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Rating:

New study casts doubts on effectiveness of drug testing students

Too many students already dropping out of school as it is, say teachers.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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NSA snooping didn't make America much safer, report says

Mr. Obama has said that "at least 50 threats" have been averted by the surveillance. But New America Foundation cast doubt on that assertion in an analysis released Monday. "Just made everyone mad."

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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Gates: White House 'should go look in the mirror'

"If they want to know what's wrong with America today!"

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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A-Rod Sues MLB, Players Union.

He should expect the crowd's reactions for the rest of his baseball career. I can hear "Cheater! Cheater!" already.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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French taxi driver strike

French taxi drivers have blockaded the roads to protest against higher taxes. "I do not want to modify my taxi in any way," said one taxi driver. But in French.

written by IainB, 13 January 2014
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New Scout's Dyslexia Motto

The Scouts have produced a motto specifically for their dyslexic members: Knot tiers of the world untie!

written by IainB, 13 January 2014
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.....Working on the chain gang!

"12 Years A Slave", the everyday story of a man who chose to make a career out of working at Tesco!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 13 January 2014
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Christie office: Obama administration approved Jersey Shore TV ads

"So who's the pretty one now?"

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #055

According to Snoops: The Houston Texans say that their first three draft choices will be twin sumo wrestlers for their offensive line and The Flash for running back kickoffs!

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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Stevie Wonder and Jose Feliciano to Compete in Charity Tennis Match

Popular recording artists and performers Stevie Wonder and Jose Feliciano will play against each other in a charity tennis match. It will be called the "Endless Love" match.

written by Al N., 13 January 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #779

According to Snoops: For pioneer wives in early America average age at her time of death was 39. The average number of children, 16.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #890

According to Snoops: It is customary to tip a cow in Sweden for giving you some extra milk.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #855

According to Snoops: 99.5% of all coin flips come out flat. If you listen closely, you'll never hear a football player pick "Edge"!

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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Slim or die man sheds 44 stone!

Most of them were in his gall bladder say surgeons! "I've never seen anything like it." But there they are in a barrel over the fireplace.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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Fugitive Who Left Shoe at Crime Scene Arrested

"He had two of every other kind of shoe", says FBI. "Then there were these spilled thumbtack injuries from the crime scene."

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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Danish Cinnamon Rolls Too Spicy for EU Rules

Is this the type of thing we are headed for here? "Wilber's Chile Con Carne judged too spicy for FDA approval!"

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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Cat Rescued After 3 Winter Days in Ohio Drainpipe

"OK! OK! So the mouse pulled a good one on me. I'll get him yet", cat tells other cats who were laughing.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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Conservative Says Gov Can't Do Anything Right

So GOP congressman voted for bill to stop airline inspections. He was aboard a plane that had never been inspected. As it went down in flames he said, "My death is not in vain I stopped Big Brother.

written by Keith Shirey, 13 January 2014
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Airports Say They Will Try to Better Luggage Loses

After someone's luggage got mixed with what turned out to be that of Amelia Earhart.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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Overdose of laxatives can cause serious harm, FDA says

Can a laxative-laced brownie bringer be charged with attempted murder? Many say they hope so!

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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50 years of progress cuts smoking rates in half

Might continue on tobacco front but will only increase on legal marijuana.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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John Kerry's gift to Russian counterpart? Two 'impressive' Idaho potatoes

Wow! This should impress the Russians that the good old USA economy is back to normal!

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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Boston Gangster's Belongings to Be Sold at Auction

Including concrete boots, knee-busters, brass knuckles!

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
Rating:

Japan Responds To Fukushima

With secrecy, denial, no monitoring from other nations, hiding radioactive fish. The plant could have huge explosion. P.M's solution "If we lose it we'll build 50 more like the one at 3 mile island."

written by Keith Shirey, 13 January 2014
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Swedish Doctors Transplant Wombats Into 9 Women

I'm sorry. That should be "Swedish Doctors Transplant Wombs Into 9 Women!"

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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No Medical Care Lets People Be Heroes

Most GOP state govs won't allow extension medicare That means 5M people with delayed care. In Tx., no treatment for cancer let's them be heros at they fight the disease on their own" said Ted Cruz.

written by Keith Shirey, 13 January 2014
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Prisoners sickened by bad chicken #2

Chicken: "You guys are no perfect little angels yourselves."

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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Prisoners sickened by bad chicken

Chicken had a history of misbehavior. That was why it was in prison.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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Ooops! Plane lands at wrong airport

Pilot: "Just thought everyone would like a change of pace. You know. You board a plane, fly to the airport. We tried to make it more interesting...please don't fire me!"

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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US 'superweeds' epidemic shines spotlight on GMOs

It places the spotlight on us too. We are eating whatever they are doing to increase weed killers.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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Myth-busting librarians debunk rumors about Texas' Wild West laws

Sure! Wait till John Wayne, Tex Ritter, Roy Rogers and Gene Autry are dead and then attack. I'm glad we still have Kinky Friedman!

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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Feds Investigating Christie's Use of Sandy Relief Funds

"We are looking into food that disappeared during the relief. We think he ate them."

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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Rodman 'sorry' after controversial North Korea trip #2

Hillary Clinton: "What difference does it make?"
Bush: "Difference? It could start a nucklar war!"

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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Rodman 'sorry' after controversial North Korea trip

Ex-Basketball star startin to sound like Chris Christie with all the apologies.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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Legs bared around the world for annual 'No Pants' commute

Several arrested for leaving more than their pants behind.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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Doctor-assisted suicides skyrocket in Belgium.

Many of them on older people who are wealthy and requested by families. "You can't just allow her to ruin her reputation by playing slots at a casino", says teary favorite nephew.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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REPORT: Obamacare Bailout Planned for Insurance Companies.

"Of course, politics have nothing to do with any of this", says spokesman with a straight face.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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REPORT: NFL open to medical marijuana for players.

Should make the game more interesting and silly with fans on the field competing for the football.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #449

According to Snoops: New York's city council has officially banned cock fights in jails and prisons.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #773

According to Snoops: The record for stepping on a rake while intoxicated is four, set by Bill "Flatnose" Flener of Paducah, Ky.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #121

According to Snoops: Most fortune cookie predictions do not come true because of most people's lack of belief!

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #085

According to Snoops: Ed Sullivan, because of the wreck leaving him stiff, also saw everything twice it's size. Thus he always told his audience that each act was "Really Big!"

written by Bureau, 13 January 2014
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Hard Line Muslims Make Demands

Extremist Muslims in tax-supported public universities demand that men and women be separated at public college forums. Sen. Ted Cruz of Tx said "That's fine with me, I support segregation."

written by Keith Shirey, 13 January 2014
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Chemical Spill in Va. Reds Not Enforced

The EPA Va. head asked for public understanding of virtually no enforcement of rules. "Most of us are on the Boards of coal, chemical, and fracking companies. That's very time consuming."

written by Keith Shirey, 13 January 2014
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GOP & Dem.Parties To Merge

Boehner and Reid said today that since both parties are controlled by corporations and the rich & neither party will close tax loopholes they had too much in common to be separate political parties.

written by Keith Shirey, 13 January 2014
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Global Banking Regulators Ease Up

Fearing retribution on governments for regulations on huge banks, the WBR, which oversees world financial institutions, say regs. will not be enforced and praised Bernie Madoff type Ponzi Schemes.

written by Keith Shirey, 13 January 2014
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Jacqueline Bisset's Golden Globe Predicted to End by Monday

Jacqueline Bisset, who has won her first Golden Globe Sunday night, has been giving her acceptance speech ever since and is predicted to finish by Monday or Tuesday at the latest.

written by Al N., 13 January 2014
Rating:

Australia twinned with Glasgow due to cultural similarities

Australia, a relatively unknown country north of New Zealand has been twinned with the City of Glasgow. Alexei Salmon said yesterday that he would be appealing, as "Glaswegians are quite posh now."

written by Auntie Jean, 13 January 2014
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Christie's New Explanation

A 2nd scandal emerged today when we was accused of taking police officers to direct traffic to purposely cause tie-ups to cause trouble on bridge
"Not true i wanted them to exercise with their arms,"

written by Keith Shirey, 13 January 2014
Rating:

E-Bay CEO Explains Devil Worship Auctions

Charlie Clueless said auction with an etching showing a person kissing Satan's buttocks was acceptable. "We allow artistic expressions of all of the world's religions. Satanism is no exception."

written by Keith Shirey, 13 January 2014
Rating:

New Chris Christie Scandal

He's had lap band removed, was seen at McDonald's gorging on 5 Big Macs and 7 bags of fries.

written by Keith Shirey, 13 January 2014
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