Order by:
Rating:

White House working with insurers to bypass Healthcare.gov.

"Must have had a brain stroke. Need to back up and get it smoothed out."

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

UPDATE: George Zimmerman arrested in Florida

Looks like it O J Simpson all over again. This guy is going to wind up in prison too.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Congress and Courts Weigh Restraints on NSA Spying.

According to a release from the NSA today, that they overheard in the Oval Office.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #112

According to Snoops: 90% of restaurants "Soup of the Day" consists of leftovers from the previous day.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Nerd Bullied in High School Loves Revenge

Rich nerd enjoys lighting up expensive cigar with a $100 bill in front of "Most Likely To Succeed" selling Time Shares on the street.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Monks Are Right?

Headmaster "I guess the Buddhists are right" as the Dalai Lama shows up for college speech as a Jackass after being ran over on the way by a bus.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Common Tater Eyeing The Ladies

Well-known Commontator being pursued by sweet potato groupies, after finishing his book, "I Think, Therefore I Yam!"

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Iran Must Be Blocked

The Netherlands called Iran's weapons program "a major block to international peace and security." Iran replied, "What does their leader, Peter Pan, know about our programs?"

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #491

According to Snoops: Little John, friend of Robin Hood, actually had a younger handicapped brother named Little Sense!

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Leonado Bites The Big One

Teenage Ninja Turtle Leonardo was killed yesterday after being ran over by a car and eaten by a hillbilly in Eastern Kentucky.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

"Moon Rock" turns out to be turtle shell

After making his amazing discovery known to Science Magazine, he finds he had been punked by co-workers!

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Really Great Make-Up Man

TV make-up artist shows public his skill by changing Senator Al Franken's face to look like a baboon. "Only took five seconds!" he brags.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Kazakhstan Bends Islamic Custom

In very cold weather, women can use ski masks instead of veils, especially when they are outside cleaning snow off our cars and sidewalks.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Husband Faking It: That's Not my Wife!

According to a Judge in San Diego, a husband there was found guilty after leaving his wife after her identity was stolen. "It was my one chance", he told the court. "I had to take it."

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Richard Simmons Overdoing It?

Attempting to keep his weight loss empire going, Richard Simmons cut off his two biggest toes yesterday, according to a medic.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #422

According to Snoops: Harry Houdini's first major escape was when he left a homely fat bride at the alter and ran off to join a circus.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Weird Facts #2

"Gorilla Gorilla Gorilla!" is actually the name of a certain gorilla family, not a new Broadway Production.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Strange But True

A mouse can fit through a hole the size of a ballpoint pen! Now that's the whole pen & not the point. Also, it is a pen, not a pencil, like those us old-timers used at school, the size of a small log.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Is the Affordable Care Act in serious jeopardy?

For the answer-in the form of a question- see Alex Trebek today on Jeopardy!!

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Workers begin removing fuel rods from Japan nuke plant #2

Thus far, the workers involved have been giving a 'glowing' report!

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Workers begin removing fuel rods from Japan nuke plant

First group paid $1,000 per hour, family given huge insurance policy.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Lost world: What happened to Mars? #2

Many think that several nations had their worst leaders ever at the very same time.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Lost world: What happened to Mars?

One clue of late: Old candy bar wrappers discovered in photo close-up!

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Jaguars' Jason Babin Comes Away with Cardinals' Andre Ellington's Hair

Third scalping in the National Football League this year! And people want the Braves and Indians to change their names??

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Photos: Matt Dillon Cuts Price of Miami Mansion by a Million

I'm sorry. that should have read "Photos: Matt Damon Cuts Price of Miami Mansion by a Million" Now where are the photos?

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Obama: We Will Fix The Healthcare Mess

"Did I say mess? I meant hiccup! Anyway, I have called both parties to examine this mess..hiccup!"

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Myths and mysteries about the Gettysburg Address #4

Although it was delivered at Gettysburg, it was not given from the shoulders of the biggest Union Soldier they could find.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Myths and mysteries about the Gettysburg Address #3

It was not written on the back of an envelope but the back of one of Mary Todd's recipes.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Myths and mysteries about the Gettysburg Address #2

Not true that President Lincoln had to make a short one because because the bullets were still flying everywhere. This somehow got mixed with Hillary's experience in Afghanistan.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Myths and mysteries about the Gettysburg Address

"Contrary to the old black & white Little Rascals film, it was not "1644 Main Street".

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

NYC Mayor-Elect Gets Advice From New Yorkers

What a novel idea! . . . An elected official taking advice and opinions from his constituency.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Batkid Takes Hearts in San Francisco

Next, he's going to try his hand at "Spades".

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Trainer to Stars Says Any Dog Can Learn New Tricks

"But getting these celebrites trained? That's a whole different dog park."

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Motion Picture Group Defends Movie Ratings System

"If people don't like how we rate movies F#*ck 'em," states Joe Crass, a spokesman for the MPAA.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 18 November 2013
Rating:

David Beckham Founding Miami Soccer Team

"I know it's a long shot," states Beckham, "but I think if we really look around the state of Florida, we might find a few people that have played the sport before."

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Prevacid: Pre-emptive Preparation for Holiday Season

"I'm getting started two weeks early," states A.G. Lutton, "I started my two week cycle of Prevacid on Thursday, the 14th. We can all learn from our pasts, and I have."

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Just a minute....

Dr Nigel A Woodward, a self-confessed piromaniac, has declared that he won't be burning any turkeys this Thanksgiving day. As nobody really knows what he's talking about then it's useless trying to.

written by whatinthe world, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Jessica Simpson Has Gotten Back Into Her Daisy Duke Short Shorts

Jessica Simpson says she has been approached about starring in a Dukes of Hazzard movie titled, The Dukes of Hazzard: Daisy Duke Gets Gang Tickled.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Cheech Marin and His First Hand Smoke

Cheech Marin recently said that if all of the marijuana cigarettes that he smoked were placed end-to-end they would reach from the moon to Willie Nelson's mouth.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Cher Says She Is Not Judgemental

Since appearing as a guest judge on Dancing With The Stars, Cher says she has been asked to be a guest judge on X-Factor, The Voice, and Judge Judy.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Chevy Chase - Persona Non Grata

Due to his extremely bad attitude Chevy Chase says that he can't even find work as Gary Busey's stand in.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Anne Heche: Taking The Lesbianite Highway Back To The World of Straightness

Anne Heche remarked that living with Ellen "The Control Freak" DeGeneres turned her back to being straight pretty damn quick.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Many doctors are still saying that marijuana has no medical benefits.

"Try some". say patients. "Even if they don't help your condition, you don't care."

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

President Obama to speak one more time to Republicans on health care plan.

"If you all quit lying, I'll quit lying. The whole country wants us ridden out of the country on a rail."

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Superbugs are defeating latest drugs

Still they're kinda cute in those little masks and capes.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Dick Cheney's Daughter Meets Joe Biden

Shoots him in the face with water pistol. Joe is not pleased. "See, you don't have a sense of humor either", she says. "You're just like dad only uglier."

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Cold Sheets Discarded

Members of the northern branch of the KKK near Canada border have switched to wearing down comforters at winter meetings.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

New Way To Kill Vampires

Three-Year-Old kid kills Vampire with laser pointer! Who would have thought?

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Finally, It Has Been Discovered

Obama daughters find Dick Cheney's "undisclosed location" by accidentally opening old coffin in White House cellar.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Sudden Winter-Type Weather Hits Canada

Mounties are out prying kid's tongue's from poles, dogs stuck to fireplugs by pee. "It sure was sudden", he tells reporters.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Latest From $tar$ Magazine

Friends say David Crosby has been going to the hospital lately, looking for another liver.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Young sneaks taken from nudist colony to hospital

"They didn't know it was senior day", laughs policeman. "Sure but you lost your lunch also", reminds partner.

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
Rating:

Marie Presley Said She Hated Cleaning up old Michael Jackson Noses

"It was like with dad. Partial peanut butter & banana sandwiches down between the couch cushions. I'm glad I didn't have to clean them up personally, but a couple of times I sat on a nose sandwich."

written by Bureau, 18 November 2013
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