Spoof news snippets from November 2014
There were 213 spoof news snippets published in November 2014. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
The ghost of Jaggedone is alive!
Ex-Spoof writer, Jaggedone, now a ghostly 'Fata Morgana' has been reincarnated and declared an immortal Spoofer after confirming that people still read his utter crap, WOW!
Republicans Call Off Congress for Next Two Years
The Republicans in Congress made a joint statement in which they acknowledged they would be blocking all of Obama's legislation for his last two years so there is no need to meet.
Renee Zellweger Vows to Change Face for Each New Movie Role
Rene Zellweger, known as the actress who once gained 20 pounds for a movie and is now sporting a new face, promised fans she would continue to shock and amaze with many new looks for years to come!
Oh, BTW, United have now been reincarnated!
Dead, buried Man United have been renamed Lazarus after a miracle happened in London. They actually beat someone on away terrain and their manager Louis v Gaal has been renamed Jesus in double Dutch
Fox News Reports That Obama is The Cause of Global Warming
In a surprising turnaround, Fox News admitted that global warming does exist and that they have discovered that President Obama is behind it all!
Johnny Depp Signs On for Seven More Pirates of the Caribbean Sequels
Johnny's contract requires that if he dies before fulfilling all the terms, his corpse is to be reanimated to use for zombie Pirates of the Caribbean movies.
Latest Obama Executive Order Clarifies State of the Nation
Obama issues order proclaiming himself Barack I, Imperial Monarch of all US dominions save Texas, about which His Supreme Egoistness declared a state of war exists with the Principality of the Bushes.
Lewis Hamilton has fastest designer beard on the planet!
Without any Mercedes Benz know-how Lewis Hamilton has just been crowned "World Fastest Designer Beard Champion". He has a special trimmer in the form of a Siamese cat who licks him after every race!
Ferguson explodes because of colour blind killing!
A colour blind, armed police officer killed an unarmed youth who just happened to be black and was judged not guilty by a colour free court, now everything has gone black or white; non colours BTW!
Queen Banishes Prince Harry to Tower
Prince Harry was seen entering the Tower with eight women, three of them with clothes on.
Catholic Church Reverses Stand On Birth Control, Will Market Own Brand of Condoms
The photo of the Pope on the condoms are hoped to help discourage premarital sex.
Obama Issues Latest Executive Order Regarding November Election
WashDC-His Excellency issued an edict that all two-thirds of American voters not actually voting in polls on Nov 4th really DID vote in Obama-Bizarro World,and thus elected him US potentate for life.
Fox News Exclusive: Obama Imported Ebola Virus to U.S.
Fox News announced today that they had just found proof that Obama is the cause for the deadly Ebola virus coming to the US. Republicans immediately called for the White House to be quarantined.
The Kellogg Co. and General Mills Want Serial Killers to Be Called Repeat Homicidal Maniacs Instead
Tired of young kids connecting people who kill a lot of other people with the food they eat each morning, the cereal companies ask that you please respect the change to "repeat homicidal maniac."
Dennis Rodman Ready to Take on Ebola Virus
Fresh from freeing two prisoners from North Korea, Dennis Rodman announced that he will next take on the Ebola Virus and will "kick that @$%#ers ass!!" He has also enlisted the aid of Kanye West.
Somalia Starts New Pirate TV Station
The "nation" of Somalia started its first TV station broadcasting content that consists of reruns of Perry Mason, Green Acres, and, their favorite, Gilligan's Island. Soon to come: Dukes of Hazzard!
Harvey Weinstein mistaken for a dumb waiter?
Mechanical food hoist not a flattering comparison but whaddahell
Confused Silk Road 'mastermind'says he's a victim of fracking
No wait - did I just say that?? - it's gotta be hacking.
Dozens of Women Claim Cosby Never Raped Them
Although it's taken since 2006 when rape allegations against Cosby first emerged, his PR firm has managed to find MANY women who encountered Cosby but were never raped by him (to their knowledge).
Emperor Obama Decrees Amnesty for All Aliens
Barack I has conferred legitimacy on all aliens in US now and forever. Martians celebrate in New York by tentacle waves and zapping the new World Trade Center.Klingons plan a takeover of Miami Beach.
Bill Cosby Victims Coming Forward at Rate of One Every 15 Minutes
As the number of Bill Cosby assault victims rise, it is now estimated to be at the rate of one victim coming forward every 15 minutes and rising. "Very difficult now to keep track," said a reporter.
ISIS is not headless!
Rebel fighters fighting ISIS have confirmed the fact that they are not a bunch of headless chickens, however, they are a bunch of loony headbangers who love giving head!
New York now belongs to the Polar Circle!
The deep freeze hitting northeast US has forced Google Maps to enter the area into the Polar circle. Eskimos and Polar Bears were seen playing in the snow after deserting their global-warmed homeland!
Washington DC Discusses Giant Crack Pipe Monument to Mayor Barry
The citizens of Washington DC, in a spate of nostalgia over the death of its former mayor Marion Barry, couldn't decide if his monument should be a coke spoon or a red light bulb.
Temple University Kicked Out of American Athletic Conference Due to Association With Bill Cosby
The American Athletic Conference announced today that since Temple University is so closely associated with Bill Cosby, they are being expelled from the league.
Style Maven/Ex-Con Stewart Announces Her Latest For the Holiday
Stewart today touted her rollout of MarthaGoblers--designer turkeys for the Thanksgiving feast. MarthaGoblers are available in various skin-tone shades from Titian Brown to Chirascuro Noir and Blanc
Abominable Snowman Melts
The Abominable Snowman, a giant Yeti, captured by Brian Blessard on Mt. Everest has melted today due to global warming. It was found in the "Blue Peter Garden" replica on the I.O.W.
PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE SARAH SWITCHIT VOWS WHITE HOUSE CHANGE
Vowing change, 2016 Presidential hopeful Sarah Switchit said her first order of business would be to square off the oval office.
Natl Security Advisor Susan Rice Makes Remarkable Claim on Al-Jeezeerah TV
Rice asserted Sunday that she is actually uncrowned Queen of Sheba,noting she has hereditary claim to be ruler of Baghdad.She also claimed her real King Solomon-Obama would put her on the throne soon.
Obama Sleeps In, Forgets to Vote
President Obama, after spending weeks campaigning for fellow Democrats, went to sleep and did not wake up until Wednesday. "Next year I'm going absentee ballot!" spoke the President.
Is there anybody out there?
Alarming news report: The Spoof UK has just capsized in the Med attempting to enter Europe, Italy refuse to help because there is a rumoured outbreak of 'writers empathy' on board a deadly disease!
Ebola Virus Now More Popular Than Obama
President Obama's popularity hit a new low today as Ebola Virus zoomed ahead of him. The only things less popular than Obama are diarrhea and Donald Trump.
Fox News's Juan Williams Claims "There Was No Wave" Election
Defender of Obama on FOX, Juan Williams, asserted that there was no Republican Wave in yesterday's election, but his final verbal squeaks were drowned out by tsunami of GOP victories in blue states.
Lady Gaga Reported to Be Naked and Homeless
Lady Gaga was reported naked and homeless but police found out she had made the call herself, was really just naked in her backyard. She admitted she needed publicity since her last CD tanked.
Fox News To Debut Women's Network
Some of the programming will be titled Grocery Shopping For Your Man, and Washing & Drying Is Fun!
Prince Harry Dives Into Buckingham Palace Fountain-Has Yet to Emerge
Prince Harry's father Prince Charles was heard to remark, "He always comes out eventually-the last time it was with three naked women. I just hope he leaves his knickers on if there's press!
North Korea to Drop the "North" and Become Only Korea-Demands South Korea Change Its Name
Some of the suggestions are "United Pawns of America, Korman (for late comedian Harvey Korman), "The Other One," or "The Grouchy Chinese."
Procol Harem Tribute Band Droned By Mistake
Tribute "Whiter Shade Of Pale" band Bokol Harem were this morning accidentally targeted by "Obama Drone" anti terrorist killer drones while performing in Scunthorpe. Tributes poured in this morning.
The Governor Of The Bank Of England Suggests Increasingly Complex Ways To Control Dishonesty By Bankers
'The telling thing about Mark Carney's recent speech in Singapore,' said an analyst, 'was that it was based on the unstated premise that there could never be such a thing as an honest banker.'
Chirlane McCray de Blasio's embattled top aide takes leave of senses
Rachel Noerdlinger quits her cushy sinecure and heads for stint at B.S. Rehab
American fleas after trying to mail body parts from Thailand
WTF? Darned varmints ended up scratching each other to death I guess
Pope is coming to the US next September
Probably in a cremation urn, a few lapse of honor around NYC cathedral and then scattering at sea at the Bay of Pigs
NYC women face taboo of prenup radio carbon dating
Livid New York brides-to-be are being made to pass radio carbon dating tests to prove their actual age according to matrimonial lawyrs specialising in prenups
Pakistani boot camps want to re-program IS insurgents
Cobblers! It's a fallacy you can re-educate decapitation fanatics into wholesome organic farming opium growers
Christopher Columbus was a Muslim says Turkish president
Remains of prayer mat and dishdasha found at Cape Canaveral prove the point
Solange breaks out in hives following nuptials
ER docs baffled why they're all over her bikini line, test the bride for Jay-Z's aftershave allergy
Shock horror as SeaWorld stock sinks 50% in 2014
Corpses of dozens of dead dolphins, sharks and sea lions still litter the pool bottom, you'd think they'd have cleared up the place by now
Starbucks facing giant European fracking bill
Now we know why their coffee in London tastes like a load of hyraulically fractured tar sands crude
Mass murderer Charles Manson gets license to marry 26-year-old
It's thought his fiance is a burly 6ft10ins jailhouse screw called Big Butch Al
Better to marry than to burn wayward teenager is told
Cops must have seen that 'Naked teen breaks into two homes while his own house burns' headline on the net
BBC Criticised For Using Subtitles In Interview with a County Londonderry Blacksmith On Its Countryfile Programme
'Representatives of Irish organisations have telephoned us,' admitted a BBC spokesman, 'to say that the subtitles were unnecessary and offensive - at least we think that's what they said.'
Syrian ambassador bollocks Saudi counterpart at UN
Sounds like kick-off of the notorious annual Holier-Than-Thou season
Man busted for ordering Taco Bell drive-thru on his mule
Cops later said No Asses Allowed and fined the guy for trespass
FBI planning cosy fireside chat with Mrs Clinton about passing polygraph and stuff
The move follows discovery of the Rose Law Firm's amnesia files, bound to be a vote grabber in the 2016 White House elections
De Blasio tells Hillary to run to the left to secure presidency
Preferably over a cliff, darlin', you Clintons so past your sell-by
German auctioneer puts Hitler painting on the market
Oil on canvas shows the Fuhrer shooting up skag with Hitler's Pope and Benito Mussolini, priceless composition worth a bob or two
One million guns sold ahead of Ferguson grand jury decision
Folks feel you just can't be careful enough in case they reach the 'wrong' decision
Senate Dems reject Keystone XL oil pipeline build bill
Fear 'XL' really means 'extra large' and the new pipe will soon be grossly obese - like many Canadians already
Miss Honduras and sister found murdered with gunshot wounds
Organisers fear this weekend's Miss World contest about to get very very nasty
Palestinian terror group claims responsibility for deadly loan shark attack
Usury removal business still thriving on thr Gaza Strip
Trans-Fats Linked to Worse Memory
Uh, could have sworn I read something sbout this stuff only yesterday but hey, amnesia ain't all it's made out to be
Bill Cosby Wants to Sit Down and Have a Drink With Everyone Who Thinks He's A Rapist
Once-popular comedian, Bill Cosby, in a lighter vein, said in a Fat Albert voice that he would like to have a drink with everybody who thinks he's a rapist, especially the 19-year-old girls.
Bill Cosby to Star in New Film With Mel Gibson, Lindsay Lohan, and Michael Richards
NOT sidelined by being shut down on projects by NBC, Netflix, CBC, and his grandchildren's PTA Christmas Program, Bill Cosby announced his new movie will also include Chris Brown & Lance Armstrong.
Cathedrals To Be Used For Easter Egg Production
Chocolate Eggs and even chocolate crosses are to be made by newly appointed egg deacons in Cathedrals across the U.K. Proceeds will go towards roof repairs and mending holes in Bishop's robes.
House GOP sues President for overstepping with ObamaScare
The former Scare-in-the-Community Organiser turned US President is being trawled over hot coals in the DC courts
Unusual plea of mitigation sees accused plead brainworm contamination
'This guy had a tapeworm in his brain for four years your honor,' his attorney said, "made him think he was United States Presided t."
Obama pardons 5m illegals
Huge flock of Mexican turkeys now safe and secure ahead of annual Thanksgiving dinner cull
State of Utah revives plans to allow firing squad executions
And that's just for dropping litter in public
Fire Brigade Called To Shopping Mall Bathroom As Hand Drier Pins Woman To Ceiling
A new generation of super-powerful hand driers were criticised yesterday after a woman was blown to the ceiling while drying her face. The Dison Mk.2 Tornado driers were being recalled yesterday.
Obama fun eraser accused of sex with miner
The guy swears they were just mining for uranium deposits together when ine thing led to an udder
Mayor De Blasio appoints NYC Human Frights Commission head
Appointment backdated to Halloween.
NYPD rookie calls fatal shooting of unarmed man 'accident waiting to happen'
Oh yeah? Guess that's enough for the Governor to call out the National Guard
Feds investigating festive drone sightings in Colorado area
Reports say Santa's using mini airborne sleighs this year on the Colorado Xmas Pot Cookie run
Kim Kardashian Will Stay Nude and Donate Wardrobe Money to Charity
It will make those skiing trips to Vail a little chilly though.
Miley Cyrus is Mad at Kim Kardashian for Posing Nude
"Who does she think she is, me?" said Miley.
Woman rescued from IS camp cooked for jihadis
Mostly from the Jihadi Cannibal Cookbook of spare limb recipies, guess the bastards have to do something with all those amputations, eh?
Fugitive bighorn sheep decapitated by LA hit-and-run driver
Damned beheading jihadis now kerbcrawling all over Los Angeles looking for some pervy fun
Queen of Sheba Susan Rice Demands Hagel's Head
"QueenSheba" Rice had a hissy fit over SecDef Hagel's failure to mouth the Regime's spin on foreign threats. She issued a beheading decree,only deflected by Court Jester "Loony Joe" Biden's ravings.
Fool A Prisoner Day To Take Place On Saturday
Practical jokers will wait outside U.K.prisons on Saturday dressed in silver tunics or flying about in cars suspended by invisible wires so that released lifers will think they've done 100 years.
Three-point Turn To Be Dropped From UK Driving Test
'Use of satellite navigation systems will be examined instead,' said a Transport Ministry spokesman, 'although the time allocated for tests will increase to accommodate journeys via John O'Groats.'
Social Media Told To Simplify Terms And Conditions By Commons Committee
Facebook and Twitter are considering a single line data statement that simply says that anything typed onto any computer can be viewed by anyone in this universe and probably in the entire multiverse.
Pope Francis In Turkey Urges The World To Combat Extremism
'People must cease to hold unshakable beliefs based on tradition and emotion and not substantiated by any objective evidence … oops,' said the Supreme Pontiff.
Probe that messed up comet landing 'could be ruining things again' by spring
First rays of sunlight to hit the Philae Lander's batteries virtually guaranteed to f**k up again
Psychiatric Hospitals Filled To Capacity With Black Friday Shoppers
'Those who choose to shop on a day that is known to be analogous to an expedition to Hell,' said one psychiatrist, 'meet the legal definition of insanity. The law thus compels us to lock them up.'
Haiatus Hits Black Friday Protests
Mostly rampaging guys diving into McDonalds to fuel up on Big Mac and fries before resuming onslaught to protest about, uh, stuff
Spooky anagram found for 'Star Wars: The Force Awakens'
'Castrate freak show answer' OMG.
Scientists Capture First Photographic Evidence Of Bears Within Chernobyl Exclusion Zone
'We initially thought that they were brown bears,' said a spokesman, 'but we now believe that they are a new species of phosphorescent, two headed bears.'
Roll away the stone as magicians stage effort to tart up Houdini's grave
Harry Houdini's remains have vanished and the sepulchre is empty, surprise surprise
HURRY IT UP, DEAD PEOPLE
In a attempt to pick up the pace of their television show, the creators of The Walking Dead have changed the name to The Skipping Dead.
Woman kicked off flight after pet pig poops in plane aisle
That's the last time Kim takes Kanye on board the red eye back to LA
So where did Obama take daughters shopping for Small Business Saturday?
Yep, you guessed it, Colorado Springs Pot Festival & Santa's Cannabis Grotto
Ravenous ISIS fighters just want their wives to cook pot pancakes
And none of that afghani Black rubbish that the Taleban is pimping, proper Dyrian home grown weed
Michelle's unused 'fitness' stamps lie waiting in White House whorehouse
Ferguson Killing Of A Teenager
Question for police officer Darren Wilson: Would you have left the safety of your squad car to pursue Michael Brown if you did not have a loaded weapon?
Alleged Miley Cyrus "Topless" Shot Mislabelled
The much anticipated Cyrus "Topless" pic was released. Close review of the image actually reveals it to be a "No Top-less" shot. Milester needs time at Maxie Boob Reconstruction & Enhancement clinic.
Call For Free Hearing Aids As Woman Tries To Make Cheese With Muslim's Bag Stolen From Mosque
A hard of hearing woman shopping for cheese making items stole a Muslim's bag from a Mosque in Chicago this motning instead of the correct item, a muslin bag. Her apologies were accepted.
Black Friday a Washout As Rain Forces Everyone Into Shops
Black Friday, the festival which should have been a celebration of Soul Music, Reggae, Blues, Nelson Mandela and Diana Ross a turned out to be a washout as rain forced everyone into shops.
Retailers Announce 'Lemming Tuesday' On Which Shoppers Will Be Encouraged To Jump From Cliffs Into The Sea
'Retailers invented Black Friday to drive shoppers into unnecessary and pointless panics,' say police. 'Lemming Tuesday is even worse - thousands will again mindlessly follow the crowd and be killed.'
Thousands Of Russians Take To Streets To Protest Against Health Cuts
Russian authorities say reforms can improve care by concentrating specialists in better hospitals. 'We copied that lie from the British NHS,' said a Russian spokesman. 'Why does no one believe it?'
Plane evacuated after JFK 'bomb' scare
Luckily it turned out to be a drunken hoax from pissed guy wanting a Mile High Flub refund (don't ask)...