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Rating:

Susan Rice Reveals Source of Info on Initial Benghazi Reports

NSA Head Rice disclosed that reports on Benghazi attacks being due to "spontaneous demonstrations" came from secret briefings given by Alien captors, though one did look a lot like Valerie Jarrett.

written by Trinculoman, 23 February 2014
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Politics Heating Up!

"That opponent of mine is a Talking Jackass! He has the upper head of Kerry and the chin of Jay Leno!"

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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67-Year-Old Says Wife Is Fine

"I don't know where they get that saying but my old wife's tail is as cute as ever!"

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Protesters make noise over New York plan to kill off mute swans

"Of course they're pretty!", says spokesman for City. "They make the rest of us look ugly, and we can't have that."

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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U.S. governors plan to urge Obama not to downsize National Guard

Not with all the weather disasters we have had the past few years!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #492

Snoops: The shape of a dinosaurs eye sockets can tell scientists what time of day they were active and whether or not they were using Daylight Savings Time.

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #115

Snoops: There were only three Native American Head pennies printed in 1909. The rest were Indian Head.

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #413

Snoops: Emeril Lagasse blew it when making a Southern dish included hog balls, calling them Hilltop Clams!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #535

Snoops: Turkey buzzards rely on their sense of smell to find dead carcuses. Some funeral homes use these like Faconers use falcons!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Why did Captain and Tennille Split Up?

"Tennille wanted her name to appear first!", says Captain. "I said, "Who's the Captain around here, anyway?"

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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'Shoeless' Joe Jackson bat snags big $

All that money for a bat when the poor guy couldn't even afford shoes in the 1920s.

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Doctor discovers he's a psychopath

"I would never have believed it of myself", says Dr. Jekyll.

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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So, who's in charge of Ukraine? #2

Will it be split with one half loyal to Russia, the other to Western Europe?

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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So, who's in charge of Ukraine?

Ukraines would like to know. Have we decided with the West or Russia?

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Wife hate Husbands performance

It's his sheet music. He does fine until the end and the cannons begin to roar and I begin to leave the room.

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Ukraine has new leader also!

Be sure to keep your scorecard up to date by checking with The Spoof!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Thawing in Midwest causing flood conditions

California: Wish you could ship it out here to melt!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Thousands march in Hong Kong against erosion of media freedoms

Do we have enough guts to do that here? This summer we will see!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #554

Snoops: Brown Thrashers can sing as many as 2,000 different songs, over one hundred written by Bob Dylan alone!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #950

Snoops: Hummingbirds can eat as much as their body weight in a day. Big deal, my Uncle Ben can do that every Thanksgiving.

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #407

Snoops: A flock of crows is called a murder. Usually they are followed closely by a wake of buzzards.

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #726

Snoops: Spiders have clear blood. No one knows what that red stuff is when you stomp on one.

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Beijing Air Pollution 11X Recommended Levels.

According to somebody out there somewhere that we cannot see!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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New American Slang

Couch Cucumber tells Couch Tomato he'd like her to come over and couch potato a bit?

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Exercise data reveal couch potato nation.

Statistics gathered by computers of more Couch Potatoes.

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Young Libertarians Aim to Be Players in '14 Elections.

(Offshoot of Great Pumpkin) We believe that Liberace will one day rise up over the Pumpkin Patch! May his teeth shine!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Is the Color Yellow Dangerous?

Only if your skin turns that color, according to liver specialist!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Zimbabwe's Mugabe Celebrates 90th Birthday

Does a special dance he calls "The Mugabe 90 Twerk"!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Team USA Says Goodbye To Sochi

Did a special tribute number, "Hang On Sochi, Sochi Hang On"

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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'Polar Vortex' to Make Encore Performance Midwest, East.

Yoohoo! Here I am back again. I don't want any clear ground showing!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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State Dept. warns against travel.

That's just about everywhere outside of Western Europe and Australia!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Moyes: Other Clubs Have Gone Soft

Moyes spoke of Manchester United's recent terrible form "If I'm being brutally honest we're doing nothing wrong. It's the other clubs that have gone soft, ruthlessly scoring goals against us."

written by VWVonHagen, 23 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #097

Snoops: The are 40 species, some poisonous, of funnel web spiders in eastern Australia. So I'd watch my cotton candy and funnel cakes and not pick up any that I dropped on ground at a fair.

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #704

Snoops: Many prisoners were sent to Australia by England. There they discovered gold, got back aboard and came back and built large homes. (That should teach them a lesson).

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #960

Snoops: Most lobsters are greenish-Brown but turn bright red when boiled in water. Cannibals say that humans are the same way.

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #442

Snoops: Riders of Superman:Escape From Krypton! Roller Coaster experience 5-7 seconds of weightlessness, even longer if you forget to buckle up!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #642

Snoops: Brown Recluse Spiders are dangerous but not deadly. They like to hide in outdoor toilets and bite you on the naughty bits. Then you'll wish you were dead!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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MAHER: Bring Back The Newspapers!

All those trees will grow back one of these days!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Buddhist faction protests Dalai Lama.

You mean that the Buddhists are at war with each other too?

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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NFL Expected to Penalize Use of N-word. #2

"Just so long as we can try to break their legs or knock them out, we won't say a word. Just dance!"

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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NFL Expected to Penalize Use of N-word.

Defensive backs say they will just make up their own words to use: "Nimrod! "Yo Mama!"

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Egypt's Morsi urges 'revolution' from courtroom.

Gets hit by dozens of shoes that flew past bars!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Woman Convicted of Inciting Terror Over TWITTER.

Police investing say that she showed a photographs of Cher without her make-up, wrinkled butt before special pants, etc.

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Opposition, pro-govt rallies grip Venezuela.

And about fifteen or twenty other countries. Pressure building here also. Stock up on those Twinkies.

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #692

Snoops: The poinsettias plant can make either you or your cat sick if you bite on it. Of course, many people will bite on it anyway, especially after Holiday meals and want to purge.

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #842

According to Snoops: The largest poisonous is the King Cobra! It's as long as a car and in 1964, killed two dozen clowns stuffed into a car at a circus.

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #725

Snoops: Tiny leeches can live in your nose. Doctors used to stop nosebleeds by attaching leeches, but quit when they began reaching their brains!"

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #804

Snoops: A flock of chickens is called a "peep". 'What, I say What, did you just call us? I will not, I say, I will not let that pass! Stand up boy, you're falling all over yourself!"

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #715

Snoops: Some brands of gelatin are made from the hide and bones of animals. For instance store brand "Bonehide Gelatin"!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Cruz: 'Global warming' not supported by Data

"Remember, this is the original Data before he was blown up by the Borg!"

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Gore warns Kansas: 'Dust Bowl coming back, quickly, unless we act'.#2

"The Floor is Falling! The Floor is falling!"

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Gore warns Kansas: 'Dust Bowl coming back, quickly, unless we act'.

Gore, this has happened before, repeatedly, for hundreds of years. Where were your global warming back hundreds or thousands of years ago? Native Americans can tell you a lot,

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
Rating:

Air Force reveals 'neighborhood watch' spy satellite program...

Be sure to close the curtains in your bedroom or kitchen if that's where you prefer.

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Christine O'Donnell: I was victim of IRS.

Most Americans agree as the exact same thing has happened to them!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Mexico's Most Wanted Drug Lord 'El Chapo' Captured #4

Tells those arresting him that he is really, "El Nopal" who runs many restaurants in Mexico and Texas.

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Mexico's Most Wanted Drug Lord 'El Chapo' Captured.#3

Argues that he is "El Camino" who once worked with General Motors in Detroit!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Mexico's Most Wanted Drug Lord 'El Chapo' Captured #2

Argues that he is "El Kabong" who used to star with Yogi The Bear Show!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Mexico's Most Wanted Drug Lord 'El Chapo' Captured.

Argues that he is his brother "El Cheapo" who only sold fake drugs.

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Brooks denies being a redhead, but admits to 'intimate ginger moments'

more soon (we are sorry to say)

written by Crunk, 23 February 2014
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Britney Spears Reveals New, Enhanced Look on Red Carpet

In related market news, chemical commodities and plastic futures soared to new record levels, while carpet cleaning solution suppliers recorded surging revenues.

written by Trinculoman, 23 February 2014
Rating:

First Returners from Sochi Held Hostage by Wildlife Defenders

Those landing at JFK from the Games faced hazard from Fans of Furry Wildlife(FFW). Returners had consumed wolfcutlets and foxfritters at Sochi cafeteria.FFW demanded regurgitation on the spot or else.

written by Trinculoman, 23 February 2014
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Obama family dog, Bo, escaped through White House fence 9 weeks ago....

FiFi, a neighborhood poodle, gave birth today to six puppies who are named Bo Derek, Bo Jackson, Bo Bridges, Bo Geste, Bo Winkle, and Bo Diddley.

written by Wumf, 23 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #033

Snoops: An apparition is a ghost. However, you'll get a bigger reaction if you yell "Ghost!" than if you yell "Apparition!"

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #993

Snoops: You can damage your hearing by holding back a sneeze. I say let it fly and damage the eardrums of others.

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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New IMAX Popular

The new inside 'roller coaster' in Seattle, Washington already very popular. You just sit in front at an IMAX and light up a joint.

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Girl Scout Sells Cookies Outside Pot Store

Smart kid. Sells out in five minutes!

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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Do The Twerkin' Frackenstein!(Shake, Rattle & Coal!)

Exxon CEO: You can Do anything But Don't Frack in My Backyard

written by Bureau, 23 February 2014
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