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Paula Deen's sons defend her against charges of racism

"Mom is no more a racist than we are," Bobby Deen said. "She wouldn't say anything we wouldn't say," brother Jamie agreed. Deen's sons are the celebrity chef's partners in a restaurant named Sambo's

written by Gee Pee, 25 June 2013
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Jackie Chan not yet dead

Quashing rumors of his death, martial arts expert and actor Jackie Chan said, "I'm not dead, nor has Chuck Norris killed me. Like Mark Twain, "news of my death is greatly exaggerated."

written by Gee Pee, 25 June 2013
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.....3 Hail Mary's and a large Fries.

'Pray for Mandela', says Zuma....why, what's he done wrong this time?

written by Herrdoktorfox, 25 June 2013
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I Spy

Resident rock dweller and unemployed Home Secretary Jack Straw 'appalled' by Lawrence family spying, why not keep you curtains drawn and your flies done up Jacko...simples cobber.

written by Herrdoktorfox, 25 June 2013
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Scotty Pippen investigated for assault on a former fan

Former Chicago Bulls player, NBA superstar Scotty Pippen, is being investigated for assaulting a fan. "He want my autograph, but he don't want to pay," Pippen said, "so I give him a fist in the face."

written by Gee Pee, 25 June 2013
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Good news for golfers who don't know enough to come in out of the rain

According to meterologists, it's okay to play golf during thunderstorms, because lightning more frequently strikes fishermen than it does golfers. Golf, anyone?

written by Gee Pee, 25 June 2013
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Powerful NASA spy-in-the-sky locates Edward Snowden

Whistleblower seen delivering takeaway 'kebabs' to Julian Assange in Ecuador London embassy

written by queen mudder, 25 June 2013
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Local News

Now for the local news: Both our cats had a breakfast of Sheeba Seafood and have gone back to bed. Looks like that rain may hold off another day. Wasn't that a toad-choker yesterday, though?

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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Last-minue goals power Chicago to Stanley Cup

The Boston Bruins will receive the Doc Livingston Cup as runner-up, we presume.

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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Another business drops Paula Deen

FAMOUS AMOS Cookies say they have also dropped Deen from their ads.

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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Korean War Anniversary Celebrated

Major websites in both North and South Korea crashed for hours on the 63rd anniversary of the start of the Korean war. "At least they r leafing us out of the boogie woogie macarena", stated VP Nixon.

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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Obama hit by Snowden setbacks with China, Russia

Also, ripe tomatoes, rotten potatos. CIA looking to find someone who spells "potatoes" wrong.

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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Pork-Laced Ammo Designed to Send Muslims to Hell

Also working on hog manure cluster bombs.

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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Russia Scared To Death of Helping Iran

Now that Iran may have nuclear weapons, they threaten to use them on Russia if Russia doesn't send more help building many more of them. Putin pissed.

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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Obama unveils plan that skirts Congress.

This time all of congress may hold filibuster. Rand Paul: I will NOT wear a skirt.

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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WH Climate Adviser: 'A War on Coal Is Exactly What's Needed'.

"Charge the poor relying on it and they'll be lined up for our porridge every day."

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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WASHPOST: Obama's hands-off approach draws criticism.

"I mean the man is supposed to take responsibility for SOMETHING!" (Wash Post)

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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Snoops True Facts # 303

Snoops Absolutely True Facts: Until the year 1642, there were no leprechauns!

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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Snoops True Facts #160

From Snoops True Facts: "The Buck Stops Here" did not originate with Harry Trueman but with Teddy Roosevelt. Plus it was a deer head behind desk.

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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RUSSIAN FM: Snowden never crossed border into Russia.

Authorities now think that Snowden has changed his name 15 time, the latest that of "David Blaine".

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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Beijing bans Labrador retrievers

Officials in Beijing, China, have banned Labrador retrievers after receiving numerous complaints about the large canines. "Their meat too tough, too stringy," Chinese authorities charge.

written by Gee Pee, 25 June 2013
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Joan Rivers bonds with Bristol Palin

After swapping her own daughter Melissa for Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol on Celebrity Wife Swap, Rivers bonded with Bristol, saying, "I shouldn't have judged her; it's not easy being a Gentile."

written by Gee Pee, 25 June 2013
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IRS targeting more widespread than previously thought

Danny Werfel, the new IRS chief, told Congress that his agency targeted more than conservative political groups: "If your last name starts with a letter between 'A' and 'Z,' we targeted you," he said.

written by Gee Pee, 25 June 2013
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Sharapova favored over Williams

According to a poll conducted by Sports Illustrated: The Swimsuit Issue, tennis fans favor Maria Sharapova over Serena Williams "10 to 1" because Sharapova is "hot" and Williams is "not."

written by Gee Pee, 25 June 2013
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Brad Pitt promotes new flick

Actor Brad Pitt says that living with Angelina Jolie all these years prepared him for his role as a zombie fighter in the X-rated film World War Z, cumming soon to a theater near you.

written by Gee Pee, 25 June 2013
Rating:

Plants perform arithmetic; calculate square roots

Botanists have learned that plants do complex arithmetic, calculating square roots. Now what will vegans eat? PETA prepares a new nude campaign to save the planet's greenery, recommends starvation.

written by Gee Pee, 25 June 2013
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George Lucas marries

To prove he is not a racist, that he is not a goody-goody, and that he is still "smoking hot"), Star Wars creator George Lucas, 69, wed Mellody Hobson, 44, who comes from the Dark Side of the Farce.

written by Gee Pee, 25 June 2013
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Close Reader Finds Another Secret In Immigration Bill

"Everyone now a citizen of the United States of America will have 24-hr period to pack their things and hit the road."

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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Terms Changing

With new terms Fatty, Obese and What IS That?, being called a Fatass may be a compliment in the rear future...in the near future.

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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Snowden takes a leak on Uncle Sam

It doesn't take a guy like Eric Snowden to piss down Uncle Sam's back and tell US it's raining, let alone sale US out ?

written by mancalledhorsemanure, 25 June 2013
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Justices block generic drug liability lawsuits!

Ads begin everywhere for 12-inch penis, Dolly Parton-type boobs at super low prices.

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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From Fat To Obese To What?

First Person: Being Called Fat Was Bad Enough; Now I Am Obese. Next what? "Here Comes The Next Big Thing!".

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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Doctors make progress toward 'artificial penis'

I'm sorry. That should be 'Doctors make progress toward artificial pancreas'.

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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Latest bird flu strain 'kills more than a third'

So if two of your friends are healthy, better be making some plans.

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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Snoops True Facts #127

Before changing Leonard Nimoys ears to become Mr. Spock for the original Star Trek, they first gave him a 15-inch snout.

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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Meanwhile GOP Slips in own law as part of Immigration Bill

"Red states will have the right to say NO to staying in the Union."

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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US Citizens: Looks like We Defend Ourselves

Latest: Illegals face lesser punishment than U.S. citizens for crimes committed.

written by Bureau, 25 June 2013
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