Order by:
Rating:

Another Chinese Toy recalled

This time it's Mr. Grenade Head. Be sure to leave the ring in the right ear alone and return to store (which will escort you to the Firehouse).

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Identical Twins Lose Memory In Car Wreck!

"We didn't know which of us was which until we made our husbands undress.", stated Gale. "I knew my Tommy right away. Sorry Kale. Looks like you get the short end of the stick."

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Mr. Wiffle Dead

Long time commercial star Mr. Wiffle of Charmin fame squeezed to death by Grizzly while on tour with group in Alaska.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
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Dr. Oz This Thursday:

"Carnival Pinhead insists that angels are dancing up on top!" What will Dr. Oz recommend?

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
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Rumors of Joe Biden False!

Joe did not barbecue a horse for the 4th of July! "It was for Father's Day", whinnies family joker.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
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101 Million Americans Receive Food Aid from Federal Gov't.

How much longer before we are placed on reservations?

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
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STIMULUS: Second-largest U.S. employer is temp agency

This should give the job market a boost for at least three weeks!

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

WH ORDERS: Greek yogurt for school children!

Kids can't wait for their first yogurt fight. Will wind up in garbage with apple.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
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Justin Bieber's voice changes

Justin Bieber announced that his voice has gotten deeper. "My testicles descended," he announced, "and I sprouted pubic hair." No word yet on whether puberty will adversely affect his teen idol iamge.

written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Alec Baldwin clarifies "homophobic" tweets

"Do I hate gays?" Alec Baldwin tweeted. "It depends on what's in their wallets." He said he was trying out a new slogan for his Capital One commercials, which ask viewers, "What's in your wallet?"

written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Paula Deen tweets Alec Baldwin

Embattled celebrity chef Paula Deen tweeted actor Alec Baldwin: "It could be worse, dear: at least I don't hate gays and you don't hate black folk."

written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Alec Baldwin embraces gays

"I don't hate gays," actor Alec Baldwin insists. "In fact, I love gays; I just wouldn't want to marry one."

written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Alec Baldwin apologizes

Actor Alec Baldwin apologized for bashing gays. "I'm sorry if my comments made limp-wristed, mincing faggots ruin their mascara with all their girly tears," he said.

written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Turkish police fire rubber bullets

Riot police in Turkey fired rubber bullets at demonstrators at Istanbbul's Gezi Park. "I just wish the ecomony would improve enough for us to afford real ammo," one police officer lamented.

written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Snowden's popularity soars

Not only do many Americans regard whistleblower Edward Snowden as a national hero, but his popularity has also soared worldwide, with Russia, Cuba, and Venezuela competing to offer him citizenship.

written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Egypt to start over from scratch

Following the military's ousting of President Mohammed Morsi, Eqypt plans to rebuild from scratch, which is why the army has begun a wholesale slaughter of the nation's citizenry.

written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Is That A Threat?

Congressman who refused identification says he's been told that congress will be broken in half if it rules against steroid use.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Reagan Is Getting Closer

GOP followers of Ronald Reagan have pointed out that on windy days, there isn't a single hair moving on Reagan's head in the old videos. That's his second miracle. "Just one more", says Limbaugh.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

George Zimmerman Friends Insist It's His Voice Screaming for Help

"I'd recognize that scream anywhere", stated male friend. "He did that every time he saw a spider."

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Bin Laden wore cowboy hat 'to avoid detection': Pakistani report

Apparently Osama bin Laden wore a cowboy hat to avoid detection. "Everybody who saw him thought it was the ghost of Ronald Reagan and kept quiet so they wouldn't lose their jobs", says CIA agent.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Belated Apologizes

Families and friends of the late Red Fox and Moms Mabley apologize for their famous relative using the "N" word on records and tapes over 2,000 times.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

China Economy Can Be Imitated

U.S. Treasury Dept. says Chinese prosperity can be copied. "We can either work their hours for what they pay workers OR we can learn to copy their money perfectly." 95% vote for the latter.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

San Jose Police To Record Race Of Every Person They Stop, Question

Will no longer accept the one-word answer: "Human".

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

IRS Mistakenly Exposes Thousands of Social Security Numbers.

"And they all turn out to be Republican voters", says spokesman. "Can you figure the odds of that, you'd win the lottery."

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

New "Puke Rock" Teenager Speaks Out

"Puke Rock" is a much misunderstood group", says young man with total of 58 piercings and 111 tattoos. "We just want to be mistreated like everyone else who pukes."

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Indiana Man Ran Over By Hearst on Way to Grave

"George would have wanted it this way", says the late Georges' friend. "He was always a minimalist." The late George Smith was buried in the same grave below coffin of stiff in hearse.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

New Album From Ringo Going Nowhere

Even though he gave it the title "John & George Are Dead" the new album by Ringo Starr seems to be going nowhere. Most teens are asking, who's George and John?"

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Gun Shoots Off It's Mouth, Denies Blame

A gun on a rack in an old pick-up truck in Tennessee says that it has never killed anybody. "I've taken down a squirrel and a couple of rabbits but I refuse to take the blame for anything else."

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Most Horrible Way To Go?

New York City man killed after urinating on subway's third rail!

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

"Come & Look At This Daddy!"

Bin Laden raid files reportedly purged from Pentagon computers, sent to CIA, 8-year-old in Owensboro, Kentucky.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Congress Divided Over Whether to Cut Off Aid to Egypt

"Let's hold off on that and see who's in charge and what the Chinese tell us to do with their money", says Joe Biden

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

The Study Continues

After ten years 100 monkeys in room with 200 typewriters have not written a Shakespeare play. Thus far, only one episode of The Love Boat has been completed plus eleven monkeys have died of boredom.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Man arrested for taking "indecent liberties" with animal twice

A Texas man was arrested for having sex with the same horse twice. "Even if he'd mounted a different mount, he'd have been jailed, though," the sheriff said. "In Texas, we frown on horsing around."

written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Hillary Clinton's secret of staying young-looking

"A study shows that regular sex keeps a body looking seven years younger," Hillary Clinton said, "and Bill's nothing if not 'regular' when it comes to sex, even with me."

written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Obama scandals keep on cumming

The U. S. State Department is trading passports for sex in a worldwide prostitution ring. "Only in America!" Hillary Clinton said, praising the operation for "the opportunities it provides women."

written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Rating:

...........Actung-Actung Campers!!

Britains answer to Stalug Luft 8 POW camp, namely Center Parcs are recruiting 1,500 'prisoners' for their new Woburn Forest set up... Any inmate able to escape without recapture is awarded a 10% bonus

written by Herrdoktorfox, 08 July 2013
Rating:

California sterilizes female prisoners

To prevent them from fornicating and producing possible future criminals, California forces female prisoners to undergo sterilization. Tubal ligations are cheaper than incarceration, officials say.

written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Rating:

...........Monty told me to do it!

China told to stop 'uprooting Tibetans' never knew you grew 'em in the first place?

written by Herrdoktorfox, 08 July 2013
Rating:

...........pass the beer Sheila!

New Australian PM Kevin Rudd packs his new cabinet with women...this joker is no fool...dirty boy!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 08 July 2013
Rating:

...........Royal JSA?

Belgium's King Albert II to abdicate....get those CV's ready campers!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 08 July 2013
Rating:

......not another one!!

Zara and Mike expecting their first baby...how terribly terribly mind numbing what!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Four ways Obama needs to control his spies

Number One (and most important) is the way he....sorry, just been arrested. Will try to give you these later.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Studies Show No Long-Term Benefit From Glucosamine

Also, no other vitamin/mineral/herb pills. Studies financed by drug companies.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

The Hottest Sunglasses This Season: See Top Picks

Number One Once Again: The Jake and Elwood Chi-town Specials.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

California Prisons Were Illegally Sterilizing Female Inmates

"It was either that or castrating the guards", says former warden.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Blames Global Warming On Sun

Scientists reveal that earth's increase in global warming is caused by the increase in the use of solar power. (Wonder if increase in hurricanes caused by too much reliance on wind power?)

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Nearly half of babies have flat skull spot

Doctors blame horny husbands during last months of pregnancy.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

One In Four Have Guns

Close to one-quarter of teenagers and young adults treated for shooting injuries in a Michigan emergency room reported owning or carrying a gun, according to a new study. No kidding, Einstein.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Secret move keeps bin Laden records in the shadows

Great! It takes us ten years to find bin Laden and now we can't find his records.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Dalai Lama calls for 'happier century'.

Hopes next incarnation will be that of a clown. "If it's a mime, shoot me."

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Singapore moves to tighten regulation of news web sites.

"Of course 'The Spoof' will always be welcome here. We need laughs badly."

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

"They're Here!"

Hurricane Chantel may be headed straight toward Florida say weather experts. "Let's just hope Chantel isn't a #5!"

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Paula Deen In Trouble Again

Paula Deen admitted this morning that she has a tattoo of "Aunt Jemima" on her left buttock.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

No Win Situation In Egypt

Most countries are giving up on Egypt. "They're at the point of throwing fits, rocks, 'Yo Mama' jokes at each other.", says Joe Biden.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Prisoners May Be Released At Gitmo

After recent hunger strike U.S. sends in hypnotists. "In their weakened state, they all think they're chickens", says guard. "See that one pecking around over there."

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Walmart Asks Girl Scouts Not To Sell Cookies

A spokeswoman says that too many of their obese customers cause huge ham up in front of store, purchasing Girl Scout Cookies. "Nothing personal. Someone might fall on one of the little girls."

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Cuba's Raul Castro backs asylum offers for Snowden

"He needs to go asylum", says Raul. "He's crazy as Fidel!"

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
Rating:

Criminals Hate New Public Records Website

Many are striking back by hacking into innocent peoples records and recording them as molesters, especially the families of police officers.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2013
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