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Boredom for trade

Hungarian business consultants have gathered in large numbers in Trafalgar Square to annoy and pester passersby with their silly Eastern European accents and devilish ways of communicating. Okay then?

written by whatinthe world, 15 November 2013
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Residents report sightings of "El Chupacabra"

Texas Sheriff: Call around and see if there's another kangaroo on the loose. I gotta have a talk with DNA scientists again.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Home where Oswald slept night before Kennedy assassination now museum

Home where Jack Ruby stayed the night before he shot Oswald a parking lot.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Starbucks loses 'Charbucks' appeal

"We would have lost anyway", says Starbucks rep. "The Milwaukee Bucks would have came in if we had won."

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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House passes bill to keep your insurance.

Obama vows to veto it after saying he'd changed his mind yesterday and people can keep insurance for a year.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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EPA blocks cities from installing fire hydrants.

"I'm beginning that someone has placed silly pills in the Potomac!", says Congressman.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Toronto Crack Mayor Rob Ford Suddenly Retires

Controversial Toronto crack mayor, Rob Ford, has decided to retire so he can spend more time with his cats.

written by Wire Piddle, 15 November 2013
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Ming the clam, world's oldest animal, was actually 507 years old

Claimed she was only 310 according to Lady's Clam Club.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Clinton, Kerry argue for continued Afghanistan investment

"Not after all those bullets surrounding me when we got off that plane", say former First Lady.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Who killed Kennedy? Conspiracy theories that will not die #2

Castro had a cloaking device hid in his beard. Friends helped him slip back to 'Cuber'.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Who killed Kennedy? Conspiracy theories that will not die

Latest: That was supposed to be a dummy in the car. Shooter shot the wrong one.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Obamacare official feared HealthCare.gov "crash"

"But no one says 'NO' to the President and his plans."

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Joe Biden Victim of White House Joker!

Hand dryer in bathroom reversed. Sucks the VP's hand, arm up to his shoulder.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Ky. Parents Finally Get Jrs. College Test Results

Qualifications: Some college who specialize in grave diggers, turnip farmers or see if Barnun & Baily have anyone with that many toes. Home schooled, right?

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
Rating:

Chancellor George Osborne Guarantees Redundant Miners Free Coal For A Year

The pledge was made during a visit to Thoresby colliery in Notts. 'We are delighted with this result,' said the colliery manager. 'We will now send the cage back down to bring Osborne to the surface.'

written by Swan Morrison, 15 November 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #116

According to Snoops: Early American Indians would never touch Maple syrup. They thought the tree was 'releaving' itself.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Iceberg is 2 times size of Atlantic!

Whoops! Come back! That should have read 'Iceberg is 2 times size of Atlanta'. Oh well, they were just looking for a reason to panic, I guess.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Iraq Kurd chief visits Turkey after peace process stalls #2

Jalal Talabani: You Kurds are getting whey out of line!"

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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US Military assistance in Philippines

"The world's going to miss the good old USA when she implodes", says Ron Paul.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
Rating:

Iraq Kurd chief visits Turkey after peace process stalls

"It is good to meet in the stalls bringing everything out in the open."

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
Rating:

Volcano Erupts in Indonesia

Huge storm hits the Philippines, Japan still having nuclear waste problem, Obamacare plague in America! It's a jungle out there.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Education Sec Slams Simon Cowell's View: The Secret To Success Is To Be Useless At School Then 'Get Lucky'

'This sets a very poor example,' said Michael Gove. 'Everyone knows that the secret to success in Britain today is to have wealthy parents and to go to Eton, like most of my government colleagues.'

written by Swan Morrison, 15 November 2013
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Japan criticized at climate talks after slashing CO2 target

Japanese Ambassador: Remember someone saying before, "It's the economy, stupid."

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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How Retiring Cricket Superstar Sachin Tendulkar Compares to Kobe Bryant

Oh, there's no comparison. Kobe would walk and run all over him on the court.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #249

According to Snoops: Most dwarfs cannot open a child-proof bottle of pills, even though their language should melt the bottle.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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British experts warn of rise in genital cosmetic surgery.

"Well, he's certainly shorter than I had hoped...but kinda cute."

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Aussies buck environmentalists, fight to repeal 'global warming' taxes.

Looks like that Japanese Idea of bucking the global warming thing is catching on fast.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Japan draws fire by drastically slashing commitment to greenhouse gas curbs.

"We're going back to pollution. Something's going to get us anyway. May as well make some cash."

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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16 American cities foreign governments warn their citizens about.#2

Number two: Hollywood: Lots of freaks and clowns trying to look different which is almost impossible. Still they try. If you like a circus, you still might give it a try.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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16 American cities foreign governments warn their citizens about.

Number One: Washington DC. "All crazy as a loon! Spy behind every bush, tree or corridor."

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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McDonald's Acknowledges Service Has Suffered.

"But you hire a kid and he's never done any work before and they get here late, leave early, take cell phone calls while holding up lines of customers."

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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China to Ease One-Child Policy. End labor cramps!

I'm sorry. That last part should have read "End Labor Camps!"

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Christie half-way to weight loss goal.#2

Warned by Rush Limbaugh, "You diet too much you'll wind up with half a brain tied behind your back."

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Christie half-way to weight loss goal.

Christie: "I'm thinking about dropping the "Chris" part of my name as I'll soon be half my size."

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Politically Correctness Run Amok

Muslims in the US say that it is an insult to them to see reports that Muslims are blowing up Muslims in different countries around the world.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Gays ask Al Gore to explain statement

"All I said was that the Earth is becoming queer with all the pollution and environmental problems", Al Explains. "You can't even talk anymore."

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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It Won't Age Anymore

Scientists kill world's oldest creature trying to determine its age.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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FBI: Cyber-attacks surpass terrorism as major domestic threat.

Most of them apparently from our own governments.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Bullied children turning to plastic surgery.#2

But what happens to the plastic surgery as you grow?

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
Rating:

Bullied children turning to plastic surgery.

"I'll be the best looking nerd at the High School!"

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
Rating:

C.I.A. Collecting Data on International Money Transfers, Officials Say

Spy Versus Spy! We're all living in Mad Magazine!

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
Rating:

Pope Francis Attacked in Broad Daylight.

Pope Francis was attacked yesterday during a visit to the Vatican bank. "You have made my Father's house a den of thieves!" his attacker yelled. Police are looking for a man called "Jesus".

written by Auntie Matter, 15 November 2013
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Secret Service Sex Scandal

. . . Or "business as usual" as some government officials call it.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 15 November 2013
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From 'Free Birds' to 'The Lion King,' our feathered friends have taken over Hollywood -

Can birds get into the Actors Guild? Fly away, you birdbrained scriptwriters. The birds are descending like a Hitchcockian nightmare.

written by Samuel Vargo, 15 November 2013
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Putin Receives Honarary Tae Kwon Do Black Belt

Except for special occasions, it will be hanging in his closet, next to his rainbow belt.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 15 November 2013
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Turkey Lifts Ban on Trousers for Female Members of Parliament

Parliament said, "Ok. Put your pants back on. We've seen enough."

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 15 November 2013
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Andy Kaufman's brother: "I've been misquoted"

- on the subject of Andy still being alive. Really? The brother of a man who was a mud wrestler of women and didn't say one decipherable thing on "Taxi"? Is this dysfunctional jibber-jabber, too?

written by Samuel Vargo, 15 November 2013
Rating:

Obama 2008 "Change" Campaign Platform Coming to Fruition

"When I first sought the U.S. Presidency, I promised change," Obama stated, "We are changing things minute by minute sorting this health care bill out. I followed through on my original platform."

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 15 November 2013
Rating:

Avril Lavigne doesn't remember much of her wedding

- She told Chelsea Handler on "Chelsea Lately." Handler told the audience she doesn't remember much of the last decade because of her wedding with Mr. Vodka.

written by Samuel Vargo, 15 November 2013
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NSA Director Quiet About Snowden

NSA Director Keith Alexander was asked what steps authorities are taking to stop Snowden leaking additional information to journalists.

Alexander replied, "You really think I'm gonna answer that?"

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 15 November 2013
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Eddie Cibrian says LeAnn Rimes wants to have a baby girl 'badly'

But so do 599 million other women who won't have a celebrity moment over this biological act.

written by Samuel Vargo, 15 November 2013
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Paul McCartney urges Vladamir Putin to free environmental protesters -

Russia still has to free POWs from WW-II; so Paul, don't hold your breath. We want you to sing your great songs. Don't damage your voice box.

written by Samuel Vargo, 15 November 2013
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Betty White says she plans to spend Christmas alone

- With the ghost of Christmas past, present, and future. In her younger days, she spent one holiday with Charles Dickens and says she misses those old Victorian Christmases.

written by Samuel Vargo, 15 November 2013
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Chris Brown is still in "rehab" but was spotted getting some grub

- at a restaurant/bar. He had a kind and gentle paparazzi who didn't take a photo of a row of beer bottles in front of his dinner.

written by Samuel Vargo, 15 November 2013
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Four-Years-Old Girl Demands Sex Change.

Same sex marriage partners Julian and Clarence Mesmer, have declared their four-years-old daughter Kim, "has demanded she "be made into a boy"".... And we must respect her wishes."

written by Auntie Matter, 15 November 2013
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #988

According to Snoops: Even though it was President Carter who started the Habitat For Humanity program, it is President Clinton who is best remembered for his nailing.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
Rating:

New mayor of NYC is a progressive Democrat with an African-American wife who used to be a lesbian

"I think I helped my husband because if you ad in the fact that I also used to be a man, it covered quit a percentage od New Yorkers."

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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In reversal, Obama to allow canceled health plans #2

"Mr. President, we already HAVE our canceled insurance. Can we get regular insurance?" asks someone in crowd.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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In reversal, Obama to allow canceled health plans

Biden: "Does this mean you can have your insurance without paying for it? Wow!"

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Pelosi asked if you can be grandfathered In on Health Policy

Pelosi: "Only if you have grandchildren to be covered. What? Did I say something silly?"

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Rare 'Asian unicorn' caught on camera

North Korean leader says than anyone who laughs will be shot. "It's as real as Wile E. Coyote."

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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Toronto mayor apologizes for lewd remark, gets TV show

Promises to be really strung out. May make comedy history. Farts will be beeped.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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The President's big Obamacare hole?

Here's a hint: It's not on a golf course!

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #239

According to Snoops: The number one book stolen from US libraries? "On The Commode With Charles Kuralt".

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #442

According to Snoops: The very first act of President to show who was the new boss was to pass an act that a doctor could not use the same tongue depressor twice.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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President: You can get your old insurance back

Great! Now many have to pay extra because they have developed health problem over years with old company.

written by Bureau, 15 November 2013
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