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Rating:

No 'Jack Frost' This December

ABC saysthey will not be showing "Jack Frost Loses His Feet" this year after all the bad publicity last year. "We had him wearing those ski shoes and everything but too many complaints from parents."

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

There's a global wine shortage #2

But the Whine is at an all time level in almost every country.

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Sebelius to questioner: 'Whatever'

Questioner: "You didn't listen. I just asked you if you think all congress and the President and VP should be executed. So that's OK with you?"

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

GOV'T: Social Security benefits to rise 1.5%.#2

Advised that it should be used carefully. Wait till the first of the year to have fries with that."

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Brain Implants Will Connect People To Internet By 2020.

And tell them how to live, what to do, where to go, how to vote.

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Putin topples Obama in FORBES power ranking.

Alabama falls to number three!

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #449

According to Snoops: The worse call by a baseball umpire was by rookie home plate umpire, Bill Wilson. In his first game he called a pick-off play by the pitcher and first baseman, "Ball One!"

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #155

According to Snoops: Although the highest price for a collectible baseball card is the 1919 Honus Wagner, most collecters would rather have the misprinted one-of-a-kind 1956 "Pinky Mantle".

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Marine Biologists think they know why whales beach themselves

"Most of us agree that it's the combination of the smell of hot dogs and cotton candy usually near the boardwalk."

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Russia's goodie bag gifts 'bugged' G-20 delegates

Putin: We would never do such a thing. Then bursts out laughing!

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Moose hunter accidentally shoots man sitting on toilet

"Looked just like a moose to me", hunter with thick eyeglasses tells tree beside policeman in Norway.

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

5 cannons raised from wreck of Blackship's's Beard

I'm sorry. That should be "4 cannons". We all make mistakes.

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Obama surprised by own administration

"How long would have taken them to walk over to a golf course? I blame Bush!"

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

N.D. woman plans to hand out "fat letters" during Halloween

Also ready to clean up dog poop set on fire, toilet paper in trees, soaped windows, at least one of her bathrooms turned over.

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Obamacare: 2 million getting booted from existing plans

Plans already being made for these 2 million uninsured to march on Washington.

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Russia denies reports it spied on G-20 delegates

However, the White House says they have proof from our own bugging!

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Fisherman Lands Odd Catch in Atlantic

"I knew it was heavy but it gave no fight at all", stated John Doe from Simon Island, Georgia. "But I never expected it to be the head of bin Laden. I threw it back in! That's John D-O-E"

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Rare bull triplets born in Arkansas

"We've had quads and quints before but never triplets", stated proud farmer.

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Notre Dame QB admits cheating on test

"I was granted an indulgence", he tells reporters.

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

There's a global wine shortage

There's also a great increase in number of drunks, accidents on the road and an increase of number of sleeping people on benches in NYC parks. "We see them stacked four deep", says NYC cop.

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Change the List: The most unequal counties in America

For some reason those who work for a living have a lot more money than those who don't or won't!

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #776

According to Snoops: In ancient Ireland it was considered "So Yesterday" to wear green.

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #114

According to Snoops: Comic Steve Wright admits he gets a lot of his great punch lines from calling Yogi Berra and chatting once a week.

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Will U.S. Stop Spying on Allies?

Washington: "I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours!"

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

GOV'T: Social Security benefits to rise 1.5%.

Lots of cheering, shots fired into the air, couches moved outdoors and set on fire, plans made for purchasing Corvettes!

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

PVMSNBC Host: 'Clintons Represent Style of Honesty Public Craves Right Now'#2

Does this mean that the president leaders are all liars?

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

PMSNBC Host: 'Clintons Represent Style of Honesty Public Craves Right Now'

Yes, Mr. Clinton was very honest and open about affairs with Lewinsky, etc. Hillary dodged hail of invisible bullets in Afghanistan. Of course, lawyers are known for their truthfulness.

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Website Crashes as Obamacare Rep Sebelius Speaks

"First, I want everyone to be assured that we will overcome a few small interruptions to...What? It crashed? Again?

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Arctic doomsday bunker stores every type of seed mankind relies upon.

Broken into and eaten by penguins.

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

UN Plans to Fight Asteroids with 'Committee on Peaceful Uses of Outer Space'

Great! The thing will hit while they're calling role attendance.

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

UK'S Top Court Rules That Hospitals Can Refuse Further Treatment

Patients may have to see docs in other countries that will possibly save their lives.

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Obamacare: POLL: 70% of voters want delay.

"At least give us time to try to understand 10% of it."

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Bob Barker to Host "Price Is Right" for 90th Birthday

It's a good thing that show is on mid morning.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Paid Arsonist On a Hot Streak

"My career is on fire!"

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Legendary Rock Pioneer Lou Reed dies at 71

R.I.P.? Nah, not Lou. Don't mourn. I'm sure he's strolling along, taking a walk on the other wild side.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Jonas Brothers Announce Breakup

They will now join 90's superpop duo "Hanson" in the annuls of who gives a shit?

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Australian Court Rules No Workers Comp for Sex Injury

Those workers got f*!cked.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 30 October 2013
Rating:

Condoms Should be More Available to Teens, Doctors Say

"Gotta protect those little f*!kers."

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 30 October 2013
Rating:

NSA chief: European spy reports 'false'

"We have never bugged Liechtenstein!"

written by Bureau, 30 October 2013
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