Spoof news snippets from Saturday 28 September 2013
Law restricting paparazzi to snap photos of stars' children now Calif. law -
If the paparazzi would all go out and get real jobs, there wouldn't be a need for such a law.
BBC: 'Bottled mucus may someday help with gut diseases' -
So rush out to your local pub and order yourself a pint or two. It helps if you're already smashed to down the snot, though.
Kanye West boasts to BBC that he's the "greatest rock star on the planet" -
What planet, Kanye? Mercury? Mars? Jupiter? Uranus? Perhaps some exoplanet not discovered yet?
Mozart Sussed at Last
UK Medical Assoc.Release; "This person had an "obsessive compulsive neurosis" and a "behavioural dsyfunction typical of problem gamblers. Medication would have helped". The subject? Wolfgang Mozart.
Envoy to Iraq
A team of psychologists from the University of California have been sent to Iraq to study the origins of "conspiracy theory" among prisoners and survivors.
Baroness Thatcher finally laid to rest...Christ, how much garlic and how many stakes and silver bullets did it eventually take?
Obama really pissed
President Barack Obama, in a fit of pique, has ordered the nuclear destruction of Russia following his belittlement by Vladmir Putin over the Syrian crisis. "Bomb the pricks" he screamed at Pentagon.
Origami condom collapses, hurts
A new style of condom, the origami condom, hasn't flopped-it has collapsed. "I like to scream when I'm doing it," said Carlos Gomez of Harfold, Vermont. "But damn, not because I'm gettin' sliced up."
Misprinted Headline Regarding Syria Not Good
A headline that was intended to read "United Nations Security Council Votes To Destroy Syria Chemical Weapons" was printed as "United Nations Security Council Votes to Destroy."
Reincarnated Woman Calls BS On Acronymn "YOLO"
"LMAO!" she exclaimed, "I know better."