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True Facts From Snoops #1114

According to Snoops: Actor Walter Pidgeon's actual name was Waltheim Birdshit.

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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Japan, Russia agree on next step toward peace treaty

After first step takes 70 years.

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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U.S. health secretary on the hot-seat over healthcare website

"And the President better speak up before they throw the switch", she tells reporters.

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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Beatles Ringo Starr Still Alive

Most people haven't heard anything for 20 years and those under 25-30 wouldn't know who we were talking about", says fired writer of Ringo's Biography. "One 18 year old asked if I meant the Hobbit."

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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Best Friends Not Speaking

Bill Newby of Knoxville doesn't show up at best friends "Come As You Are" Party. Now they're not speaking. "We would have went but all I had on me when they called was the wife, Emma Lou."

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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Nudist refuses to go to Florida Beach Party

"I just had nothing to wear."

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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Ky man says he was "crazy drunk on moonshine" when he killed whole neighborhood

"I won't do it again."

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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A Little More Patience Please

W.H. spokesman asks people to give Obamacare a little more time to straighten things out. "Shouldn't be anywhere close to amount of time we were in Nam." However, 2 more Tea Party tunnels discovered.

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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New York woman celebrates 101th birthday at work.

"I love it here at the sleep lab", she tells reporters. "But it's dangerous at my age. They've almost buried me twice. Thank goodness for coroners."

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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Just Have To Look For Them.

Through perseverance, old-fashioned hard work and a little bit of luck, Arkansas man learns to brush all three of his teeth.

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #900

According to Snoops: The Swiss Navy Knife actually has five more functions than the Swiss Army Knife, including a barnacle scrapper.

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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Toronto mayor's allies call for video's release

"It wasn't a crack pipe but a peace pipe he was smoking with some Native Americans", says spokesman. "It made him a little woozie."

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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Drone strike kills Pakistani Taliban chief

Was supposed to strike al-Qaeda #3. "Hey, we'll take credit for it anyway", says Colonel.

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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NOTW High Court Case Sex Revelations

Journalist's techniques questioned as Coulson found to have hacked Brooks' vagina

written by Talking Tic-Tacs, 01 November 2013
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N.D. woman hands out "fat letters" to obese kids during Halloween

Until she was body-slammed by fat woman who not only had kids criticized but told her own costume was making it OK for people to be obese. Woman wasn't wearing any costume, just escorting kids.

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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Daley: No "serious discussion" on replacing Biden in 2012

Former Chief of Staff: "It was more of a daily joke than serious discussion."

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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Despite Obamacare problems, "death spiral" unlikely

"We think a 75% survival won't be too bad, especially with the overpopulation of old people", says rep.

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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Beached whale euthanized

Kirsty Alley tells friends to never allow her to go to beach, even if she's drunk.

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #619

According to Snoops: There has never been recorded a spotting of rabbits doing the Bunny Hop with more than three in the line.

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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What's in spices? Bug parts, rat hair

These are usually listed under "Fiber" and "Flavorings"

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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Pumpkins found filled with cocaine

Police around the nation arrested over 500 "Pumpkin Heads" yesterday and last night.

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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The Spying Game

India has accused Pakistan of spying on it while Pakistan in turn has accused Indonesia of spying while Indonesia has blamed Australia for spying while Australia has blamed Germany who has blamed USA.

written by whatinthe world, 01 November 2013
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Daylight Saving Time This Weekend

Be sure to save up that extra hour of sunshine because you might need it if a vampire suddenly appears during the night.

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #211

According to Snoops: Coin error that show Abraham seated and wearing a mullet now estimated to be worth $3 million!

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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New Tunnel connecting Tijuana and San Diego

Discovered when spelunkers made a wrote turn under Albuquerque!

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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Al-Shabaab training camp bombed

El-Toro: "That's just a lot of bull!"

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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Many more whistleblowers come forward.

Many of them referees and officials from major sports. "I think about 10% of attendance are spies", stated one anonymous referee who asked not to be water boarded. "But we need the seats to be full."

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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Medicare paid millions to dead patients, illegal aliens.

Obamacare Spokesman: See, they're is more screwed up than we are."

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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Top Hospitals Opt Out of Obamacare.

But lowest hospitals say, "Send them all over here. We can put ten in a room."

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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NSA Spying on Obama?

"Why not? He's got the IRS spying on our people and Hillary Clinton."

written by Bureau, 01 November 2013
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