Order by:
Rating:

Time out! says The Spoof.

The Spoof has cut the time for reading its Breaking News Snippets by .5 second making it totally impossible at last for any of them to be read.

written by Auntie Matter, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Planet Earth to be Sold off.

UN in conjunction with the World Bank have voted for the privatisation of Planet Earth. Majority shares will likely fall to Rupert Murdoch or the Vatican.

written by Auntie Matter, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Childhood trauma may contribute to teen weight problems

Psychiatrists recommend not allowing kids under six to go with you to WalMart after 10PM.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

White House takes heat from Democrats to fix Obamacare

President: "I think we're in a big enough fix already."

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Russia building new long-range missile-firing drone.

U.S. building new nuclear satellite. "It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World!"

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Prince Charles to begin collecting pension.

"We can use a little extra for tips", he tells the press.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Americans struggle to replace canceled plans.

Government warns them to check out any too-good-to-be-true offers. Reports of "The Headfart" brings warning that some bogus companies use close name to real ones."

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Obamacare Flaw Allows Anyone on Earth To Fraudulently Enroll.

Over 200 widows of martyrs ready to collect in Afghanistan!

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Goodwin: Obama's Big Lie destroying his credibility.

"Well, I mean if he had any, this would have done it."

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Hollywood Doctor A Fake!

"I should have known he was a fake when he started on my face lift by getting out the velcro and duct tape", stated some freak no one could recognize.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Weatherman Sam Champion enjoys Rio honeymoon with Brazilian husband.

"Sure, he's in Rio while we're stuck in NYC", muffled man on the street tells ABC. "I hope they both burn their privates off!"

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Dozens Of Animals Mysteriously Vanish From Virginia Farm

"I still believe it's the Walker family down the road although I've never actually caught them at it", says farmer. "But they look fatter every time I see one."

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Russell Brand Talks About His Ex-Wife (Katy Perry)

Russell Brand was asked if there was anything that he missed about his ex-wife Katy Perry. He grinned like the cat that swallowed the canary and replied, "Yeah mate...her left one and her right one."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Lindsay Lohan Is Very Happy With Herself

Lindsay Lohan has said that the rumor that she is going in to have a frecklectomy is totally baseless.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 November 2013
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Rihanna's Food Analogy

Rihanna explained her addiction to Chris "The Beater" Brown as sort of like Kirstie Alley's addiction to food.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Kate "The Great Mama" Gosselin Makes A Surprise Statement

Kate Gosselin who has 8 children recently commented that she would like to have 4 more to make it an even dozen.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Lady Gaga and Perez Hilton: Two Angry People

The Lady Gaga - Perez Hilton feud has escalated. After all of the tirades, invectives, and insults directed at each other, Lady Gaga has now challenged Perez to a no holds barred wrestling match.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Cardinal Dolan: "The Pope Francis effect" is everywhere

"I saw a priest in a mosh pit at rock concert", says Dolan.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

New Police Kettling Technique

After developing kettling to control unruly crowds, police have now found a way to stop them boiling over into violence: Somebody watches.

written by IainB, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Kristen "Still The Smirk" Stewart

Kristen Stewart has said that she does not want anyone to call her "Smirk" Stewart anymore. K-Stew remarked that she has lowered her daily smirks number down from 43 to 31.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 November 2013
Rating:

NASCAR's Danica Patrick Is Very Upset

After losing a race to her boyfriend, Ricky Stenhouse, Jr., NASCAR cutey Danica Patrick says she is considering retiring from the oval track.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Gary Busey Knows His Solar System

Gary Busey says that the first time he met Joan Rivers he swears he thought she was a friggin space alien.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Taylor Swift And That One Little Grudge

Taylor Swift has a fantastic memory and she knows the lyrics to the songs of every artist except for one. She says that Kanye West is still a low life snake-in-the-grass.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 November 2013
Rating:

From The Mouths of Babes (Honey Boo Boo)

Honey Boo Boo was recently asked which individual she least admires. She grinned and said that it's a tie between Ann "Trigger Face" Coulter and Sarah "Reindeer Ovaries" Palin.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 November 2013
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #966

According to Snoops: Orson Welles ashes were transported to Mars by ship several years ago. Thus the old joke, "Welles is lying about Mars again."

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Child's Painting Brings $1 Million at Auction

Auction Director: We were just trying to prove a point. Kind of like when Two-Buck-Chuck won first place with blindfolded wine tasters. I'll give back the money.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Clinton Turns His Back to Obama?

"It's really tough when the only other black president turns his back on you", says VP Joe Biden.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Dems losing patience with Obamacare

Doctors and surgeons: So are we. People are dropping regular insurance and attempting flights to India if serious.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Neo-Nazi learns he's part African

"So what, we all came from Africa or the Middle East", he tells reporter.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #44

According to Snoops: In Cherokee, North Carolina, it is illegal for any two people to drive a car at the same time. It's being called "The Mother-In-Law Law"!

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Francis Bacon work sets new $142.4 mln art record

Bacon Purchaser unknown but it's already been determined that he/she isn't Jewish or Muslim.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

It's official: Congress hits all-time low in Gallup poll

"And my approval is still up there in the teens", brags President!

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Tyson claims he was high on drugs during fights.

So, now he's officially 0 and 27! Never really won a fight.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

'Oldest signs of life on Earth found'.

"Do Not Pee In Cave's Spring Water!", "Do Not Fart Near Campfire!" several others.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Plans for 600-Foot-Tall City On Wheels Unveiled.

City will break up into sections and go get workers at home.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

NOT BIGGEST: Chicago Mayor complains about tower losing out to new World Trade Center.

Plans to make huge statue of himself and place on top of Chicago Building!

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Alleged stalker accuses Alec Baldwin of lying in court.

Judge asks Baldwin to sit up and stay awake during the trial.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

14-Year-Old Holds Up Taxi Driver At Gunpoint.

Taxi Driver told him, "Son, don't pull that trigger because you've got it pointed right between your eyes. Turn it around."

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Tina Turner formally 'relinquishes' U.S. citizenship.

Nation turning on U.S. citizens worse than Ike ever turned on me.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

CO sees sharp rise in marijuana-related incidents in middle schools.

But nothing close to that of grade school and kindergarten!

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Man calls 911 because sex partner 'snoring like train' in bed.

Partner in bed tells police that she had to snore to drown out are the farting! "Nose plugs caused snoring."

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

UPDATE: Police arrest father and son in 'exorcism kidnapping'.

At least we have their heads to stop spinning. Gotta get all this pea soup outa the squad cars.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

One Helthecare navigator fired, three suspended, most of rest quit

Too hard to get Obamacare off the ground, complains one navigator. Might should bury it while it's here.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Drone the new way to fly

US President, Barack Obama, has been mysteriousy tied to the body of an American drone and flown into Afghanistan to avoid attention. Obama swears its the best way to fly outside of hang gliding.

written by whatinthe world, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Another city mulls bankruptcy due to soaring wages and pensions.

Will Washington DC follow on the heels of Detroit?

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Former Secret Service agent blasts 'toxic' administration.

Five years ago we were respected around the world. Now we're Rodney Dangerfield.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

LARRY SUMMERS: Better than expected Obamacare Results.

Of course, none of us were expecting much. 3% of Americans is much larger than a dozens sign-ups.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

GOODWIN: Obama's Big Lie destroying his credibility.

Advised to stick with the little lies all politicians use.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Vegas Casino Producing Adult Themed Show Based on "Twilight" Series

It's called TWILIGHT: FULL MOON. They're leaving the werewolves out of this one, though.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Lady Gaga to Sing In Outerspace 2015

I've heard of taking a career to new heights, but really? How high are you?

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 13 November 2013
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Bernard Madoff Seeking Name Change

The former NASDAQ chair is seeking to change his name to "Dick Inasling"

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 13 November 2013
Rating:

POLL: Congressional Approval Rating All Time Low

How curious? Nobody expected such an outcome.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 13 November 2013
Rating:

STUDY: Speaking 2 Languages May Slow Dementia

Once dementia hits,the victim makes delusional statements in English and French such as, "Mes orteils ne le supporterai pas/My toes won't stand for it." French?Dementia is difficult to explain.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Sarah Palin: Pope Francis' Comments 'Sound Kind of Liberal'

Palin commented on the pope saying such things as "Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free" and "Judge not that you be not judged" strike her as some kind of new liberal agenda.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Justin Bieber Quits Mid-Show After Food Poisoning

Buenos Aires, Argentina -

It sounds like it was a shitty situation.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Justin Bieber Career Has Gone South

South America, that is, but it's going to be heading back North real soon. After all of his recent antics, they are pretty much over him.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Armstrong Says Will Testify With 100 Percent Honesty

Now, that takes at least one ball.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Russian Artist Nails Genitals to Red Square

Now, that takes some balls!

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 13 November 2013
Rating:

The secrets of the woolly mammoth brain to be revealed after 39,000 years

"We just had to be really, really, really, really sure", jokes researcher!

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Mr.Obama The Grinch?

The shocking damage 'green' ethanol leaves behind as Obama's push for renewable energy eats up millions of acres of land set aside for conservation.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
Rating:

Xbox Kinect sensor goes X-rated: Device is revealed to detect every part of the anatomy

Better get ready for a lot of laughter there, Shorty.

written by Bureau, 13 November 2013
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