Spoof news snippets from Monday 10 June 2013
Nice guy finishes second to last for the first time in history
Nice guy, Dave Moreo, finishes second to last for the first time in history, when local hottie Clair Bratton calls him for a date, after her other plans fall through.
Unicorns keep in touch
Finally, Unicorns have got with the modern age, with a now 100% coverage of the unicorn population on Virgin Mobil. "We've had a lot of horn pierced phones returned," said Branson.
Unicorn obesity problem
The unicorn obesity problem has been averted thanks to them signing up in droves to Virgin Active. "Even horny creatures need to get fit," said Richard Branson.
Unicorn set to be the first mythical creature in space
A unicorn has put it's name down to go into space. "Naturally, it chose Virgin Galactic," said Richard Branson. "We're the only company with horn proof suits."
High street shops are bracing themselves as Unicorns get ready to spend spend spend now that they have all signed up to Virgin credit cards. "Our best rates are for mythical creatures," said Branson.
Unicorns finally take to the air
Unicorns have now followed their illustrious cousin, Pegasus, into the air. Their preferred airline is Virgin. "It must be our seats," said Richard Branson.
When Unicorns want to get online, a recent survey has shown that they unanimously choose Virgin Broadband. "Great!" said Richard Branson.
Unicorn train travel
Richard Branson has announced an increase of 500% of the number of unicorns travelling by Virgin Rail. "They love us," he said.
Unicorn plague at Virgin Media's headquarters
Virgin Media headquarters in London have been inundated with a plague of unicorns. "They're attracted to virgins," said Branson. "And our office is the only one in London."
Alex Jones Claims Watford a "False Flag"
"There's no way any actual town would need that many Nandos's" He raged.
Kissinger Gives Lasting Impression of Watford as he Leaves Bilderberg
"I thought I'd died and gone to hell."