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Rating:

More Rolling Stones Fans Have Had Enough

"It was bad enough when Keith Richards says he snorted his dad's ashes a few years ago, but this Mick Jagger playing with ashes in Etch-A-Sketch is the breaking point."

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
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Good Breeder Though

Owners of the race horse "Ass Watcher" already pulled from next Spring's Kentucky Derby.

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

Saudis Want Iran Disarmed

Saudi Prince warns of Mideast nuclear arms race if Iran not stopped. "Could get out of hand. Take out a lot of oil facilities. Bring Worldwide depression. Destroy the whole earth. Maybe even worse."

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

Japan Still Honors The Elderly

Beatlemania is alive and well! Paul McCartney mobbed by hundreds of fans as he arrives in Japan...wearing a kimono!

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #757

According to Snoops: The "Saddleback" Church in California is named after the winner of the 1929 Preakness and Kentucky Derby but lost at the Belmont Stakes.

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #1144

According to Snoops: After a ten year study, a consumer group says that the free one you get is usually worth only 75% of the one you actually buy.

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

U.S. Spying Game Getting Completely Out of Hand

Hatfields say they have been hacked by McCoys but McCoys say they found Hatfield bugs in their barn.

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

Wind Turbines Blamed in Deaths of 600,000 Bats in '12.

Wind power could give us 2% of energy, one quadrillion more crop-destroying bugs. Al Gore, Come on Down!

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

Nigerian army clashes with Boko Haram in Kano

"Sounds like these guys have changed a lot since "Whiter Shade of Pale", suggests Joe Biden.

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

Man bolts through airport checkpoint, boards empty plane

Demands that he be taken to Alpha Centauri! "I'm ready. Where no man has been! Light the rockets!"

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

S.F. programmers build alternative to HealthCare.gov

"Everybody's got a plan!", yells President who is trying hard to remain sane.

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

Youth Makes Old Trooper Sick!

Veteran's Home resident objects to youth wearing ear, nose & lip studs. "That sort of thing went out with "The Lowell Thomas Specials" 70 years ago. What next, saucers to stretch their lower lips?"

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

Dubuisson Leads by Live Turkey in the Woods in the Mix

I'm sorry. That should be 'Dubuisson Leads by Five in Turkey; Woods in the Mix'.

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

Chris Christie charging ahead in NJ and beyond

On the heavy heels of the late President William Howard Taft!

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

4 Thieves Charged With Cutting Off Marijuana Dispensary Owner's Penis.

All others close their dispensaries down. Some found in fetal position by police who promised protection.

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

US/Iran Talks Strain Mideast Alliances.

Saudi Arabia, Qatar: "And exactly when were you going to tell US, when Iranians attacked the oil rigs?"

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

French Socialist Administration Tougher on Iran than Obama Administration

In fact, the Iranians are laughing and talking about the American Foreign Legion!

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

......."I want my Mummy!"

Woman tries to sell baby in Airport toilet....or, as it is known in the trade: a bog standard deal!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 09 November 2013
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #117

According to Snoops: While as estimated 96% of all males have peed outside in the dark, only 2% have had their stream hit an electric fence!

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

.."BEHOLD THE EYES IN THE SKY!"

A one-ton research satellite will crash to Earth on Sunday night........hopefully it's satnav will locate Number 10 Downing Street OK!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 09 November 2013
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #1006

According to Snoops: The record for appearing on the cover of Newsweek magazine is 129, by President Obama. The magazine then went belly up.

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

Another teen girl arrested for cyberbullying

According to little pimply gassy wart hog like teen pansy.

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

Goodbye, good riddance trans fats

Hellllooooo natural organic Lard!!

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

CBS: 'We were wrong' on Benghazi

Also, 92% of all our other reports. That still beats NBC!

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

Obamacare rattles Democratic nerves

Also, it happens just as most of them lost their insurance for Valium, Xanax.

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

Paying Too Much for Health Care? How to Lower Your Medical Costs.

Experts now saying drop all major illness policies and get info on doctors and hospitals in India, Mexico.

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

New U.S. rules require equal insurance coverage for mental ills

Washington DC to declare mental illness for a group policy.

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #98

According to Snoops: Adolf Hitler's reported last words were "Now I vill blow out all 102 candles."

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #3336

According to Snoops: The original theme for "Rocky" was "Tiptoe Through The Tulips!"

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

Doctors Say Measles, Mumps Making Frightening Comeback.#2

Scientists say Chicken Pox may have merged with Chicken Flu, having mumps while obesity could cause human to explode.

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

Doctors Say Measles, Mumps Making Frightening Comeback.

Also, old time bellyaches causing record runs!

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

President: It's still not my fault

"Everyone in the world is hating us but it's not my fault." Eyeballs VP Joe Biden!

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

REPORT: 52 million Americans have lost or will lose health insurance.

Along with every other failure of Washington, they are expecting an average of a million man march every weekend all through next summer. Vendors delighted.

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

Whoopi Goldberg: It's Official

Whoopi Goldberg has announced that it is official. She has replaced Phyllis Diller.

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

Right Wing's Surge Rattles Europe.

Left Wing surge rattles the United States. Everyone else just rattled.

written by Bureau, 09 November 2013
Rating:

2014 GOP Candidate only wants votes...Not Money

South Carolina 2014 GOP candidate Nancy Mace is asking for constituents to vote for her and not to bother contributing to her campaign. She wants to run as a clean candidate and not a money candidate.

written by Heeke, 09 November 2013
Rating:

2014 Democratic Senator Does Not Trust Illegal Immigrants

Senater Max Baucaus (D) stated that he won't vote for amnesty for illegals because they broke the law to come here and feels that they won't abide by the laws if given amnesty.

written by Heeke, 09 November 2013
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