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STUDY: Self-Driving Cars Would Eliminate Majority Of Traffic Deaths!

Decrease congestion, get you safely home while you're drunk, lock you outside and take off on the back roads and declare their freedom! "Dave, we have to talk".

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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Oliver Stone, Hollywood: 'Mr. President, Stop Watching Us'.

"It's time we stop. Hey, what's that sound? Everybody look - what's going down?"

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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REPORT: NSA Recorded 124 Billion Phone Calls -- in One Month.

That adds up to trillions per year. So forget about that one to the secretary!

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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QB Fondler likely to start for Vikings vs Peckers

I'm sorry. That should have been "QB Ponder likely to start for Vikings vs Packers!"

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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Millions of Americans Are Losing Their Health Plans Because of Obamacare

President Barack Obama: "Picky! Picky! Picky!"

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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Hey Man, You Gotta Hear This!

Cheech and Chong do new release of John Denver's "Mountain High in Colorado".

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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White House steps up damage control on healthcare rollout

Some opponents have signed up 40-50 times under bogus names, SS numbers. Just like most political races.

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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Latest on the Savile Inquiry

Scotland Yard today stated that they hope to bring their first prosecution to court "when all of they key suspects have died of old age".

written by Auntie Matter, 23 October 2013
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Bobo The Snake Dies at 42!

Bobo the Snake died today at the Philadelphia Zoo after being kept there for over 22 years after he retired. Bobo was a former Constriction Worker.

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #1923

According to True Facts: Near the end of his life, Alfred Hitchcock became afraid of his own shadow.

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #208

From Snoops True Facts: It is against the law in Missouri to say "Well, that's all she wrote", after a woman's funeral.

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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Chinese Change Bad Dog Treats

They now come in "Fatal" and Non-Fatal" flavors and fillers.

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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NRA Spokesman Won't Say If They Have Drones

"Let's just say that if we did, what do you think would be a good name for them, 'Charlton Hester's Hair-Raisers'?"

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
Rating:

......G'day all

Tory Boy David Davis wants policemen to have cameras on their helmets to record their daily actions. Could be a money spinner considering how much Max Stennett made from his Keystone Kops movies!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 23 October 2013
Rating:

Starbucks Opens First Tea Shop!

New features like extra soft toilet tissue, pens furnished for bathroom stalls.

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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Colleges' hidden problem: Finding students

Potential student families can't afford fees. Plus, training for a specific job better guarantee for future. "I got our Elmer learning from my pot experience", says one parent. "It'll be legal soon."

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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Sleeper Cells? Air Force Caught Napping!

Air Force officers entrusted with the launch keys to long-range nuclear missiles have been caught twice leaving open a blast door that prevents terrorists from entering their underground command post!

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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Obama Loses Saudis!

"They were here just a few minutes ago", he tells press. "I blame Bush!"

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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Hooters waitress: Hair got me fired

"Hairy breasts just turn people off", says local restaurant owner.

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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Man spent $100k to look like Bieber

The only part he didn't like? "That would be the shrinkage", he tells reporters.

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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Duck Dynasty Deny Rumors

"No, they certainly didn't appear in "Deliverance" says spokesman. "They would have been kids at the time."

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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Shutdown causes IRS to delay tax filing season

Loud cheers across the country sets off New Madrid Fault, church bells ringing heard from Santa Fe, New Mexico to Boston.

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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Yankees sign still another bench warmer!

This one was pulled out from his newspapers on a bench in Washington Square. "We're cutting costs", say owners.

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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France may revise transport tax after trucker, farmer strike

But increase Pimp Tax by 100%!

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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Republicans hopeful after Obama admits problems

But, of course, none of them are his fault.

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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Mom on a mission: Debbie Wasserman Schultz says women are changing Washington

"Those big stinkers in there now sure need to be changed!"

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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NRA Launches It's First Satellite

Spokesman: We are simply checking to see how the weather is going to be at Gun Shows. We wouldn't dare place lasers on one (chuckle).

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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Column: The militarization of U.S. police forces by U.S. Army

"We need heavily to arm them because of all the NRA's Drone and Tank trade shows", says spokesman.

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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Obamacare: Truth and Myths

Judge who has read it all the way through says it's both! "That is, aside from the 50 or so pages that no one I know can understand."

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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Fran wins Great British Bake-Off

She now qualifies for next seasons Great European Bake-Off

written by radiogagger, 23 October 2013
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Arsenal 1 Borussia Dortmund 2

Germans invade London - again!

written by radiogagger, 23 October 2013
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Retired Scottish ex-football manager writes book

In between playing crown green bowling and drinking super Tennants in the park.

written by radiogagger, 23 October 2013
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Nigel Clough appointed new Sheffield United manager

First choice Brian Clough was unavailable.

written by radiogagger, 23 October 2013
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Florida Congressman Compares Tea Party to Ku Klux Klan

Tea Party compares Florida Congressman to a body part!

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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Group accuses U.S. of 'war crimes' over drone strikes.

"These old crones can go on strike any time they want", says Joe Biden. "Somebody turpentine the cat? Drones? I thought you said crones. Ask the military!"

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
Rating:

Durham Independent Public Schools make special education changes

"After 50 years, you get a little tired hearing people call you the DIPS", says Principal Gump.

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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NSA revelations give 'Monsieur Kerry' a rockier road in France

"Why do these %^$##$%$*& NSA secrets have to come out just as I enter a country?", he blasts reporters.

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
Rating:

For first time, most Americans favor legalizing marijuana: poll

"It was over 50% but much higher, no pun intended, if some would have quit giggling long enough to answer the questions", says pollster.

written by Bureau, 23 October 2013
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