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Pipe Dreams

On This Day in 1957... Teddy Boy Billy O'Toole broke his leg by falling from a rooftop in Allerton Liverpool. He later claimed to have been drunk, and was attempting to get a new set of drainpipes.

written by Nate John Won, 15 August 2014
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Escargot to Go

Customers at 'Barnacle' Ben Bennett's Seashell Shack had a nasty shock when they were served snails instead of cockles. 'It's my knees,' said Ben. 'It's easier just to rummage around in the garden.'

written by Nate John Won, 15 August 2014
Rating:

A Good Old Day's Work

Workers at Pickwick Victorian Fair were disgruntled after being paid a groat apiece for a hard day's work. Owner 'Hearty' Joe Riley denied any unfair practice. 'It's the going rate for 1828,' he said.

written by Nate John Won, 15 August 2014
Rating:

Double or Drop in Crackerjack Toads

Following a recent fall in the number of Crackerjack toads, the Scots Amphibian Society have issued a plea for folk to yell 'Crackerjack!' every time one is spotted every Friday, at 5 o'clock.

written by Nate John Won, 15 August 2014
Rating:

Rowling is a Man

Rowling has confessed to her true gender. "Yes, I am a man... the hint was in my name "J.K Rowling"... I am soooooo sorry but I am Dumbledore, Queen of the Muggles, and always have been."

written by Auntie Matter, 15 August 2014
Rating:

Pope Disappainted.

A scheduled portrait of Pope Francis that was to have been undertaken by Rolf Harris has been cancelled, the Vatican says.

written by Auntie Matter, 15 August 2014
Rating:

UK Legal World Record

Schillings of London has been entered into the Guinness Book of Records as "the legal firm to have issued the most injunctions in legal history". They have issued an injunction against the publishers.

written by Auntie Matter, 15 August 2014
Rating:

Health & Human Services (HHS) Announces Striking Plan to Reduce Medicare Costs

WashDC-HHS activated a way to slash Medicare costs. Replacing the "Death Panels" created by ObamaCare will be firing squads who shall shoot all those over age of 65, except card-carrying Socialists.

written by Trinculoman, 15 August 2014
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Kerry's Latest Israeli-Hamas Peace Negotiation Takes Place with Minimal Press Coverage

HoChiMinhCity,VietNam- Ambassadors from Fredonia, OZ, and Hobbitalia met with Secy John Kerry at his villa here to ruminate on a proposed cease-fire.The usual pleasant inanities were observed en toto.

written by Trinculoman, 15 August 2014
Rating:

FoxNews Viewers Tweet Approval As Greta Van Susteren Becomes Silent

Viewers were given a treat last night as the host of OnTheRecord tied her tongue into multiple knots, interrupting coherent guests with her ranting one too many times so that she was left speechless.

written by Trinculoman, 15 August 2014
Rating:

Martha's Vineyard Hit by Out-of-Season NorEaster Due Recent Atmospheric Condition

Island was pummeled by NorEaster gale force winds yesterday, proving again that Nature abhors a vacuum. Due to relocation of Obama Administration's Transparency Vacuum here, Nature responded on cue.

written by Trinculoman, 15 August 2014
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