Spoof news snippets from November 2013
There were 1,366 spoof news snippets published in November 2013. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Gary Busey Knows His Solar System
Gary Busey says that the first time he met Joan Rivers he swears he thought she was a friggin space alien.
Lindsay Lohan Is Very Happy With Herself
Lindsay Lohan has said that the rumor that she is going in to have a frecklectomy is totally baseless.
Jessica Simpson Has Gotten Back Into Her Daisy Duke Short Shorts
Jessica Simpson says she has been approached about starring in a Dukes of Hazzard movie titled, The Dukes of Hazzard: Daisy Duke Gets Gang Tickled.
Rush Limbaugh Loves The Amish People
Rush Limbaugh has just said that he loves the CD, A Collection of Amish Dance Tunes so much that he will be giving a copy to everyone on his Christmas list.
From The Mouths of Babes (Honey Boo Boo)
Honey Boo Boo was recently asked which individual she least admires. She grinned and said that it's a tie between Ann "Trigger Face" Coulter and Sarah "Reindeer Ovaries" Palin.
Ozzy Osbourne Knows His Music
Ozzy Osbourne told Yippie-Ki-Yay Magazine that his all-time favorite album is Journey Plays The Hits of Foreigner, Foreigner Plays The Hits of Survivor, and Survivor Plays The Hits of Journey.
The Principal Said The Purse Was Kinda Cute
A 13-year-old boy in Kansas was suspended for taking a Vera Bradley Purse to school. The principal said he was not sent home because of the purse but because of his Kim Kardashian Open-Toed Pumps.
Senator John McCain - The Olé Senator
Arizona Senator John McCain says he is sick and tired of all of the ongoing immigration rhetoric. He suggests to just make Mexico the 51st state and be done with the whole darn problem.
The Mayor of Toronto is Cracking Up
Canadian citizens Celine Dion and Shania Twain both suggest that Toronto's crack-smoking mayor Rob Ford be deported to Detroit.
The Hulk - Cancelled
NBS has disappointed fans by announcing that the new series of the Hulk has been cancelled, after David Banner received Anger Management Therapy.
Justin Bieber's Career Is Heading South
Justin Bieber is concerned that his career could be going downhill as he learns that sales of his latest album Justin Bieber Sings The Songs of Liberace has only managed to sell 37 copies nationwide.
The Rolling Stones Are In Talks With Kanye West
The Rolling Stones want to buy the rights to the album Kanye West's Tribute To The Dust Bowl Days because they plan to produce a film on that sad period in American history.
Taylor Swift And That One Little Grudge
Taylor Swift has a fantastic memory and she knows the lyrics to the songs of every artist except for one. She says that Kanye West is still a low life snake-in-the-grass.
Lady Gaga and Perez Hilton: Two Angry People
The Lady Gaga - Perez Hilton feud has escalated. After all of the tirades, invectives, and insults directed at each other, Lady Gaga has now challenged Perez to a no holds barred wrestling match.
Kate "The Great Mama" Gosselin Makes A Surprise Statement
Kate Gosselin who has 8 children recently commented that she would like to have 4 more to make it an even dozen.
The Government Is Going On A Trans Kick
The U.S. government has announced that it will be focusing on the matter of trans fats. It hints that next on the agenda will be the issue of transgenderism.
Ke$ha Is Thrilled At The Sales of Her Latest Album
Ke$ha's newest album titled Ke$ha Performs The Most Popular Love Songs of World War I has just been named the #1 album in Poland, New Guinea, and Lower Zamgola.
Bandini Borrapelli Is Looking Around For A Civil War Story To Film
Movie director Bandini Borrapelli has stated that when he makes a Civil War motion picture he is going to secure the rights to the fantastic album Accordion Songs From The Civil War.
Ma and Pa Kettle Are Coming Back
The Lions Face Motion Picture Company will be filming a remake of one of the hilarious Ma and Pa Kettle films. They plan to use the music from the album Celine Dion's Favorite Hillbilly Classics.
Hot Diggity Dog
One of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie's favorite foods is Chocolate Covered Hot Dogs.
Paula "Giddy Up" Deen
Most people are not aware of the fact that Paula Deen has a Shetland pony that she named Buttah.
Kristen "Still The Smirk" Stewart
Kristen Stewart has said that she does not want anyone to call her "Smirk" Stewart anymore. K-Stew remarked that she has lowered her daily smirks number down from 43 to 31.
NASCAR's Danica Patrick Is Very Upset
After losing a race to her boyfriend, Ricky Stenhouse, Jr., NASCAR cutey Danica Patrick says she is considering retiring from the oval track.
Cher Says She Is Not Judgemental
Since appearing as a guest judge on Dancing With The Stars, Cher says she has been asked to be a guest judge on X-Factor, The Voice, and Judge Judy.
Cheech Marin and His First Hand Smoke
Cheech Marin recently said that if all of the marijuana cigarettes that he smoked were placed end-to-end they would reach from the moon to Willie Nelson's mouth.
Iran - Metaphorically Speaking
Iran is insisting that Israel surrender or else she will be swallowed up like Kirstie Alley devouring a Hostess Twinkie.
Department store merger
After the success of the merger of HMV and H&M to make H&MV, two major department stores are to merge and will henceforth be known as Primarks and Spencer.
The Meanest Comedian In The History of American Television
Don Rickles, known as The Angry Comedian, celebrated his 103rd birthday by spitting on his birthday cake, his nose, his shoes, and his crotch region.
Tommy Lee Jones Should Best Be Ignored
Tommy Lee Jones has been named The Grouchiest Actor of The Decade. Jones has been known to actually bite fans who requested his autograph.
The Ever Mumbling Sylvester Stallone
Sylvester Stallone has admitted that he was cured of his mumbling years ago, but his agent told him to continue the mumbling act because that was his trademark.
The New Antonio Banderas
Antonio Banderas, who is 53, has said that he is changing his name to the anglicized version; Tony Flags.
Gary Busey Mentions His Two Favorite Albums
Gary Busey said George Strait's album George Strait Performs The Songs of Beyonce is his second all-time favorite album. He said his favorite is Four Way Street by Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young.
New Police Kettling Technique
After developing kettling to control unruly crowds, police have now found a way to stop them boiling over into violence: Somebody watches.
Russell Brand Talks About His Ex-Wife (Katy Perry)
Russell Brand was asked if there was anything that he missed about his ex-wife Katy Perry. He grinned like the cat that swallowed the canary and replied, "Yeah mate...her left one and her right one."
Chevy Chase - Persona Non Grata
Due to his extremely bad attitude Chevy Chase says that he can't even find work as Gary Busey's stand in.
Gary Busey Will Need A Special License
Gary Busey has expressed a desire to travel to Mars and drive around the planet in the land rover Curiosity.
Sarah Palin Needs To Stay In Alaska And Cook and Eat Everything She Shoots
Sarah "The Loose Moose" Palin has been asked by President Obama and Vice-President Biden to stay out of the Lower 48 as much as possible because she has become the nation's #1 disruptive element.
Adam Lambert - The Undisputed King of Glitter
Adam Lambert has said that he plans to change his middle name to Glitter.
Wolf Blitzer Gets A Call From PETA
Wolf Blitzer has stated that PETA has asked him to change his first name from Wolf to Wally or Willie, or Woody.
Iran declares 'lack of trust' at nuke talks.
"I don't blame them", says Iranian representative. "I wouldn't trust us either."
Hydrogen cars could be headed to showroom near you
Also, new Helium Cars may run on the highway, fields and over water.
Pastor defies faith to marry son
First recorded case ever of a father marrying his own son.
Gov't announces new motor coach, bus seat belt regulations
Doesn't include school buses. "We can always have MORE kids", says Washington.
EasyJet, Airbus team create world's first man-made ash cloud
Others expected to follow. Greenpeace biting it's toenails.
'People In Glass Houses Shouldn't Throw Stones,' Says Sri Lankan President After Call For Abuses Inquiry
'This is wise advice for all glass house owners,' said a spokesman for the UK glass house builders association, 'even if it does come from someone who should be investigated for human rights abuses.'
J.Lo Rules (That's For Sure)
Jennifer Lopez has stated that since she is 18 years older than her boy toy Casper Smart, she is the one who gets to wear the pants and have all of the say.
Woody "All In The Family" Allen
Woody Allen has revealed in an interview with Barbara Walters that before he married his step-daughter he had planned to marry his grandmother but didn't because she was not that good a cook.
UK Intelligence Chiefs Answer All Questions Posed By The Intelligence And Security Committee
'The fact that they did so before we asked them the questions,' admitted Committee chairman, Sir Malcolm Rifkind, 'is a further matter of concern in relation to covert surveillance.'
Gordon Ramsay Reveals His Favorite Movie For 2013
Chef Gordon Ramsay of the TV show Hell's Kitchen stated that his favorite movie of 2013 was The Saga of The Sadistic Vampire Chef.
Rihanna's Food Analogy
Rihanna explained her addiction to Chris "The Beater" Brown as sort of like Kirstie Alley's addiction to food.
Anne Heche: Taking The Lesbianite Highway Back To The World of Straightness
Anne Heche remarked that living with Ellen "The Control Freak" DeGeneres turned her back to being straight pretty damn quick.
Childhood trauma may contribute to teen weight problems
Psychiatrists recommend not allowing kids under six to go with you to WalMart after 10PM.
Rosie Perez - The Original Voice
Actress Rosie Perez who has one of the highest shrilled voices in the entertainment business says she's working on lowering her voice. She said she's been taking male hormones and spitting a lot.
The New and Improved Penn & Teller
After Penn & Teller's Raymond Teller threatens to break up the team, Penn Jillette agrees to change the name to Teller & Penn.
Anderson Cooper Has Alec Baldwin All Figured Out
Anderson Cooper told Jay Leno that he thinks that the reason why Alec Baldwin is always angry is because deep down inside he is a fairy and he wants to dance with Dancing With The Stars' Derek Hough
EXCLUSIVE: 'Dozens' of Terrorists May Be in US as Refugees! Police questioning Tom Petty about his song lyrics.
Can food affect your mood?
Sure. Most are in a foul mood when they have to run to the bathroom every ten minutes!
Indian Holy Men Release Serenity on Pakistani Militants
Pakistani Muslim Terrorists have accused India of releasing serenity on their troops. "The idiots stare at the sun until their car explodes", says al-Qaeda leader...but somehow, I don't care. Ommmmmm!
Tennessee Man Ordered to Remove Skylight From Ceiling
"That's all those people upstairs do is complain", he tells court.
Boeing cargo jet to take off from Wichita airport's short runway
Plane landed at the wrong airport during the night. "I guess that I will have to tell my boss that I've become very near-sighted", states pilot.
True Facts From Snoops #752
According to Snoops: Most popular Amish Buggy Sticker: "Slow! Horse's Ass Ahead & Aboard!"
True Facts From Snoops #311
According to Snoops: Thomas Edison, in explaining how he made a light bulb, stated that after each failure, another bulb would appear in a balloon over his head.
True Facts From Snoops #401
According to Snoops: Both Cheech and Chong have so many chemicals inside of them that they have to wear a "Do Not Cremate" bracelets.
13 things working moms don't like
Number One: That big fat slob lying on the couch eating junk, drinking beer and watching sports!
China, the World's Most Populous Nation, Needs More Children
After average age hits 65! May be too late.
Atheist gets her day at Supreme Court
"First of all, I don't believe in a "Supreme" Court and I'm not talking to something that doesn't exist!"
Picasso among art stolen by Nazis
It had been painted over by Hitler's "Duck and Horsey".
True Facts From Snoops #1441
According to Snoops: Milli Vanilli, after the discovery that they only lip sync songs, changed their names to Elaborate Ruse and won still another Grammy.
REPORT: 49.7 Million Americans Living in Poverty.
Or as they say in Haiti, "Lower Upper Class"!
NYC: De Blasio to begin new era of liberalism 2
Over 1,000 new park benches brought into city parks for poor and bottom lower class winos.
Fla. teacher suspended for forcing 4th-grader to participate in Pledge of Allegiance
"I told the kid that he could just pretend that it was the Allegiant AirAirlines>"
Chris Christie Wins Re-Election in New Jersey
"As they say in the south, "This makes me feel hog wild and pig crazy!"
Wal-Mart website glitch gives shoppers super bargains #2
"The Pharmacy has Viagra at 100 pills for a dollar! This is big, really big! If I explode, I'll explode happily."
Mayor Admits to Crack Smoking but Won't Quit
Toronto--Rob Ford, the embattled mayor of Toronto, has admitted to smoking crack cocaine. When asked about the tenability of his job and his crack smoking he said, "I love it, so I'm not quitting."
Nebraska Man glad stolen motorcycle found after 46 years
"Now if they would just let me ride it through the halls of the nursing home", jokes owner.
Is another Republican wave building?
Their fans are beginning to start "The Wave" at most sporting events...even on the House floor!
China's move to establish air defense zone over East China Sea backfires
Al Gore: Over a billion backfires could cause further melting of icebergs!
CNN and MSNBC Lose Almost Half Their Viewers in One Year...
"I get bored watching President being the answer to everything and producing nothing", says one who cancelled channels.
"I have told her and told her not to do that?" He was referring to Nancy Pelosi rubbing his head for good luck.
Small-business health exchange delayed online
Looks like still another site is about to go down in flames!
Senate nears historic vote on gay rights bill
The Senate pushed toward a historic vote on legislation outlawing workplace discrimination against gay, bisexual, those with human/animal DNA and transgender Americans.
Alleged stalker accuses Alec Baldwin of lying in court.
Judge asks Baldwin to sit up and stay awake during the trial.
Sochi Olympic Torch Reaches International Space Station
NASA confirms that the cosmonauts' historic space walk with the torch will take place on the side of the station away from the oxygen cylinders.
'Oldest signs of life on Earth found'.
"Do Not Pee In Cave's Spring Water!", "Do Not Fart Near Campfire!" several others.
Cameron Denies Using Economic Blackmail To Influence Scottish Independence Vote
'It is just coincidence,' said David Cameron, 'that contracts for shipbuilding will not be agreed until after the vote, together with plans for new English whiskey distilleries and haggis factories.'
Michelle Obama and Scarlett Johansson Are On The Same Channel
Both Michelle Obama and Scarlett Johansson have said that the album A Collection of Oprah Winfrey's Best Loved Glockenspiel Tunes is one of the finest they've ever heard.
It's official: Congress hits all-time low in Gallup poll
"And my approval is still up there in the teens", brags President!
Ted Nugent - The Hunting Musician
Ted Nugent has announced that he will be going into the recording studio to record the album Sarah Palin's All-Time Favorite Hunting Songs.
Lindsay Lohan's Favorite Boozery
Lindsay Lohan recently told Barbara Walters on The View that her favorite bar is The Drunk Duck Lounge located in Marina Del Rey.
Paris Hilton - The Blonde
Paris Hilton confessed that she invested $200,000 in Frozen Jello Taquitos and she lost it all. She said she now has about 20,000 Frozen Jello Taquitos in an industrial deep freeze she had to rent.
Peeping Tom Arrested
A peeping tom was arrested in Nebraska after being caught in the act. When asked why he was peeping into 80-year-olds window, he told police he had eaten too much & was trying to make himself sick.
Hollywood Doctor A Fake!
"I should have known he was a fake when he started on my face lift by getting out the velcro and duct tape", stated some freak no one could recognize.
White House takes heat from Democrats to fix Obamacare
President: "I think we're in a big enough fix already."
ore Surveillance cameras installed nantionwide
Many show people on other side of street putting up more Surveillance equipment.
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Knocks Over Female Councillor in Screaming Match.
I wish this guy would quit outdoing our snippets. We couldn't even hear if the tornadoes were getting closer yesterday over all the screaming.
Can Obamacare site handle the traffic?
Kind of late to ask that. It hasn't gotten off to a very good non-start.
NOTW High Court Case Sex Revelations
Journalist's techniques questioned as Coulson found to have hacked Brooks' vagina
Cheech & Chong - The Original Pot Heads Are Back
Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong, known as Cheech and Chong are reuniting for another marijuana movie. The title is Cheech and Chong: Growing and Selling Pot At The Old Folks Home.
Susan Boyle? Wasn't She That Homely Singer Who...
Susan Boyle recently remarked that she is not in the Witness Protection Program and explained that the reason she is hardly ever seen is because her 15 minutes basically ran out.
Man bolts through airport checkpoint, boards empty plane
Demands that he be taken to Alpha Centauri! "I'm ready. Where no man has been! Light the rockets!"
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