Order by:
Rating:

Bum Gives Interview

If you don't mind sleeping on a bench & an occasional hotfoot from some kid, a drunken bums life's not bad. Of course, I wouldn't recommend it for everyone. Just those of us who have a certain BELCH!

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Shoppers Complain

"Here it's not even Halloween and some stores already have out Rumnog on the shelf. I tell you, it gets earlier every year. I think I'll get some."

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

North Koreans Launch Satellite

International announcement tells everyone that if they hear a high sounding humming, duck their heads!

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Iceberg Loaded with Old People Hits Cruise Liner.

"I don't know what we're to do", says Captain. "They have eaten everything on the buffet. Now they're in the big pool naked as jaybirds!"

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Our Universe May be Just One of Infinite Number of Universes

Something for us to think about and give serious thought to next time we get stoned.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Former Leader Morsi to face trial in Egypt

Workers told to hold off on building his pyramid. Riot!

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Field of Suspects narrows, say Police

After County Coroner finds the cause of young mans death was "Shunning"!

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

UN Decides to Put Off Action on Climate Change

'Everybody talks about the weather but nobody does anything about it", says Secretary General.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Amish, Mennonites Exchange Words

"You Amish think you're all that!" "Those are pretty strong words, Sir!"

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

A Change For Amish

Pole dancing allowed as long as dancer covered and pole has pole beans growing on it!

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

New Poll Shows Difference

Latest Poll shows that Americans are much more upbeat than they were this morning. Football team probably won. Got paid a debt. No Syrian War.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Another Sex Ruling

District Judge Bob "Posie" Pansy overturns anal sex ban!

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

David Frost Dies on Ship

And no, it was not a Disney Cruise ship!

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

School Janitor Arrested

School janitor in Kentucky fired after it was discovered that he had been selling kids black market Twinkies and ding dongs for double price for years.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Ozzy Osbourne in Trouble Again

After getting upset and angry at interviewer's questions, Ozzy bites his head off!

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Waitress Trying too Hard for Tip!

"You see what the Cowboys did to the Eagles today?" "Beat then 28-0!...Zilth!!!" ("Yes, we saw it on a friends big TV.") "Ohh, I bet you say that to all the girls!"

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Pope Benedict Seen Again!

This time it's in the mall shopping in the 'Bed, Bath and Baby Baptismal' Store.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

News From "Mount Canadian"

Belly-flop contest at family get-together leaves two skinned bellies, two hernias, one bruised tit and several guys walking funny,

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Friends of Al Gore Becoming Alarmed

"All he talks about is global warming and high fiber diets. Recently, we have noticed that after he passes gas, the seat of his pants are green."

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Priest Becoming Alarmed

Old lady's erotic sins becoming more and more detailed in the confessional. "Of course, before he started George always took out his teeth....."

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Ways to Cut the National Budget: #5

Every actress, actor, politician, sports figure that gets pulled over for DUI pays $25 surcharge!

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Ways to Cut the National Budget: #4

Hollywood could help. $10 Kissing Booth for kissing Star of the day. Bieber, Miley help your country.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Ways to Cut the National Budget: #3

Charge $2 a month to get 24-hour all naked men channel!

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Ways to Cut the National Budget: #2

Special $10 per month charge for 24-hour all naked women channel!

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Ways to Cut the National Budget:

Let citizens bid on who gets to pull the lever on electric chair executions!

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

President Obama Still Having Trouble Deciding About Syria

"He was up pacing the floor and talking to himself most of the night", says Michelle.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Local Man Who Runs Salvage Store Arrested

After he and family all caught on video going around town bending cans on shelf.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Another Store Closes in Many Malls

"Japanese Flourescent Fish Fingers" closing in the mall the 50th in the last two years.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Local Drunk Seen Talking to Horse

"Shay there bud...do I detect a shmall accent? Whew? Maybee jest the scent part?"

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Police Question eBay Sale

After bidding starts on "One of Michael Jackson's old noses!"

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Deadly Game of Hopscotch Stopped By Police

After three ambulance runs from same area, all victims Mothers suffering from broken backs!

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

SHOCK: Wife boils husband in pressure cooker.

Who would have thought that the best known weapon of mass destruction was a pressure cooker?

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

EU plans to fit all cars with speed limiters.

Drivers will need to be careful about passing, running foot through the floorboard.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Wife who made Jello/ Fruit Cocktail floating on Top Upset

After her dad called the whole concoction by a vulgar name floating in another vulgar name!

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

BBC plans 'Tweet of the Day,' radio for birds -

The birds say they tweet enough at sunrise, sunset, and all times in between. They don't really need the BBC. "Tweet, tweet, tweet," they tweet.

written by Samuel Vargo, 01 September 2013
Rating:

BBC Apologizes for Airing 'Penis Doodle' on Prince William's Head -

But the BBC isn't apologizing for all the sensationalism it's caused.

written by Samuel Vargo, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Justin Bieber attacked at a Toronto nightclub -

"I'm thinking of becoming a WWE wrestler and a boxer. I'm getting into so many fights, I might as well get paid for it," Bieber says.

written by Samuel Vargo, 01 September 2013
Rating:

A lot of people are calling Johnny Manziel 'a jackass' -

The Texas A & M QB says "So What?" - if you could play like me, everyone would call you a jackass, too.

written by Samuel Vargo, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Kloe Kardashian tells Lamar Odom "Smile and Nobody Will Notice" about his DUI arrest -

Odom tells Kloe not to worry, cocaine makes him smile a lot anyhow.

written by Samuel Vargo, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Cinderella MLB Team Apprehensive

Hopes none of the playoff games go past midnight!

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Elvis Imitator Wants to See President

See if President Obama would make him a Special Agent in drug control!

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

President Speaks About Syria

"I have consulted with congress & the UN and have concluded that, if I had a dollar for every hemorrhoid I have this minute, I'd have $12.00....hacked again. Can't you guys do something about this?"

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

WH Spokesman Says Obama Has Talked to Putin

"Talked some about Syria but mostly argued over Miley Cyrus appearance on awards show."

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Japanese Whaling Boat Swallowed By Huge Whale

Whale apparently grew to huge size after being in water released from Nuke plant over the past two years.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Ventriloquist Gets New Leg

A Ventriloquist who had to have leg amputated from injury in fire hearing a lot of jokes from his wooden dummy over prosthetic. "Better warn the dog he might get a bad splinter humping that!"

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Rapper to Change Name

Horace Jones now 'P. Doodle Wicky Pati Wanky Ho'. Associates tell him he's overdoing it a bit.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

President's New Policy

Obama wants every student in school to learn to hide in spider holes.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Conservative Home School Re-acts to Obama

Home school in Tennessee has mother-written play for her kids to reenact President Obama walking away from Assad.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Cool Summer Indicates Global Warming

One of the coolest summers ever shows that Global Warming is getting worse, according to experts.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Former Wall Street Workers Finding Jobs Hard to Get

"I got fired at a great job as waiter because I'd forget and scream out our customers orders", says one. "Same here. I got a job for 2 weeks at a funeral home. I forgot & screamed 'Lame flowers here!"

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

NRA Offers to Help!

With the President's blessing, the NRA say they could take care of Syria any time US wants them to. "We have them outgunned 100-1", says leader.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Syrian "Fence" Caves!

Assad told reporters today that President Obama has sat on the fence so long that it has rotted out from under him.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Obama Calls for Fast Action on Gun Violence

"Not like me on this Syrian attack. Somebody has to decide something before I leave office."

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Monk Predicts end of the world in 2014!

Monk given dart and placed near dart board at Irish Pub. Hit the April 22nd, 2014 date with dart on second try, after first dart hit old lady passed out on the floor. Monk then taken back to zoo.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Victoria's Secret Changing

Victoria's Secret in many Southern and Midwestern cities and towns say that they will quit selling assault weapons after Christmas this year.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Why Fukushima is worse than you think

Leaks now worse than two years ago. Neighboring nations, ships now becoming alarmed.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Teens hide from parents online

Many parents go to teens rooms to find them empty. "I saw her go in. Where did she go?"

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Pope asks other faiths to join day of prayer for peace in Syria

Probably more bullets fired into the air than prayers, say some.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Russia's Putin Also Strutting Around

"It was the Russian ships that turned the tide."

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Syria hails 'historic American retreat' as Obama hesitates

Leader of opposition: "This certainly doesn't help our situation. We can be gassed at will."

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Oklahoma Kangaroo, Pet Woman Find Home at Zoo

I'm sorry. That should have read: Pet Okla. woman, kangaroo find new home at zoo. Woman and pet kangaroo find zoo at home of kangaroo. Forget it. Not that important anyway. Go read the Sports page.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Analysis: Obama's credibility on line in reversal

Rand Paul: And what credibility is that? We have a lot of credit, but no credibility.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Obama Backs Out of Bombing Syria

Assad: "So where is the big Obama at home with his Mama?" (Crowd cheers). "I wave my private parts at you!" (What else did the French say in Python's Holy Grail?).

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Air National Guard Accidentally Drops 'Practice' Bomb Into Bar Parking Lot 2

"Worse thing that's happened here since that big turkey drop over 20 years ago", says bar customer. "Broke my windshield."

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Air National Guard Accidentally Drops 'Practice' Bomb Into Bar Parking Lot.

"Tell them to drop them somewhere else", says bartender. "I got several in here who have messed their pants...including me."

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Bieber attacked in Toronto nightclub

Drunken customer kept calling him "Beaver". Made him mad and picked fight with old guy who flattened him then proclaimed "That wasn't the Beaver, little lyar."

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Husband, Wife Both Die

Local woman dies at 87. Friends say that she and husband would have been married for 65 years had he lived. But husband had already died over 50 years ago! "Life is amazing", says relative.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

High radiation readings found at Fukushima tanks

"Our biggest fear is that Godzilla is now twice its size!", says government official.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Rudd now a dick (tator)

Australian PM Kevin Rudd, in an act of desperation to hold on to power, has cancelled all elections and banned opposition parties. Rudd wants to be leader for life and a major TV celebrity. Oh God!!

written by whatinthe world, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Obama to Seek Approval from His Parents Before Syria Strike

Barack Obama said that he has decided to launch cruise missiles against Syria after he gets authorization for the mission from his parents.

written by Moose, 01 September 2013
Rating:

The Ever So Popular Miley Cyrus

Ever since Miley Cyrus did her foam finger rubba dub dubbing on the MTV Music Video Awards she has received over 17,000 marriage proposals from prison inmates throughout America.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Snooki Just Can't Catch A Break

Snooki is suing a perfume company after she said she used it and still ended up smelling like a pepperoni pizza.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 September 2013
Rating:

What Was Dunkin Donuts Thinking?

Dunkin Donuts has apologized for their racist ad campaign featuring a woman in black face with pink lips. A spokesperson said they will be donating $8,000 to the NBA.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Detroit?

Russian President Putin tells President Obama to stay out of Syria or else he will send Russian troops to Detroit.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Donald Trump University News

FOX News is reporting that Donald Trump University's nickname will be the Beaverheads, in honor of Donald "Beaverhead" Trump.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Batman and The White Hip Hopper?

Ben Affleck will be starring as the new Batman and movie executives hope to sign Justin Bieber to play his sidekick Robin.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Present Goals of Houston Astros (Worst in MLB) #5

5. Go for a home run every time you swing, even if you get the sign to bunt runner along.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Present Goals of Houston Astros (Worst in MLB) #4

4. Hire really great looking call-girl and get some pics together as agents wore likely to spot possible position on other teams next year. (Yankees?)

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Present Goals of Houston Astros (Worst in MLB) #3

3. Grab up all the visiting teams Paraphernalia to sell on eBay during the winter.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Present Goals of Houston Astros (Worst in MLB) #2

2. Just place "L" on rest of games this season and take down calendar from locker.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Present Goals of Houston Astros (Worst in MLB)

#1. Begin calling NFL teams to see if they need a good former high school football player, especially call the Texans.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

Physicists: We're Closer To Quantum Computing!

We have already invented a computer with enough knowledge that it makes Big Blue look like an idiot/savant.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

In Hollywood, "Maps to Gun-Owning Stars' Homes" go on sale.

In the Midwest and South, all houses are listed. Actually more than one gun shows the same.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
Rating:

The White House walk-and-talk that changed Obama's mind on Syria

Kerry: Assad no longer a thug and a murderer! I guess he changed hats.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2013
« Aug 2013 September 2013 Oct 2013 »
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3rd
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10th
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11th
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12th
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13th
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