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True Facts From Snoops #429

According to Snoops: Death Valley was named after the infamous bank robber, "The Sun Death Kid".

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #109

According to Snoops: The top three bits of conversation on elevators are "What floor?", "Going down?" and "Who died?"

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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Burgers Bring Complaints

McDonald's McDouble Bacon & Cheese Burgers accused of using cloned meat after customers kept complaining that their bellies have doubled!

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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CHEAP: Biden borrows money to pay for lunch at sub shop.

He's been pulling that 'left my wallet at home' gag for five years according to unnamed waiter.

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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China, the World's Most Populous Nation, Needs More Children

After average age hits 65! May be too late.

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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Gov't announces new motor coach, bus seat belt regulations

Doesn't include school buses. "We can always have MORE kids", says Washington.

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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13 things working moms don't like

Number One: That big fat slob lying on the couch eating junk, drinking beer and watching sports!

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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Pastor defies faith to marry son

First recorded case ever of a father marrying his own son.

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #401

According to Snoops: Both Cheech and Chong have so many chemicals inside of them that they have to wear a "Do Not Cremate" bracelets.

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #311

According to Snoops: Thomas Edison, in explaining how he made a light bulb, stated that after each failure, another bulb would appear in a balloon over his head.

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #752

According to Snoops: Most popular Amish Buggy Sticker: "Slow! Horse's Ass Ahead & Aboard!"

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Rating:

Boeing cargo jet to take off from Wichita airport's short runway

Plane landed at the wrong airport during the night. "I guess that I will have to tell my boss that I've become very near-sighted", states pilot.

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Rating:

Hydrogen cars could be headed to showroom near you

Also, new Helium Cars may run on the highway, fields and over water.

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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Iran declares 'lack of trust' at nuke talks.

"I don't blame them", says Iranian representative. "I wouldn't trust us either."

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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'Knockout' Assaults Reported in DC.

"Any time you hear that "Rocky" theme song being played, you know someone has just been beaten unconscious", says policeman.

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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Government May Require Teachers To Make Kids Eat Healthy

"They'll be like the officer of many airplanes", says Nancy Pelosi. "But without guns!"

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Rating:

Mom Fined by Daycare for Packing 'Unhealthy' Lunch.

"Sure, I'll pack her some apples and healthier food and she'll bring it right back home at the end of the day. Then I'll get fined for starving her."

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Rating:

UN climate talks fall apart as 132 countries storm out.

"It was like The Running of the Bulls" in Pamplona, Spain", says women, getting to her feet after being knocked down twice.

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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Neighbors complain Navy base playing National Anthem too loud.

So they switch to the '1812 Overture'. Complain again of cannon fire shaking the ground. "You just can't please some people", says Colonel.

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Rating:

Just 1 in 317 Dems wish Joe Biden 'Happy Birthday'.

Of course, it wasn't actually Joe's birthday. "I just had my 'Birthday Suit'on", stated Joe. "And the wife says, "Happy Birthday!"

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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Watch Out For Docs

Patients warned that secret government mike being shoved up rear end of Doctors using Obamacare. "That's how we get all the shit that's going down", explains agent.

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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America's Plan to Kill Online Privacy.

"Resistance is futile. We are American Government Snoops!"

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #145

According to Snoops: In the original Olympics, all the men were nude. That continued until one unfortunate accident a former male had on the high jump.

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #722

According to Snoops: Will Rogers said that he never met a man he didn't like. Of course, that was before Donald Trump and Bernie Madoff.

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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Shoppers ALREADY Camping Out For Black Friday Sales!

"Thanksgiving? Who cares about Thanksgiving? We can eat later at a restaurant."

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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Co-op

A Bank the Tories hate. All the other Banks are so brilliant.

written by j.w., 21 November 2013
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Harvard Study: Nuts May Reduce Risk of Death

Welcome news to porn stars.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 21 November 2013
Rating:

David Cameron Accidently Follows A High-Class Escort Agency And Other 'Inappropriate' Accounts On Twitter

'There used to be automated following of every account that followed David, however unsuitable,' said Number 10. 'The escort agency is OK, but we are urgently unfollowing dozens of Tory backbenchers.'

written by Swan Morrison, 21 November 2013
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Pope Sighted

Ex-Pope Ratzinger was spotted yesterday having a hamburger with Elvis Presley at a Memphis roadside cafe.

written by Auntie Matter, 21 November 2013
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No National Launch for McRib Amid Menu Changeup

A lot of stoners are, like, really bummed about this one dude.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 21 November 2013
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Gold Bars Worth $1 Million Found In Plane Lavatory

News that is definitely "worth a sh#t!"

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 21 November 2013
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Pilots and Controllers to be Screened by FAA for Sleep Apnea

Well, probably a good idea now that commercial flight is out of the early stages.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 21 November 2013
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Church Pastor Upset at Costco Classifying Bible as "Fiction"

The discount chain has met opponents half-way by reclassifying the book as "creative nonfiction."

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 21 November 2013
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Utah Town Forgets to Hold an Election

"Well . . . these things happen," says local guy.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 21 November 2013
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Arkansas Police Respond!

Apparently there was a massive shooting today down on the firing range. "The President will use this against us", says NRA man.

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Rating:

Indian Holy Men Release Serenity on Pakistani Militants

Pakistani Muslim Terrorists have accused India of releasing serenity on their troops. "The idiots stare at the sun until their car explodes", says al-Qaeda leader...but somehow, I don't care. Ommmmmm!

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Rating:

Crazy Hare-Lipped Eddie Has Best Car Bargains

Dere day are! Weed dot de Bardens! Dotay at Are-Lipped Eddits!! Tome tee hus!!!

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Rating:

Study: Video Games Don't Negatively Impact Kids' Behavior

Just because they try to butcher and eat their victim before the other players, doesn't mean that it's dangerous. Competing is good for kids.

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Rating:

CIA Checks Mysterious Box

CIA agents blow up mysterious big box found on the floor of the House of Representatives today. "It was full of Viagra & Caffeine", stated a CIA spokesman. "It was definitely an old stimulus package."

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Rating:

Obama says he wants to visit Hiroshima in future.

"I'll do all that bowing again and apologize but we need them to excuse our debt."

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Rating:

Terrorists Here!

EXCLUSIVE: 'Dozens' of Terrorists May Be in US as Refugees! Police questioning Tom Petty about his song lyrics.

written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
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