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Rating:

Dalai Lama A Little Down For Him on ABC Morning Show

"We were hoping that he would bring a positive aspic to the show but then he somehow got the news that in his next humbling incarnation, it will be as a cushion in Michael Moore's car", says producer.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

Big argument at MENSA headquarters Leads to All-Out Name-Calling

"We must learn to get along", states leader. "This could lead to something serious like a Staring Contest or Getting In The Last Word."

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

Huge Collection of Pens That Obama used Seen at VP Residence!

"Hey. They were just lying around. He uses 20-30 at a signing. No, VP2 is not my name on eBay!"

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

Police officer fired after pepper spraying, shooting squirrel.

"It was self defense", say witnesses. The squirrel was shooting first. How was the policeman to know the squirrel was allergic to pepper spray. Michael Moore joined in: "We MUST quit arming squirrels!

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

American Billionaires Vie For First Trillionaire

Treasurer asks them to wait awhile. Today's billions will inflate to tomorrow's trillions soon enough on their own.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

City digs up time capsule, recovering

"What I want to know is, who put fertilizer, that other stuff in there?" stated a furious mayor. "I got a permanent Beatles outline on my fat belly! Ringo! Ringo should have been on my ass!"

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
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New Tax #2

Beginning in 2015, everyone who dies will have to pay a new "Death Tax"of $200. This idea comes from the Green Party who say that leaking coffins are ruining our drinking water.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

Next Tax: Flu Shots

Beginning in 2014, anyone over 60 taking flu shots will have to pay the government $100 for the entitlement.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

Vietnam Vets Say War Was Weird

"Everything was crazy", states anonymous vet. "There were air raids in the jungle, whole forest of orange trees and at night, someone would send out all those old Tarzan yells. Give you the willies."

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

GOP After Obama Again

"Some of the Presidents 'Brown Shirts' are kidnapping old men and women off the street and giving them flu shots before they are released", claims Rush Limbaugh.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
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Strange Crime in Russia

Apparently a man in Russia was after his wife with a chainsaw when he tripped and cut off his own head. "It never pays to lose your head during an argument", say police.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

More on "Bullying"!

One "Mr. Wilson" claims that the next door neighbor's kid "Dennis" has been bullying him for many years.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
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Republicans Announce Plan To Go After Obamacare

"We're getting up in years so we may need to join up as soonas we can", says John McCain.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

All non-essential employees have returned to DC!

That includes interns, jaintors, window washers, Joe Biden.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

Barbara Bachman On Americans Being Overweight

Michelle's program has failed. The real reason the American public is getting fatter is that 99% of the press sugar-coats everything her husband says.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

Jets fan punches female Patriots fan

Referee calls time out for a review of the punch! As of yet, no decision.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

Rubio: Postponing Obamacare mandate a "prudent approach"

"It's a total mess right now and people are confused. With a 100-pound book on Obamacare, I'm just as confused as they are. It has 3 three in there that are not even words."

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

Dalai Lama on CBS Morning Show

"The next incarnation could be female. I already know that I myself am heading for greener pastures." Then whinnies.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

REPORT: TSA searching passengers before they get to airport.

Or that's what several good-looking females are telling the airport security teams.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

Lady Gaga New Album Has Surprise

The new Lady Gaga album has a bum on the cover. This morning she told The Today Show that the pic is an old one of Elton John wearing a thong. Wonder how many people just got sick?

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

Dolly Wreck #2

Dolly Parton tired, sore and resting after traffic crash, left breast in a sling, walking sideways.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
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Obamacare moves to another site after millions give up trying

From now on the Obamacare program will be on The Disaster Site!

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

Dolly Parton tired, sore after car wreck!

"I think my boobs bursting the air bags made it a lot worse."

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

Ted Cruz blasts party bosses!

"We had party bosses in college who really knew how to par-dee!"

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

Poll: U.S. pessimistic about economy

After over 2,000 poll takers lose their jobs.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
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Unemployment falls to 7.2%

As U.S. Government hires 200,000 more workers to test strength of shovels road crew leans on.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

5 things to start your day!

1. Wake up! 2. Get out of bed! 3. Pee in toilet bowl! 4. Head for coffee! 5. Fall over cat!

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

White House Admits: 'Legitimate Questions'.

"Maybe President Obama SHOULD be impeached", admits VP Biden!

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

Mexico Upset!

Mexico calls NSA spying on former president 'unacceptable'! Mierda! (Censored!)

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

France Demands Answer to NSA Spying

No, it's not about the military but the secret recipes!

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

Air Force to Fly Congress to Florida!

Then maybe Hawaii, Monaco and on to Paris!

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
Rating:

Skeleton Was Male

Skeleton of man discovered holding telephone still trying to get through to Obamacare.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2013
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