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5 Reasons Health-Care Costs May Never Go Down

1. Greed 2. They always hand you the line that they need it for testing new drugs. 3. Greed 4. Took a long time to come up with a new name for the same 30-year-drug. 5. Greed.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Iran Improves Offer On Restriction Of Its Nuclear Programme

'We only want a small atom bomb,' said Iran's chief negotiator, Mohmamad Javad Zarif, to the P5 + 1 in Geneva. 'If any problems later emerge, we will agree to send the device directly to Tel Aviv.'

written by Swan Morrison, 10 November 2013
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Northern Line Commuters Urged To Walk By Transport For London (TfL) To Avoid Overcrowding

'Other transport operators may copy us if this is a success,' said a TfL spokesman, 'P&O may suggest swimming, and Ryanair might ask customers to jump from high buildings while flapping their arms.'

written by Swan Morrison, 10 November 2013
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MILLER: No worries! Obama golfs 150th round as superstorm devastates Philippines, Iran deal enrages

"I said I was sorry about those losing healthcare insurance. Now leave me alone till I make this birdie. You're bringing me down, man."

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #779

According to Snoops: The very first Men's Strip Tease Group were 'Ben Franklin & His All Man Act'! May have been a different Ben Franklin, but you get a clue from the bills wealthy ladies use to tip.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Where's the Berlin Wall now? 10 surprising locations

However, when you add all the pieces together that are claimed to be a part of this wall, it would be closer to the Great Wall of China!

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Inside a 'sophisticated' drug tunnel

"As you can see, these guys were so out of it that they tunneled three times in a circle", says reporter.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Where on Earth will satellite crash?

"Maybe a meteor will hit it first, so let's not worry", says Biden.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Kerry: I'm not blind to Rouhani's past!

"I know he's never been one to keep his promises. That he'll promise anything. But we still need to make a deal and he has promised me that Iran will not build a nuclear bomb."

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Oklahoma police arrest prison escapee after 33 years on the run

"This is what I get for allowing myself to get out of shape."

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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NOAA Quietest two-year period for tornadoes since '80s

Not many hurricanes action either. It's building up! By next year, they may blow us all away. "Happy Turkey Lurky Day to all!"

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Midwife Crisis

New Mums 'left clueless amid Midwife Crisis.....from observation in any McDonalds most new 'Mums' are bloody clueless anyway....BABIES do not want chicken nuggets for breakfast!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 10 November 2013
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Man swims the entire length of the Amazon

Although gator finally catches him just at the finish line!

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Lazy road painters draw white street line over pile of Leaves

"Last year they put a yellow line over a dead deer", says local. "Hope none of our heavy drinkers ever pass out while walking home."

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Bear somehow ignores traps baited with doughnuts and beer

"I'd never get to hibernating with that lot on my stomach!"

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Palin: Federal debt will enslave next generation to 'foreign master'

Well, Good Luck with collecting from that spoiled lot!

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Polar Bear Club at Arctic Circle

"Getting harder and harder to find any cold water", says old timer.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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London firefighters urge 'common sense' after penis freed from toaster

"It won't grow any. Probably flatten out!"

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Woman wears cheeseburger as sandal after drunken sex in Waffle House parking lot

Apparently a big Jimmy Buffet fan (Cheeseburger In Paradise).

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Actor known for playing 'Star Trek' Klingon elected to local office

An actor best-known for playing a Klingon counselor, Martok, in "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine," has a new role as a local elected official in New York state. Martok: "It is a good day to diet!"

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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President Obama visits the Port of New Orleans

Guarantees that no Cyclone will come anywhere near New Orleans on his watch. (10:12 AM yells Joe Biden!).

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Wal-Mart website glitch gave shoppers super bargains, temporarily

"I cleaned out the liquor store for $100!", yells man while friends go rent a U-Haul.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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What Will Santa Bring This Holiday Season?

Al Gore is predicting bikinis, sand pails & shovels, surf boards and sun tan lotion.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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European Jews Say Anti-Semitism On The Rise

Since 2000 BC, although it did level off for a few months in 1967.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Rappers Heading To North Korea To Become Famous

Dressed as Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner to perform before Kim for next 40 years.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Look Out Below!

A defunct satellite from the European Space Agency the size of a large car is set to plunge to Earth tonight according to EU spokesman, Chuck N. Little.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #4640

According to Snoops: The fastest animal on the highway is a rabbit in front of a car. Some witnesses claim they can sometimes run three ways at once.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Venezuelan Crowned Miss Universe 2013

"It's good to have it back home again" says MC, as Martian hands over trophy.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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What Happened When One Man Didn't Clean His Clarinet For More Than 30 Years

He develops "Clarinet Lung". Meanwhile Scots all over the world hurry bowlegged to see Doc about old bagpipes.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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In Mexico, Locals Take Fight Directly To Drug Cartel..And Win

Plus pick up a few truckloads of U.S. $100.00 bills as a bonus.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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New Round Of Talks Needed For Iran Nuclear Deal

"It's Another Stall, Ya'll", says Atlanta Journal.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Vikes' Simpson arrested on DWI suspicion

"He was wearing shoulder pads and socks", say police who made the arrest.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Twitter account associated with Iran's leader criticizes France

"No special reason. They just seem to back away from any committments, unless it comes to food, of course."

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Sarah Palin tells Iowa conservatives it's time 'to stiffen our racks'

I'm sorry. That should have been 'Sarah Palin tells Iowa conservatives it's time 'to stiffen our backs'

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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U.S. bishops to select leaders as Pope urges new focus

"A small Ford Focus could get me around a lot faster than the popemobile...at least between cities", says Pope.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #6643

According to Snoops: Scientists who have been studying martyred chickens say they have been passing around new flu recipes.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #54

According to Snoops: The creation of the buffet meals was laid out originally from a drawing from Leonardo Da Vinci.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Will Warsaw climate talks point way to new deal?

Will it work as well as the one introduced by Franklin D. Roosevelt?

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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TV Show About Hindenburg Inspires Man To Blow Up House: Cops

"The Hu.." (If you say humanity, George, I'll shoot you right where you stand!) "The Hindenburg of it all!"

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
Rating:

Biggest Beauty Queen Scandal Ever

She was six-foot seven in her stocking feet, six-foot eight barefooted and weighed almost 210 pounds but ah, she were lovely.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Ten Years After His Sudden Disappearance!

"We should have checked closer", states Fire Marshall. "But the real Smokey the Bear didn't look like those posters. He had these great big feet...."

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Firefighters Charge Family Nearly $20,000 After Home Burns Down

"They needed something to take their minds off the tragedy", says Firefighter Chief.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Secret Ingredient For Bigger, Tastier Turkeys?

Lots and lots of good old-fashioned Monosodium Glutamate!

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Christian Group Air-Drops Bibles Over North Korea

But forget that all these were translated into South Korean.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Everything You Know About Your Personal Hygiene Is Wrong

Could be the reason that you've not had a date since 2000, once everyone knew the computer crash was a hoax.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Thieves Steal 160 Sheep From Town Called 'Wool'

"They're on the lamb right now but they won't be pulling any wool over our eyes", says law officer...a bit sheepishly.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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Tis The Season To Be Blotto

Washington leaders, in order to get back on good footing with voters, promises everyone will have a Christmas tree next month. "I just hope the Jews & Muslims don't screw this up", says Biden.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2013
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