Order by:
Rating:

Teen Arrested For Peeping Tom

Police say it was the home of 85-year-old man. Teen admits that at about that time of night, he turned on computer's naughty sites. "That would explain the binoculars."

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Haven't seen Burger King Lately?

That's because he was arrested in front of a McDonald's, showing Ronald his Whooper. All Ronald could do is point at his big shoes.

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Mrs. Jimmy Carter Gets A Call

"Is this Rosalynn?" "Yes it is" "This is Jimmy, Rosalynn. I'm at the Atlanta Airport. Where should I be?" "At that Native American habitat." "Right. Just seeing if your memory was slipping. Bye!."

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Groucho Day on The Hill!

In an attempt to "light up" congress and senate, President has declared a "Groucho Day". We need to stop grouching. He asks everyone to put on the glasses, nose and mustache in next negotiations.

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Sure Signs of Global Warming!

Scientists connect global warming to extreme snow, sleet, rain, riots in Egypt and Peyton Manning watching that first snapped football fly by his head on the first play last Sunday night.

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Man tries to jump White House fence

Loses all dignity as clothes ripped off, loses testicle still hanging on the fence.

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

If a tree falls in the forest and no one around to hear it, does it make a noise?

Why would it make any difference if no one heard it? I heard plenty popping and crashing in ice. But if I were in Florida, I'd never hear it but it sounded like a shotgun here.

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Warning From Dalai Lama

The Dalai Lama warns that nuclear war might force everyone to be reincarnated as cockroaches or Chinese. "Both have been after me for a long time...3-5 incarnations ago."

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Edward Snowden was always leaking something at school!

"He claimed he had a bladder problem. Could be. He got a lot of atomic wedges!"

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Local Man Throws His Heart Into Feeding The Poor!

"I didn't mean my actual heart....but my innermost...HEY! Where are you taking me!"

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #961

According to Snoops: The Hawaiian word "Aloha" can mean "Hello", "Goodbye" and "Thank You Mam".

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #530

According to Snoops: The British author who created James Bond was himself a spy during WWII. He often went by the name, "Foggy Dewhurst".

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #432

According to Snoops: Some ancient dinosauers had feathers and are believed to be the ancestors of our Native Americans!

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #163

According to Snoops: In many villages in India, rowdy teens catch 'Holy Men' meditating by looking at the sun, use a magnifying glass for colossal hotfoot!

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

US Military Accused By Iran of Making More Weapons!

They want US Military to stop making their own WMDs. U.S. Military say our making 100 million drones are for peaceful purposes only.

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

POLL: Internet access, smartphones, laptops more important to Americans than sex

Boy, are we sick or what?

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

CHARGE: Group Home Workers Ran 'Developmentally Disabled Fight Club'...

They should be placed in a cell with some big Pit Bulls and see the fights up close and personal.

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

UPDATE: CDC: Latest cruise ship bug was newer norovirus strain.

Don't we have enough of these strains already? Do we have to go out and bring more in? It's going to add an extra 'strain' on our budget.

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

SHOCK: Almost One in Four 26 year-olds still live with parents!

Like Bill Cosby said, "They leave home but then they come back..and they bring more with them."

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Black Teen Unemployment Jumps to 38%.

"Sure, it's all rosy until you get in office and then you forget who got you there!"

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Obama nominee for ambassador to Argentina: I've never been there!

"What do they speak, Argentine?"

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Clint Eastwood Saves Man From Choking!

"And so, as our friends south of the border say, adios amigos." (Bronco Billy)

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Sochi Sign: 'We Do Not Serve FBI And CIA Agents'

"That's OK. We're from the IRS. Those U.S. winners wil have to give us our cut too."

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Man Attempts to Hijack Plane; Demands to Be Flown to Sochi.

Winds up in Japan, arrested. "Sochi? I thought you wanted Sushi!", says pilot.

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Amazon Reveals Latest Innovation in Immediate Consumer Delivery

CEO Bezos broke thru another customer delivery barrier today. He announced that Amazon will now deliver toilet paper just-in-time to those customers still sitting on the pot via stink-seeking drones.

written by Trinculoman, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Ten Million U.S. workers out of work!

"Wait till you see the totals once all the aliens come into the country", says Ron Paul.

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Limbaugh Update

Limbaugh: Tests still show no ailments after chest pain but "pain in the ass' apparently permanent...for him and us.

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Skinny, Bespeckled Nerd Wins Student of the Year #2

Proudly walks across stage to receive award despite his depantsing!

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Welsh farmer fancies Uranus

Welsh farmer Dylan Donaudamauchnadfidchiffahrrhyspitaenswitweru fancies Uranus. No misunderstandings mind you. Its you arse he fancies, not the race horse, not the planet, Your Arse

written by Auntie Jean, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Colorado Booming With Marijuana

Denver Mayor: "We have received word that over a dozen munchies factories are moving here."

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #592 #2

According to Snoops: So after women read #1, some head out and purchase a dragonfly to ask, "OK, tell me the truth, does my ass look too big in this outfit?"

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #731 (#1)

According to Snoops: A dragonfly eye has 30,000 lenses while humans have only one. "So here's looking at you, Kid."

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #862

According to Snoops: Animals can sense a big disaster before humans. However, this doesn't mean that every time you see a dog running past, that you need to hide. He may just be after another dog.

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #381

Snoops: Canadians eat a pudding called "Bugger in a Bag" especially in rural restaurants. After hearing and eating it, many couples rush back to their camper or tent "Don't Bother Knockin" signs.

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

China Laments Lost of Forests

Having to put out a 2,000 page telephone book every year doesn't help. "We have one million Chins!"

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Japan's Abe Supports Putin

Japan's Lincoln Abe backs Putin with visit to olympics, in contrast to China, Korea ties.

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Lawmaker: 'Very little' Obama work so far to rewrite 'war on terrorism' law

He's too busy trying to make up with Michelle over Danish President.

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Evidence Of A Primitive Human-like Species Found In Norfolk, Confirm Archaeologists

Archaeologists have been quick to clarify that their announcement refers to 800,000 year old fossilised footprints found on the shore at Happisburgh, and not to current residents of the County.

written by Swan Morrison, 07 February 2014
Rating:

TSA Bans Carry-On Liquids.

Told all passengers to take a good leak at the airport bathrooms. "Our plane bathrooms are off limits except for emergencies and those will have someone of same sex watching them."

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Democrat bombs at Press Dinner.: "The most-painful speech ever!"

However, former President Jimmy Carter said that he gave one while battling hemorrhoids after Billy goosed him once!

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

School Celebrates with Fried Chicken, Watermelon for Black History Month.

May be sued by NAACP! However, Sunday preachers say they always get fried chicken on a visit.

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Boehner Drops Amnesty!

New York Mayor drops Groundhog, Staten Island Chuck! "De Blasio: "I thought I did that yesterday. Or was it the day before?"

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

BIDEN: 'No obvious reason' not to run in 2016.

"What if Bill screws up Hillary's chance again? I need to act presidential from here in. 'It wasn't my fault!' That sounds good."

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Leno Signs Off!

Camera does a nice close-up of his face and chin...mostly chin!

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Costas portrays Russian leader as great peacemaker.

Protesters from Russia: "He certainly carries one."

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Russia seeks to soothe security jitters.

Hands out free marijuana cigarettes and candy! Crowds begin cheering everyone, even between events.

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #592

According to Snoops: The most southwesterly part of England is called "Land's End!". However, on the other side of that marker it reads, "Land Begins!"

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #173

According to Snoops: Not only did John Adams and Thomas Jefferson die on the same day, they also both died in the same month and the same year!

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #172

According to Snoops: If you live to be 70 years old, you will have slept for 23 of those years, if on welfare, 37 years or more than half your life.

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #178

According to Snoops: Some people can sleep with their mouth and both ears open!

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Burglars heading south for the spring

Hundreds of house breakers from major UK cities are heading south and hiring boats. "A bunch of villages full of posh people who have been evacuated perfect for us" said spokesman Edwardian Fred.

written by John_L, 07 February 2014
Rating:

President Sata in London

Zambias President was in London accompanied by his press aide, George Chella. He was busy JOGGING down Harley street. He commented "just out to buy some diapers and taking the watchdog for a walk"

written by Limnothrissa, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Secretary of State Kerry Displays His Ability to Multitask in Israel

In Tel Aviv Kerry displayed versatility in skill. Standing silently in the PM's office while waiting for Netanyahu, Kerry was mistaken by a janitor for a new dust mop,serving a useful role for once.

written by Trinculoman, 07 February 2014
Rating:

The Denver Post renamed....

"The World of Weed"

written by Wumf, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Colorado Trends Downward

as pot smokers trend upward.

written by Wumf, 07 February 2014
Rating:

What is higher?

Denver or a kite?

written by Wumf, 07 February 2014
Rating:

For some reason....

popsicle and ice cream sales have fallen dramatically in the Eastern U.S.

written by Wumf, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Spanish Tourist Decides to Ride a Buffalo in Yellowstone National Park

uh oh!

written by Wumf, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Groundhog Day Deja Vu!

How do I know that this was not my first Groundhog Day of 2014? After all, how come I knew the Mayor was going to drop that groundhog? This is scary. I wish I had never seen that stupid movie.

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
Rating:

Must Have Been Two!

U.S. Guv. agents blew up a mysterious box found on the House floor today. "It was full of condoms & little purple pills", stated spokesman. "We think it was a stimulus package! Ha Ha! Get it?" BOOM!!"

written by Bureau, 07 February 2014
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