Spoof news snippets from December 2014
There were 157 spoof news snippets published in December 2014. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Home and away to merge with neighbours.
Home and away are to merge with neighbours turning it into one show. The new soap is to start in the new year and is going to be called your neighbours are away ..
Customers accidentally get a side salad at Porn-U-Like
Hoping for some hard core when all that came was a limp Chicken Cesar
Bill Cosby Books Shows in North Korea and Burundi
Comedian Bill Cosby has announced that his comeback tour will continue, even though most venues have cancelled. The two new countries on the bill are just getting The Cosby Show and love Dr. Bill!
Did Queen Mother Eat Missing Australian Prime Minister ?
D.N.A. matching Harold Holt's the Prime Minister of Australia who disappeared while swimming near the Queen Mother in 1967 has been found on her fish knife by detectives looking for missing poachers.
Royal Corgis Now Go To Bathroom On Servants
As the days in Buckingham Palace get shorter. a new solution to doing a number two has been found. An army of "Poo Servants" has been hired to lay down instantly for the corgis to crap on.
North Korea's Internet Crashes for Two Weeks-No One Notices
North Korea, where electricity is a sometime thing, lost their Internet for two weeks but didn't notice until Kim Jong Un wanted to go online to check his favorite porn sites.
Mums Sending Tasteful Jumpers This Year
As a protest to the government's change in terms and conditions for Mums over Christmas, only tasteful, wearable jumpers will be sent out to sons this Christmas, said the association of British Mums
Joe Cocker and Lauren Bacall's Wills Are Read, Both Say Bill Cosby Drugged Them
In a surprising coincidence, both Joe Cocker and Lauren Bacall's wills gave information they were afraid to disclose while living, that they were both drugged by Bill Cosby with doctored pudding pops.
No New Bill Cosby Accusations for 24 Hours!
The accusations against Bill Cosby are starting to level off as, for the first time in months, no women have come forward in over 24 hours to accuse Cosby of any indiscretions.
Cincinnati Township orders man to kill his 'Zombie Nativity' scene
Much too close to Ebola symptoms for comfort, no wonder the Mayor's orifice went nuts!
North Korea's Internet Loss Traced to Black Site
NK's Web blackout attributed to deft CIA work at offshore installation. An incensed Sen D. Feinstein tried to dispatch AttyGen Holder to ferret it out,but Holder was outofpocket at Susan Rice's site.
Flying dinosaur on the loose turns out to be Brits' Princes Anus
Nearly fooled folks into thinking it was some sort of crazy hippopotamus!
Private armies might fight in future major conflicts says ex-Bush/Cheney bigwig
Nothing wrong with a little GOP entrepreneurship in the burgeoning private arms sales industry!
Al Qaeda publishes bomb-making recipe for aircraft attacks
Jihadis urged to use organic, bio-degradable ingredients in their explosives to stop blasts from contrubuting to global warming.
Pope JP2 gunman John Paul II gunman lays flowers at Vatican bombsite
About time the place was spruced up a bit!
Cops say resident shot masturbating burglar who stole his dog
Ain't life a bitch!
Woman dies after fall from stairlift at NY ski resort
Onlookers say total lack of snow maybe a contributory factor on the incident
Ebola spreads to Glasgow, Scotland!
Scottish Nationalists' mad cow disease symptoms now due for a major ovehaul
Isle Of Wight News - Underwater Hot Porridge For "Needles Hike" Event
New Year's Day "Needles" underwater hikers can enjoy a "world's first" with treacle flavour hot porridge available at 2.5 m. honey flavour at 3.0 m and plain salt flavour at 3.5 metres depth.
Prisoners Donate Clothes And Surplus Christmas Food To "Royals In Need"
In a kind gesture, British prisons have agreed to send food parcels to Buckingham Palace this New Year to combat "Daily Mail" ordinary people syndrome, which makes everyone think the Royals are poor.
Prince George hacks Kim Un-Jong.
Kim Un - Jong and Prince George have accidentally skyped each other, thanks to Nanny Kensington's Tea - Break.
Beer Rocket Safety Flares Available Online To Guide Drinkers Home
Forget the worry of coming out of a city bar at night and having to use a beer compass to get home. A beer rocket like those used by sinking ships can now fire a homing flare to guide you home by GPS.
Wiggly Supermarket Trolley Wheel Problem Solved At "Up-market" Superstores
British engineer Sir Craps Shooter-Dyson has invented a wheel-less shopping trolley which uses super-conducting maglift priciples. The smoother trolley is only for posh shops like Fortnum and Masons.
Obama calls for $263bn federal bung for Ferguson
Should keep the voices of dissent quiet over the festive season!
Son arrested after woman found RIP with arrows sticking out of head
Swears blind they were just playing cowboys and injuns when real life Commanches burst into the room and killed his poor old Ma
Cyber spy ring looks to frame US markets
Damn pesky Russian bastards at it again...
Presents from 'Twelve Days of Christmas' would cost $987,450
And that's before adjusting for inflation, ObamaScare and quantitative easing handouts to th troubled luxe gift industry
Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin is backing a whisky pipeline from Hooch, Hollow, Tennessee to Anchorage, Alaska.
"Let the moonshine flow!" She exclaimed.
Opticians To Stock Correction Spectacles For Wine Effects
Opticians have invented glasses to counter the "bottle of wine effect". Restoring chat up selectivity, they re-establish the ability to distinguish between Prince Harry and Justin Bieber types.
Former Pentagon No 2 to replace Chuck Hagel
Yep, General Sherman 'Big Turd' Sherman replaces 'Wee' Chucky Hagel the Defense Department's outgoing No 1 after the shit hit the fan at the Pentagon.
Revealed: San Francisco Chinese restaurant's disgusting' way of defrosting meat
Blowtorch treatment of the freezer soon thaws out all those yummy cats and dogs
Silly whorse gets itself stuck down a well
Rumors flying all over the place that's where a very disappointed jockey decided to house it overnight after a 50-length defeat at apteh races
Wife left husband's body to rot after he died with massive erection
Morticians examining the remains said it was still the last thing standing after six years, must have been one helluva guy
Put Christmas Slow Cooked Pork In Oven Now - Scientists
Dr. Brian Cock has issued a health warning that slow cooked pork for Christmas day should be going in the oven now. This will prevent overcooking and indigestion he told The Spoof's Xmas reporter.
UK Chancellor Osborne announces 25% Google 'shit' tax
New levy aimed at multinationals that shit their profits offshore....ah, shift. SHAFT??
Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin is backing a proposed whisky pipeline from Hooch Hollow, Tennesse to Anchorage, Alaska. "Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow!" She exclaimed.
Vladimir Putin's Race Between The Ruble And The Feather
If Vladimir Putin were to drop a ruble and a feather from the tenth floor of a building, which would land first?
Sprouts Now Officially Protected Species
It will be a sproutless Christmas, to the delight of children this year, as the WPA have banned all picking of them. Lack of harvesting controls, allowing baby ones to be routinely eaten is to blame.
Queens speach not on this year.
BBC and ITV Bosses have decided not to show the queens speech this Christmas and instead show a party political broadcast by UKIP. The queesn is thought to be upset by the move.
Princess Beatrice Hacks Into Kim Jong Un's Computer
Princess Beatrice is alleged to have hacked into Kim Jong Un's hacking computer to disrupt his hacking. Earlier Justin Bieber allegedly extracted pin-ups of the handsome ruler in a fit of jealousy.
UNITED STATES BIRD SLAUGHTER PREDICTED
In order to keep America's population in check, President Obama has signed an executive order making it mandatory for every member of the United States Congress to shoot a stork.
'Bimbo Hit List' Targets Contest Hillary's Plea to "Emphathize"
Jen Flowers,Paula Jones,Monica Lewinsky take exception to Hillary's assertion that one must "understand&emphathize" with enemies. They note that Clinton goon squads who harassed them had no such view.
Bandits busted fleeing with Dead Sea Scroll artefucts
Stole them for use as firelighters in the ass-freezing Israeli winter, poor bastards
WTF 'These rich women consider themselves as broke as bag ladies'
Madonna, Oprah and Kim Kardashian suddenly chanelling the penury look for a joke or a dare?
Cannibal killed and cooked landlady in downtown horror
Told cops he'd been badly let down at the Food Bank and it was a question of knife or death.
Senate files reveal CIA's use of sexual threats and mock executions
How else do you think the last 10 Presidents of the United States ever got elected?
Radicalised Hamsters With Suicide Belts Attack Hamster Wheel Factory
Jihadi style hamsters with sparklers tied to their waists have "fizzled" a pet toy factory in Scunthorpe. The factory manufactures giant Millenium hamster wheels, considered cruel by free hamsters.
Conservative Peer Baroness Jenkin of Kennington Defiant About Saying "Poor People Don't Know How To Cook"
'People who think otherwise just don't live in the real world,' she explained. 'The poor can have a use as domestic servants, but finding a cook for any of one's mansions or yachts is impossible.'
Drunken Glaswegians Using Voice Changers To Give Taxi Drivers Directions
Taxis dropping Drunken Scotsmen off at the wrong address could be a thing of the past now with the new Mc Dyson Invention, an on the fly translator. Mc Dyson apparently got the idea from "Star Trek".
Pair of Pentagon shrinks earned $81M from CIA torture program
Nice work of you can get it, advising torturers how to psych out the enemy and get away with it by calling it Cognitive Therapy
Pulled: Hanukkah wrapping paper covered in swastikas as festive Nazi season begins
Damn Hitler memorabilia revival creeping into the the holiday shopping zone
Obama's private chef-cum-food taster leaving the White House
Look out for his valedictory cookbook Eating Crow With Da Prez
Sinead O'Connor joins Irish rationalist party
Great piss-up went on until 4am over tequila slammers and chit-chat aboutSocrates and other Voice of Reason stuff
NYC ranked the most livable city for people under 3'5"
No, wait! Age 35! Rome's Catacombs district is the place for shortarses.
De Blasio's security sergeant 'must be back'
Everyone suddenly doing things by the book now Hizonner's Heavy is back on the job
Porridge Tankers To Pump Porridge Into Troughs For Poor Who Can't Cook
Arrangements are being made for porridge troughs to be built outside Westminster so that Lady Jenkin can herd starving people who can't cook towards the healthy but revolting substance.
NBA's Lebron James Now Has a New Nickname
NYC-After meeting the Royal Cambridges post-game,James has been dubbed "The Rude and Intrusive Paw" for breaking protocol and wrapping his mit around the Duchess.Lebron couldn't keep his Paw in check.
Russian military jet nearly collides with Swedish Mile High Club plane
Pilot Sergei Rasputin says he almost dislocated an eyeball looking at those nude ''Swedish Exercises" in Coach
Where's best to watch the spectacular Geminid meteor shower?
Probaby in NASA CEO's private ensuite bathroom!
Photos Of Prince George Published To Reward Press For Not Publishing Pictures Of Prince George
Prince William and the Duchess of Kate have supplied our royal baby department with carefully photoshopped photos of Prince George as a reward for not publishing Paparazzi photos of Prince George.
Christmas Appears To Be Approaching
Evidence of the stealthy approach of Christmas is mounting, with reports coming in to our Christmas reporters' buildings of Tweets and Facebook pages suggesting its likely date as December 25th.
Paparazzi Shocked As Christmas Prince George Photos Reveal He Looks Like A Normal 16 Month Old Child
Paparazzi clamouring to get photos of wealthy 16 month old baby Prince George were astounded when they found their cameras had recorded that Prince George was a normal 16 month old toddler.
Sydney Gunman 'Was Out-On-Bail Serial Pervert'
Sydney Arthur Gunman - not to be confused with the Sydney gunman in the Cafe siege
New road rage pill a winner
Little ampoule of cement/charcoal mix soon stops any urges to abuse fellow motorists
WTF 'Chris Christie crushed on Twitter'?
Maybe the guy got squished in between two giant cyber trucks
At last, Fakebook dismisses 'dislike' button as far too vegetative
Update On Ruble And Feather Race
Houston: The feather has landed. The Russian ruble continues to fall…
NIAGARA FALLS IS MOVING
The city of Chicago, in an attempt to calm everybody down, has purchased Niagara Falls. "We are going to put it right next to Wrigley Field!" Exclained the mayor.
Hogwarts Academy Hires Bill Cosby as New Potions Teacher
Harry Potter's school, the Hogwarts Academy, has announced that they will be hiring Bill Cosby as their new potions master."Dr. Cosby has been known to cook up some mean potions!" said the Headmaster.
Terrorist Orphans Threaten to Shut Down "Annie"
The Guardians of Paternity threatened to carpet movie theaters with dirty diapers if they dare to open that affront to orpans, the new movie Annie.
"As if one wasn't enough!" spoke a GOPer.
Sony to Open "The Interview" in Iran
In a surprise move, the Sony Corporation has announced that they will now be opening their beleaguered film in Iran. "Let Iran fight it out with North Korea.It's a win-win!" said a Sony spokesperson.
Christmas Shoppers Spend £1.2bn On 'Panic Saturday'
Retailers are bracing themselves for a final shopping onslaught on Christmas Eve or 'Oh my God, it's Christmas Day tomorrow, why didn't anybody warn me?' Wednesday.
North Korea Seeks Joint Probe With US On Sony Hack
'Grave consequences will follow if America rejects our inquiry plan,' said Pyongyang, 'or if they screen "The Interview" or do anything that leads Kim Jong-un to stamp his feet and throw a tantrum.'
Barack I Now Wants to Be Addressed With a New Moniker
WashDC: Emperor Barack I has issued an imperial order that all courtiers and palace plebs shall now address him as: His Excellent Cubaness "Che-Fidelio". The Secret Service scrambled to update codes.
Kim Jong un Has His Computer Gold Plated
Kim Jong un's fantastic incredibly fast and up to date Commodore 64 computer has been gold plated and encrusted with diamonds to make it the best computer in the world.
A Delighted Putin Sends Obama An Early Gift
Moscow-Since the US has now taken Cuba off his hands, Chief Thug Putski sent Barack I a case of Beluga cavier with the following note: Merry CommiMass,comrade Barack,enjoy munchin & smokin with Fidel!
Jesus is Just Having A Quiet Family Christmas
Jesus announced on posters outside chapels today that after shopping online, he was just having a quiet Christmas with 5 loaves, 2 fishes and lots of home made wine. It's a miracle, I'm all ready!
Gorilla Found In London Theatre
The audience of Drury Lane Theatre In London were involved in a lost escaped gorilla capture today.The entire stalls section came to the aid of Buttons by shouting "It's behind you" to him.
Turkeys Become Suspicious Of "Too Good To Be True" Environment
Reports of turkeys peering under cage doors and through holes in sheds are being taken seriously after the catastrophic consequences (a glut of small turkeys) of a hunger strike were evaluated.
Electric Chairs To Be Installed In Obamacare Homes
Care homes are to have "Old Sparky" style electric chairs installed to help reduce the cost of arthritis medication. the voltage applied will be similar to Star Trek "Set to stun" levels.
New York Distillery Raided By Elliot Ness
The first new Big Apple Gin distillery since prohibition has been smashed up by Elliot Ness, a distant relative of Elliot Ness. "I saw Alice Capone in there", he drunkenly explained to bogus cops.
Kim Jong un Has His New Christmas Song Dedicated To Himself
Last night the population of North Korea wee ordered to sing "Kim Jong merrily is high", the ruler's self composed Christmas Carol, to thank him for keeping out evil Western influences.
Dog struggling to find new response to "How was your day, Buddy?"
Buddy the dog always greets his owner with a wagging tail and smiling face, but has grown concerned that he needs to vary his response, based to the reality of his day and his activities.
Twenty Women Come Forward and Claim They Were Never Assaulted by Bill Cosby
In a move that will go a long ways in clearing Bill Cosby's reputation, twenty women have come forward to say that Cosby NEVER laid a hand on any of them.
Sony Delighted With Success Of Advertising Campaign For "The Interview"
'Insulting Kim Jong-un has given the film worldwide exposure,' said a Sony spokesman. 'The Interview 2 is now planned in which Vladimir Putin is outed as a homosexual and Pope Francis has an affair.'
Strangest Yorkshire Christmas Tradition Of All
It is now customary In Scunthorpe to remove the shiny balls, angels and paper ceiling trimmings at Christmas and eat them. This is advertised as a Christmas dinner including all the trimmings.
Woman died after crack removed from vagina
A true story this, apparently surgeons found a glass pipe and a vile - uh, vial! - of crack cocaine inside her vagina, poor woman probably hid them from the cops before coming up a cropper
Baby shunned by other gorillas will sue zoos
Blatant simian-on-simian discrimination lawsuit bound to make the nipper a huge pile of cash...lawfirm of Patton Boggs on the case?
Astrophysicist angers Christians with Christmas shit
Ah shucks, meant to say tweet!
Some bodies pulled from burned gingerbread house where kids visited Grandma
Blame that arson-crazy Big Bad Wolf for latest Yuletide outrage
Topless activist storms St Peter's Square nativity play on Christmas Day
Bet she got frostbite on her nipples for all that palaver
Passenger tossed after flipping out over air crew's rendition of Merry Xmas
Lightly in olive oil - before a quick grilling in the airport lounge
6 year old confiscates toys
'Mummy and Daddy wouldn't stop talking during a game of Lego
World...'says Sophie, 6.'I've locked the pieces away until they apologise.'
Post Christmas Christmas Intoxication Detox Toxic
say Toxins Experts...but Toxic Anti - oxides may have detoxifying qualities , though high in alkalines, which may oxidise, or deoxygenate, depending on Oxy- Ribonucleic Levels. Drink sensibly.
Obama plays Golf while Stuff happens
'Stuff happens , all the time..the President can't stop stuff happening,so he might as well play some Golf, where nothin' much happens 'n he can get a break from stuff happenin'', says random guy.
Viral Bug goes Viral
Kids with nasty sneezing virus go viral on YouTube.
Check out images of California Teens with hankies at:http/
Viral Bug goes Viral
Kids with nasty sneezing virus go viral on YouTube.
Check out images of California Teens with hankies at:http/
New Year's Eve Corrie to feature Emily Bronte
Coronation Street will vye with Eastenders on 31st Dec.
The episode will feature Emily Bronte as a Nail- Bar Trainee.
Eastenders will rival with a guest appearance by Shakespeare,as a Hipster Nurse.
French Alp Snow Fluctuation is Anti - British Plot
'Whether lack of, or too much, snow, it's all about scuppering British Skiiers', says UKIP.
'No it's not,' says the Association Alpineurs de France'..
'it's about Snow - Fall, end of'.
Obama Calls Kim Jung-un a 'Bug-Eating, Dog-Munching, Ping-Pang Gook'
Hours after North Korea's Supreme Leader, Kim Jung-un called President Obama a "monkey", Mr. Obama responded, saying that Kim Jung-un was "a bug-eating, dog-munching, ping-pang gook".