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Put down that doughnut: FDA takes on trans fats

Grown policemen crying all over the nation. Threaten a nationwide strike. "No doughnuts, no law enforcement!"

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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New video shows Toronto's crack mayor in drunken rage.

"Aw, I was just hamming it up for the pigs from police headquarters. Either that or I really was blotto! Don't recall."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Some Things Go Too Far

Employee at Texas prison fired after recent electric chair had a whoopee cushion placed on it.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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President Blames Daughters, Michelle

"I get up sleepy in the mornings & I thought Halloween was over until I looked in the mirror & someone had put one of those old circus-type mirrors up. I knew my hair was white but I had a Leno chin."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Report: CIA pays AT&T millions for data

So the people get screwed by both as AT&T rates and profits climb.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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'Guns & Ammo' editor apologizes for column calling for gun control

Immediately after thousands of callers dropped subscriptions. Just a coincidence, I suppose.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Obamacare: Congress demands more info and HealthCare.gov fix

"Is it too much to ask that we are given a clue as to what effect this Law has in it?", many are asking from both political parties.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #220

According to Snoops: When Jeopardy first came on TV back in the early days, Single Jeopardy's first category was ten cents and the host was Wally Cox.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #754

According to Snoops: President Taft is the only U.S. President we have had that needed two chairs to sit in before he gave a speech.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Dolly Parton Busted Again This Morning

That makes nearly 20,000 days in a row now.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Senate nears historic vote on Goy rights bill

Sorry. That should have been Gay Rights bill. The other was the one they're voting on in Israel.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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UK Intelligence Chiefs Answer All Questions Posed By The Intelligence And Security Committee

'The fact that they did so before we asked them the questions,' admitted Committee chairman, Sir Malcolm Rifkind, 'is a further matter of concern in relation to covert surveillance.'

written by Swan Morrison, 07 November 2013
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Cameron Denies Using Economic Blackmail To Influence Scottish Independence Vote

'It is just coincidence,' said David Cameron, 'that contracts for shipbuilding will not be agreed until after the vote, together with plans for new English whiskey distilleries and haggis factories.'

written by Swan Morrison, 07 November 2013
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Sochi Olympic Torch Reaches International Space Station

NASA confirms that the cosmonauts' historic space walk with the torch will take place on the side of the station away from the oxygen cylinders.

written by Swan Morrison, 07 November 2013
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How Did a 10-Foot Python End Up In Pennsylvania? #2

Claims that he just woke up and had a huge craving for Ground Hog.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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How Did a 10-Foot Python End Up In Pennsylvania?

Snake claims that he was brought there by terrorists from Central America, according to snake charmer. "Claims he's freezing his tail off."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Senate nears historic vote on gay rights bill

The Senate pushed toward a historic vote on legislation outlawing workplace discrimination against gay, bisexual, those with human/animal DNA and transgender Americans.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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GOODWILL caught selling boxes of donors personal information.

Personal info like: "He only wore these underpants twice. Wouldn't admit that she could no longer wear this dress size."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Two dead candidates win elections in Washington state.

"These chad recounts are simply getting out of hand", says overseer.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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EU cuts interest rate to record low of 0.25%.

But will always place an armed guard by your bank's mattress.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Thieves Target Homes With Doggy Doors.#2

Police now seeking advice from Long Tall Sally hoping she "won't duck back in the alley."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Thieves Target Homes With Doggy Doors.

Freaks making more money than they ever did with the circus.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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French restaurants accused of seating customers based on looks

"We do not even seat the ugly ones. I mean, how does one eat while looking at that?"

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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DYNASTY: Jimmy Carter's Grandson to Run for Governor of Georgia

Jimmy Carter: "His grandmother and me, his parents and Mr. Peanut are all so proud of him."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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250,000 Colorado Obamacare plans cancelled.

Somehow the experts are now operating at a -5,900 sign-ups. Sounds like our economy.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Chuck Schumer Calls for Tracking of Autistic Children.

Why not all children and make the job so much easier for child molesters?

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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CLAIM: Scientists now able to alter human DNA

But thus far no animal has volunteered after thousands of years of observation!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Putin to visit Pope.

Plan to go horseback riding, fishing, rafting other manly things.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Obama Names Hollywood Producer Ambassador to Hungary.#2

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi being considered as next ambassador to Italy. "I think she would be a perfect fit for some of their leaders of late."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Obama Names Hollywood Producer Ambassador to Hungary.

"By naming as many Hollywood people as Ambassadors to other countries I've assured the fact that they can at least ACT like they know what they're doing."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Scientist On Verge of Crossing Human DNA With Animal

Wives will actually be able to send their husbands to the dog house.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Dolphins players defend Incognito.

"At least we think that's Incognito. You can never tell. I'm still peeved at Vick", says one player.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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More Asteroid Strikes Likely.

I guess it's wipe-out time. We've become as big as average dinosaurs. Thanks a lot McDonald's, Hardy's, KFC!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Fireballs spotted in skies over Southern California.#2

Not to worry. Remember, this is all covered under Obamacare!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Fireballs spotted in skies over Southern California.

Most of the people there say they blame George W. Bush for this! "You don't see any over Texas do you?"

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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High school football players accused of hazing teammates.

Also college teams. All say that their opponents have called them and their mothers bad names.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Former Jails Become Luxury Hotels.

"We didn't have to make too many changes", say new owners

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Pakistan 'ready to deliver nuclear weapons to Saudi Arabia'.

Saudis to share them with Qatar who will then share them with Kuwait as all plan to share them with Israel.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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U.S. House to Vote on Healthcare

House schedules vote on 'Keep Your Stupid Farty Old Health Plan See If We Care Act'

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Brad Paisley, Carrie Underwood Roast Obamacare at CMA Awards #2

Comments come on the "Every Three Months" Country Music Awards!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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Brad Paisley, Carrie Underwood Roast Obamacare at CMA Awards.

Most criticizing the President has had on anything not on Fox News.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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STUDY: More Sleep Could Mean Slimmer Children

"Put them down for a nap during lunch, to bed during dinner, and watch the pounds melt away," states Dr. Kruell.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 07 November 2013
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Inmates: Utah Doctor Denied Killing Wife

At any rate, he denied killing one of them. There's speculation about the others.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 07 November 2013
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Song of the Year at "Country Music Awards" Tells Tragically True Story

Can you believe it, a tragic country music song?

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 07 November 2013
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Nebraska Man glad stolen motorcycle found after 46 years

"Now if they would just let me ride it through the halls of the nursing home", jokes owner.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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New tyrannosaur discovered in southern Utah

"And boy is he pissed", says Salt Lake City state trooper.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2013
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