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Rating:

US Ambassador To Argentina Doesn't Know Where It Is

Ambassadorships are rewards for political donations. But Argentinians are upset that newly appointed Janet Rich can't locate their country on a map because she doesn't know what continent it's on.

written by Keith Shirey, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Football Players Sometimes Go Hungry

Football players with low dollar scholarships can't buy food on occasion. Players say there ought to be a miimum amount in them. The head of the NCAA said that they ought to use food stamps.

written by Keith Shirey, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Why does Rand Paul keep bringing up Monica Lewinsky?

Easy to answer! He likes rattling the Clinton's cage as Hillary setting sights on White House, as Paul is also.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Aging America heading for disaster.

Now that baby boomers are the elders, there's not enough young workers or people who will work, to support their Social Security, etc. Many are continuing to work because of insurance & livelihood.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Far Right Brits Contact Tea Party Express

The far right British National Party is failing. So they are in contact with the US' Tea Party to find out how their racist, know-nothing, anti-immigrant, message can be more effective.

written by Keith Shirey, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Misstress Of French Pres. Won't Go To White House

President Obama invited President Hollande of france for a state dinner. But his mistress won't be coming. The actress, Blanche DuMois, says that it would be boring since the Obamas are "straight."

written by Keith Shirey, 09 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #174

According to Snoops: The Japanese have invented a huge screen TV that you can actually jump into and become an 'extra' in the plot!

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #903

According to Snoops: Some spiders eat their leftover web and recycle the protein for most for their new web. Naturally, they are green!

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #401

According to Snoops: England's Royalty uses Windsor Castle as a home. It's 200 times bigger than the typical house and 500 times bigger than yours.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #723

According to Snoops: Raccoons use their human-like front paws to pry open garbage cans and scrounge for food under the night and under the...uh..garbage lid.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Israel PM slams Iran move to send ships towards US

Kind of sad when another country has to point that out to us. I remember John Kennedy. 'Run our blockade of Cuba and we will sink those ships!'

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Polygamy thrives in Utah

If you want to get high, go to Colorado. If you want twenty wives, head for Utah!

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Chris Christie: US economy may be stuck in slow lane for long run

And who would know more about a slow lane that Chris Christie?

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Continuing severe politician warning for South of England

Despite the worst influx of senior politicians for decades, meterologists are warning residents of the Somerset Levels that there is worse to come.

written by Crunk, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Maine Police Investigating Screams Find Happy Pig

Police say they don't blame neighbors for calling. It sounded like a woman screaming to them too.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

NY Couple Charged After Toddler Calls 911 15 Times

"We thought it would be good for her to learn to call but I guess she is too young."

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Woman Gives 3 Illinois Waitresses $5,000 Each

Note: Better spend it soon while it's still worth something.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Pope's Harley Goes Under Auction Hammer in Paris

Brings big bucks. His leather jacket and brass next to be auctioned.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

'Big Mouth Billy Bass' Scares Away Burglar

I guess the burglar couldn't tell his elbows from his bass!

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Bottle Released by Mass. Scientist in 1956 Found

"It reads 'We will never place a rocket on the moon as the power to launch it would explode'."

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Empty Elevator Shaft Nearly Swallows Athlete.

"Guess they were in a hurry and placed a door without putting in the elevator yet."

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

New surveillance technology capable of watching you, and you and you too

"We can now trace you from three different angles", says FBI agent. "I think we could arrest a million people if we had somewhere to place them."

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Alex Rodriguez withdraws lawsuit to overturn suspension

"I can sit out a season and still make a lot of money", he told reporters. I'll be like Peyton Manning. Sign somewhere the year after."

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

TSA Amazed at Attempts

Guns, grenades, human skull fragments, shrunken heads, petrified frog, fake puke and a pepper spray disguised as a lipstick.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

American adventurer missing in Mexico

Mexican police checking latest pile of heads placed outside their headquarters by drug lords. "No match yet!"

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

EBay Arrest First In Awhile #2

Most bricks painted gold and sold on ebay were sold to rich in Congress, Senate and White House. Victims demand death penalty.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

EBay Arrest First In Awhile

John Putter arrested for selling bricks with gold paint on them. "I put some real gold into paint", he argues.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
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Heroin's Euphoric High Makes It Hard to Quit!!

The best idea is not to publish anything about this, according to rehabs. (Sorry)

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
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U.N.: Aid Convoy in Syria's Homs Won't Be Deterred by Attacks

Of course, the "We" are the ones sitting on their rumps in New York City!

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Popecycle Sold at Auction

Brings ten times it's value. Money donated to charities.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Benedict 'At Peace' One Year After Stepping Down as Pope

Not bad being Assistant Pope. More time to study, laugh at Spoof Snippets!

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #625

According to Snoops: The National Animal of Brazil is the white-tailed sunbather.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #322

According to Snoops: To steer clear of predators, most salamanders are nocturnal and have toxic skin. These guys are very, very careful when mating.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #187

According to Snoops: Leadbeaters Possum was supposed to be extinct for more than 50 years until someone found a couple singing the blues in New Orleans.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #087

According to Snoops: Super strict Nobles made sure a knight, who was to be exactly seven years old and free of handicaps, to begin training when he was "no bigger than a grasshopper!"

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

18-foot python found in Florida

"He was so cute when he was only seven feet long", says former owner.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Firefighter cuffed while on duty

House burns to the ground. Home owners to sue police. "They could have waited until the fire was put out", says owner.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Sex scandals rock military top brass

There's more brass monkeyshines going on out there now than ever say officials!

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Giant 5-foot jellyfish hits the beach

Other sunbathers on the beach give him plenty of room!

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Gay couples to get federal benefits

Free cheese for the rest of your life. Not much of anything else. You'll stand in line with the rest of us, waiting six-eight weeks for a doctor.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Biden slams New York airport

Starts off with tower and proceeds to kick walls and pound fists on water fountains.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

8.7 million pounds of meat recalled

Almost none of it was closely inspected but the meat came from diseased animals.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Airstrike kills key Palestinian militant

Just missed al-Qaida #2. "We'll get him with the next one", says Air Force Colonel. "Meanwhile, this was a good one to get."

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Report: Iran moving warships near U.S.

"Good", says naval officer. "This way they'll be easier to hit."

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Can rape on campus be stopped?

"Give out free kegs of beer with saltpeter in it, like they do in the military", stated One lady Police officer. "Perhaps if they were castrated?"

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Teen heroin use exploding in suburbs

"This is the generation that hates work (not all) and love the drugs so they go into crime", stated an FBI spokesman.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

President A Nerd?

President Barack Obama himself was debriefed while speaking on Afghanistan this morning as a joker escapes without being caught. Police to review security tapes.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #915

According to Snoops: Nostradamus, the 16th century astrologer, predicted that he would be the subject of a Spoof Snippet on this very day. People mocked!

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #320

According to Snoops: Scorpions glow in the dark if you shine a black light on them. So carry one if you're out west so that you will be able to see what killed you.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #801

According to Snoops: Moonrats spend their nights marking their territory and humming Van Morrison's "Moondance" while looking for a lover.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #175

According to Snoops: The Whip-o-will is known for it's call. However, it sometime mocks a Bob White to lure in a Bob White babe!

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #520

According to Snoops: In the Middle Ages, barbers also were the castle doctor and dentist. Plus he had to carry a tune with three other guys.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Iranian TV airs simulated bombing of Tel Aviv, US aircraft carrier.

Look for U.s. filmmakers set Schwarzenegger and Stallone loose on Iran in next big action film.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Khamenei: America has 'controlling, meddlesome' attitude...

"While we have settled some time ago here in the middle east!"

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Peed off at the Winter Olympics!

Homos have been banned and now Putin has banned peeing in public at the Olympic village and I'm pissed off!!!

written by Jaggedone, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Clinton in denial

Former US President has denied he had an affair with Elizabeth Hurley. He also denied affairs with Queen Elizabeth II, Baroness Margaret Thatcher and, more pointedly, his wife Hilary. More to come.

written by whatinthe world, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Biggest Worry at Somalian Writer's Conference

....staying alive....

written by Wumf, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Greatest Worry at U.S. Writer's Conference

...dangling participles

written by Wumf, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Cupid Forgoes East Coast Route this Valentine's Day

too darn cold!

written by Wumf, 09 February 2014
Rating:

What the heck....

is a persimmon?

written by Wumf, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Corn Dogs Get Bad Rap at Vegetarian Conference

but Tofu Dogs instead? YUCK!

written by Wumf, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Crocodiles Tired of Being Mistaken for Alligators

ask world's teachers to teach more science....

written by Wumf, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Copy Cat Crime in Louisville, Kentucky

Slightly smarter skinny man steals 20 bottles of whiskey from liquor store using 38 Special instead of pants...

written by Wumf, 09 February 2014
Rating:

40 Years Later China Finally Discovers Disco

uh oh!

written by Wumf, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Colorado Gets the Most Votes!

...for most adolescent state in the nation

written by Wumf, 09 February 2014
Rating:

P.S.A. Groups Forming Throughout Colorado

Nothing to do with prostate screening, folks - everything to do with Pot Smokers Anonymous.

written by Wumf, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Rocky Mountain West Sends Thank You to East Coast

for taking the brunt of the winter snow storms....

written by Wumf, 09 February 2014
Rating:

East Coast Running out of Rock Salt for Icy Roads

uh oh!

written by Wumf, 09 February 2014
Rating:

50 Years Later China Finally Discovers the Beatles

uh oh!

written by Wumf, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Eskimos Send Winter Survival Tips to East Coast #5

What fish in what hole in the ice? replies East Coast.

written by Wumf, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Eskimos Send Winter Survival Tips to East Coast #4

100 words for "snow" - are you kidding?! replies East Coast.

written by Wumf, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Eskimos Send Winter Survival Tips to East Coast #3

When Quinn the Eskimo gets there he will tell you all you need to know.

written by Wumf, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Eskimos Send Winter Survival Tips to East Coast #2

Where the heck are we supposed to find seal blubber? replies East Coast.

written by Wumf, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Eskimos Send Winter Survival Tips to East Coast #1

What the heck are mukluks? replies East Coast.

written by Wumf, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Eastern Coast Birds Flying to the Southwest

before they freeze their little feathers off

written by Wumf, 09 February 2014
Rating:

New Explanation for the Polar Vortex Cited

Professor Ole Kierstat of Oslo Polytechnic explains the Polar Vortex dominating the Northern Hemisphere this winter is due to the ice and snow wake thrown up by the Norway Women's Cross-Country team.

written by Trinculoman, 09 February 2014
Rating:

New Webcast Series Announced:

Comedians On Crack, Getting More Crack

written by Michael Balton, 09 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #362

According to Snoops: King Curtis of Prussia died of a heart attack after four goofy riders fed their steeds green persimmons. "Curtis cried, "It's the Four Horsemen of the Puckered Lips!" and died.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #481

According to Snoops: Not only is there a sign in Key West, Florida that reads, "You are only 90 Miles from Cuba", if you push the button, you can hear Ricky Ricardo sing "BaBa Loo"!

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #581

According to Snoops: In an experiment where the male takes a penis pill, ten percent of husbands say only their big toes got longer.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Teachers Strike Idle Schoolchildren 6 Days In A Roll

Is it the same ones they're working on or just mad because they got no pay raise and taking it out on the children.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Bobsledder Johnny Quinn Breaks Through Locked Door

I tried my best to stop the sled but the brakes went out!

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Flu Shot Fail: Why Doesn't the Vaccine Always Work?

Because the shot you took was for the last known flu virus and they are constantly changing! So all we need is a shot that changes as the virus changes. But apparently they do not get along well.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

US grapples with bedbugs, misuse of pesticides has made them into super bugs!

President orders ricin to be sprayed over entire area. "That should fix them!"

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

18 ft. Python Caught in Florida

uh oh!

written by Wumf, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Man upset over wheelie bin fines, sits in his & punches out two collectors when they take off the lid.

Performs the first Double-Knockout! That raises the bar on the new game!

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
Rating:

Now it's Moby Dick Sickness

Cruise line: 250 sick aboard ship in Caribbean as white whale with skeleton tied to it's side keeps bumping and playing with ship.

written by Bureau, 09 February 2014
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