Spoof news snippets from Thursday 27 February 2014
New York Mayor Takes Deadly Aim At Charter Schools
Mayor Bill DeBlazio attacks educationally successful charter schools. It's clear evidence that"dumbing down contracts"are ordered by the nation's teachers' union mafiosos and DeBlasio is the hit man.
USA Womens' Curling Team Concedes 2018 Olympics
In an unprecedented move, the USA Womens' Curling Team has conceded the 2018 Olympics.
Obama Launches WebCam Program for the Disadvantaged
President Barack Obama on Thursday launched a public program to provide webcams to African-American and Latino young men and boys.
Pamela Lee Anderson Goes to Baywatch Reunion Totally Nude
"Let's face it, ever since that video of me and Tommy Lee got out, everyone knows what I look like nude. So why should I even bother getting dressed anymore?" lamented Pamela Lee, naked as a jaybird.
Arizona Proposes New Law to Send Gays Across the Border
Even though the bill to allow businesses to discriminate against gay people didn't pass in Arizona, legislators are not giving up. They have since introduced a new bill allowing gays to be deported.
Viktor Yanukovych Spotted in Disney World
Ousted Ukrainian President Viktor Yanukovych was spotted yesterday at Disney World in Orlando, Florida as he stepped out of the Mad Tea Cup Ride. He was last seen running towards Tomorrowland.
US to focus on new source of terror...
Obama declares war on NFL. States, "Players who tackle opponents without warning or permission are a threat to world peace."
Russia announces end of Cold War...
Putin declares war on Global Warming by way of hot air blowing out of Washington, his biggest concern.
National boundaries to go digital...
The UN today approved a measure that would eliminate all national borders. However, web surfers will now be required to have digital passports to visit sites in previously foreign lands.
A carpenter from Alabama claims to be the "next President of the United States". The 38 year old man says that he will dramatically effect change in his country. No one believes him. So long guy!
Scientology Leader's Wife Shelly Turns Up in Katie Holme's Basement
Michele "Shelly" Miscavige, wife of Scientology leader David Miscavige, has been missing for over seven years, and has just come out from hiding. "Katie has been so kind to give me refuge," she said.
One-Percenters Can Handle Spray Cans As Well As Any
Milipitas,CA-Silicon Valley venture capitalists displayed superb eye-to-hand coordination spraying graffiti on the local high school here. The most popular legend:F*ck the clueless 99% bong heads!
Leaked Memo from the Hillary Rodham Clinton Campaign Gains Widespread Feminist Approval
The HRC "Bar them Dicks" memo, as it has been dubbed in the Press, charts a mission statement to "bar all men from voting poll places starting in 2016 and in perpetuity along with Bubba's bimbos."
Alaska Enacts Law Barring PC Wusses from the State
Fairbanks- Ex-Gov Sarah Palin was escorted back to the State House to sign into law an act prohibiting politically-correct nimcompoops from entering Alaska. It is called The PC-Wuss Exclusion Act.
AZ Governor Vetoes Anti-Gay Bill
Gov. Brewer vetoed a bill that would allow people to deny service to gays and lesbians on religious grounds. The Az. legislature then passed another bill calling her "A sex-crazed lesbian harlot."
NFL Promises Brain Transplants
The new scientific breakthrough will be available to players who get chronic traumatic encephalopathy. After the brain transplantation they may resume playing in about three months.
True Facts From Snoops #971
Snoops: In Italian slang, a Bingle is a car accident and a whinger is a complainer. Wonder what a goober grabber is?
Inside of My Body? (SLAP!!) No You Don't!
The FDA has approved a new camera that can be swallowed so that doctors can look at the inside of their patients' bodies.
Disney World is raising the price of a one-day ticket to Epcot to $100
Some are saying that for a big family they could save money by actually flying to some of the countries instead of a fake one.
The Duck Dynasty Hosts Bowl Game
In a year of big changes for NCAA football, the A&E stars put their Duck Commander brand on Louisiana's Independence Bowl in a new five-year deal!
Justin Bieber Videos Show Unsteady Walk in Jail
He certainly looks different all pale and bow-legged!
U.S. Plans $1 Billion Loan to Ukraine, Kerry Says
"Just as long as the Chinese agree to the financing!"
Older Dads at Higher Risk of Passing Along Mental Disorders, Study Says
"We are not", says older dad. "It's the things put in the kids food that causes all the problems. Go back 2 generations and lots of big families and this wasn't true because they grew their own food.