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Liverpool Fan Hospitalised After Laughing at Manchester United for 6 months

Liverpool fan joins a total of 53 currently in intensive care after prolongued laughing fit epidemic blamed on Manchester United hapless manager David Moyes or 'The One Stooge'. No end in sight!

written by VWVonHagen, 15 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #342

According to Snoops: A peacocks tail is more than half it's total body length, second only to that of Kim Kardashian.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #197

According to Snoops: Most flamingos get their pink color from eating shrimp or else they may be gay.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #165

According to Snoops: Some birds use silk from spider webs to help hold them together but the best nests have a tiny bit of Crazy Glue or used bubble gum.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #132

According to Snoops: People in Papua, New Guinea speak over 700 languages. So they have worked out some hand signals. Everywhere you look--Charades!

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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Dem GOP Cockraoches

Cockroaches can live weeks without a head. Then they starve to death. So let's drop that Washington DC plan.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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Lady Gaga Nipped by Slow Loris at Video Shoot

"Thank goodness it wasn't a FAST loris," said the relieved singer.

written by Gail Farrelly, 15 February 2014
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Man Finds Long-Lost Sibling…at Walmart

Maybe we have shopped WalMart so much we're beginning to all look alike.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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Military's 'Iron Man' Suit May Be Ready to Test This Summer

Be sure that our next war is in cold climate. Those look hot to wear.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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UN envoy 'very sorry' as Syria talks break off in failure

At least you gave them time to build another nuclear missile so some things were accomplished.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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Pavlov's Dong!

Here's a tip: If you will have the wife ring a bell when your Viagra wait is over, over a period of a few months, you can get off the Viagra. She can just ring the bell and off you go.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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A Severe Winter Breaks Budgets as Well as Pipes

Pipes in the south were not made for super cold weather. Create slick spots in roads, streets and crashed cars.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Rating:

The Turkey Knob Think Tank

That new Think Tank in Turkey, Tn., according to the article in the Knoxville Journal, is now studying "Why are there no ice cream sandwiches on rye or wheat. Don't you get your choice of relish?"

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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A Close Shave

After Fidel's whiskers caught on fire when he blew out candles last year, brother will have soldier stand behind him with a bucket of water.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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Actually The Was One Casualty

Further evidence has come in on that plane that went down in Hudson River. Although one engine was lost to a flock of geese, the other engine flew into a guy in a lawn chair, he only casualty.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Rating:

Self-Defense While Nude!

Most students of "Hung Pooh" say that it is the nastiest type of fighting they have ever ran into. Not dangerous, nasty.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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After Review, Ugandan President Will Sign Antigay Legislation

"I'm clipping their wings", says. "I give you a whole month to leave."

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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Great Lakes Now Completely Frozen Over

Sen Franken and former Gov Ventura claim from afar a Tea Party conspiracy funded by Koch brothers to undermine global warming. Ice fishermen rave, citing reduced hot air blasts from both the above.

written by Trinculoman, 15 February 2014
Rating:

Trying To Understand Jimmy Carter

Family and friends are concerned about former president Jimmy Carter as all he seems to be saying lately is "Let's get the old regime together".

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #185

According to Snoops: The phrase "Lame Duck" came from the Lincoln Assassination. Just before the shot, someone yelled "Mr. Lincoln Duck!" and when J. Wilkes Booth jumped on the stage he broke his leg.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #168

According to Snoops: The happiest man in the united states (1882-1970) was Herman Wilson, who was born with two penises! The happiest woman was his wife. None of his 16 male children inherited it.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #905

According to Snoops: "Boy" on the old Tarzan & Jane series was played by a girl.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #852

According to Snoops: Triskaidekaphobia is the fear of the number 13. That's why that big word is on so many elevators in between 12 & 14th floors. Whatever you do, don't stop there.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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150-Year-Old Valentine Goes on Sale For Charity in Florida

"I'm still sunky says Valentine. Course, being 150 I ain't much to look at but I still got my first set of false teeth!"

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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Gas Prices Set to Rise in Coming Weeks

And we were hoping they would go back to the 1960's $.60 per gallon. Let's get fracking out there.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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USA beat Russia in penalty shoot-out

Hope it doesn't turn into a real shootout, we'd both lose!

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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Calif. Water Politics Complicate Brown's Decisions

"As they say, 'I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't!' I hate politicians!"

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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5 siblings reconnect; 2 crossed paths at Wal-Mart

"It could have happened earlier if we hadn't been wearing all those weird outfits trying to get on the Facebook as WalMartians", says Roy.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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Twenty-five years after Soviet exit, Taliban says U.S. will meet same fate

That's just great. You mean the United States will have our own Prez Putin Macho Man in the future?

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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Syria peace talks in doubt after 6th day in Geneva

All sides stocking up on weapons during the break. Al-Qaida group asks for 2nd of 3 Time Outs.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Rating:

Feds Allow Banks to Deal in Pot Business.#3

That must be the reason for all the "Free Potluck for our Great Customer Days" at all the locals.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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Feds Allow Banks to Deal in Pot Business.#2

Some apparently already at banks. My teller today called me Mr. Purple and Yellow and gave me a $10 tip from cashing my check.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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Feds Allow Banks to Deal in Pot Business.

So wherever you live in the United States, get really friendly with your banker.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Rating:

800-Pound Runaway Snowball Slams Into College Dorm, Knocks In Wall.

When they took it apart they found guy on skis, thanking them.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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NWS: Mid-Atlantic Storm 9th Biggest Ever Recorded.

Although one guy in Virginia says he has a record that you can hear one bigger. He sleeps by it at night and snuggles under the covers, even in July.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #712

According to Snoops: Some common lizards live as long as two and a half feet.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #906

According to Snoops: At any given moment in Russia, someone is drinking vodka!

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #604

According to Snoops: If you have a guard dog, a good idea would be to name it "Boy". One friendly burglar's shout of "Here, Boy! will lose him a leg.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #607

According to Snoops: The Great Wall of China spans 5500 miles. That's probably why President Reagan didn't ask Chinese leader to "Tear Down This Wall".

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #417

According to Snoops: Bird feathers are made out of the same material as human skin, fish scales, Silly Puddy.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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Euthanasia In Belgium Abattoirs

Belgium is to introduce voluntary euthanasia in abattoirs. "An animal psychologist will explain to livestock what is ahead of them, and then we kill them." explained Health Minister Henri Viande.

written by Auntie Matter, 15 February 2014
Rating:

Governor Brown says to East Coast, "Send us your snow!"

meanwhile, aides are checking out the cost of refrigerated railroad cars....

written by Wumf, 15 February 2014
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Bessie the Bitch Wins The Voice Competition

Bessie, a Hounddog bitch, out howled the other human contestants in last night's final show of The Voice. Modest in her contractual demands after such a resounding victory, Bessie settled for a bone.

written by Trinculoman, 15 February 2014
Rating:

Mysterious fireball goes cross sky

It's called the Sun, guys. I realize it's been a long winter but here comes the sun! It's all right!

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
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California Officials Make Big Shark Fin Bust in SF

Shark fin said to be twenty feet tall and 30 feet at the bottom.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Rating:

Colorado Pot Candy Shows Up in North Texas: Cops

CPC is out there! Colorado Pot Candy. Just in time for Valentines Day.

written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Rating:

Wal-Mart Decides to Quit Selling Products from China

uh oh!

written by Wumf, 15 February 2014
Rating:

Happy President's Day

to the half of all U.S. President's with Irish Ancestry!

written by Wumf, 15 February 2014
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