Spoof news snippets from Monday 30 September 2013
NASA stored Brazilian metadata of millions of web users for one whole year
Eventually it was vaporized in deep space after ejection from International Space Station toilet
Google used smartass accountants to avoid £150m UK tax
Expect imminent nomination for Nobel Fiction Prize
Double whammy as Hillary Clinton TV mini-series and documentary back on cutting room floor
Studio bosses suggest she auditions for role in new remake of the Addams Family
BP faces $18bn, fine
CEO redrafts statement, saying exorbitant charges 'definitely not fine'
Space Station astronauts use robotic arms
New mechanical space guns are pre-programmed to shoot down alien craft
Ex-Sun hack charged over mobile...
er, mobile home that is, forgot to get his road tax
Duck boat fire on River Thames claims more fatalities
Nearly 200 mallards frazzled to cinders as surviving chicks vow to take the Tube next time
Mortgage approvals his new fove year high
Borrowers increasingly using their loans to bankroll lucrative home-grown skunk farms
Two ex-Popes to be made saints in April next year
That's April 1st, in case you wondered
Sheikh McTomb-Raider orders emergency horse drugs seizure inquiry
Great idea! And the junior wife is carrying out the probe, just to keep it in the family.
Turkish PM Recep Tayyip Erdogan removes ban on neckties
Anyone caught not wearing one will get five years and a very sore neck
More human waste discovered in plush central London garden square
Locals are blaming Romanian migrants who were given free repatriation plane tickets home last month and are back with a vengeance
Osborne aims for surplus of budgies by 2020
Think 'Surfeit of Lampreys' with bright yellow feathers to get his drift
Tories promise to scrap Labour's Human Frights Act if re-elected
A replacement Tory Frights Act is being drafted as we go to press
O'Bama... "Our Real Enemy".
Explaining cuts in Health Care O'Bama has announced; "CIA intelligence has at last unearthed our real enemy. It is not Islam as we thought. It is Christianity."
Sven Gorran-Errikson puts himself forward for the England womens team job
"I have watched them play and they are very - how you say - very talented" said the bespectacled Swedish coach.
John Terry has offered to help with the coaching.
Irish PM: right time, wrong place
The Irish Prime Minister has landed to a good reception at Paris Airport, which is fine considering he was intending to land at Heathrow Airport. An investigation is under way by the Foreign office.