Order by:
Rating:

Morsi out in coup

Coupe, like the chickens? President in chicken coupe? Oh, in a Coup. Probably a chicken anyway.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Ecuador says it found a second hidden microphone at British Embassy

"This time we believe it is the work of the Americans not the British", says spokesman. "It says 'MADE IN CHINA' right there on the back!"

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Alaska Gets Baked: Record Heat Has Its Consequences

Heat in Alaska allows Texas to become our largest state once again!

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Snowden still in Moscow despite Bolivian plane drama

Mistake about Snowden being aboard airline made after military plane pilot reported a drone flying right behind it.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

'LONE RANGER' Opens to Disastrous Numbers.

Patron: They made Tonto looked like a mad Keith Richards.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

POLL: More Americans View Blacks As Racist Than Whites, Hispanics

Native American: No racists here. We treat all alike. Welcome to come to any of our many fine casinos.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Obama's Air Force One bill $6.5 million for Africa alone

China threatens to cut off allowance, Ground all U.S. politicians for a month!

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Egypt: Epidemic of Sexual Violence

Many are reporting that Egypt as a country is screwed!

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Breaking News: Oil Above $100!

Let's all hope that they mean per barrel, not gallon.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

REPORT: Morsi Under House Arrest!

John Kerry: It's not so bad being held under a house. Except that time Paps went off and made me hide under the outhouse.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Andy Murray Wins The Quarter Finals At Wimbledon

Fernando Verdasco had the left handed serve, the first two sets and the hair, but Andy Murray won the quarter-finals at Wimbledon. Bravo Murray.


written by K.C. Bell, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Superman/Clark Kent

People think that the old TV Superman show was silly because no one recognized Clark Kent. But, if you ever watched it real close, Clark always crossed one eye and no one wanted to look really close.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Alex Rodriguez Defends Himself

"I took all those performance inducing drugs for playing football with guys in neighborhood, not Pro Baseball!"

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

84-Year-Old Wins Lottery

84-year-old woman in Florida who won the $590 million Powerball lottery. First thing she says she is getting is a head transplant. "Then I'll go body shopping overseas...Just Kidding Ha Ha!..STROKE!"

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

.............comparetheNHS.web?

Health Tourism: Foreigners face a £200 NHS levy, wow!!.......not a bad fully comp insurance at 54p per day...well thought out Tory boys!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Florida Keys prepare for sea level rise

"We are all moving to the second floor or having second floor built", says Mayor. "Everyone already has a boat."

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Tips to Make Your Mortgage Cheaper

"If you have a 15-year mortgage on your house, redo the loan to 30-45 years. By then dollar will be worth about ten cents", says economist.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Kershaw, Puig lead Dodgers to 8-0 win over Rockies, World War III Breaks out!

Clayton Kershaw tossed a four-hitter for his second shutout while Puig managed three hits in big win over Rockies. No updates on that war thing. Check back with us tomorrow.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Ecuador says it found a hidden microphone at its London embassy

British spokesman: "I wonder how the Americans managed to do that?"

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Iraq war vet Rep. Tulsi Gabbard welcomes opening combat missions to women

"Who usually wins the divorce fight?", she asks audience.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Snoops True Facts: 111A The James Gang!

According to Snoops: The legend of the James Gang is greatly exaggerated. Instead of robbing over 100 banks and 200 trains, they only held up 77 banks and under 92 trains.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

100,000 New Yorkers Infected With New Tick-Borne Illness.

Leading doctor says they "still don't know what makes them tick!" "The old heart just takes it last tick!" Immediately fired for using puns during serious threat.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

FBI STILL Hasn't Contacted IRS-Targeted 'Tea Party' Groups About Investigation.

"Probably can't find anyone to make him a bullet-proof codpiece", says Tea Party spokesman.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Illinois governor vetoes parts of concealed carry gun bill.

Still won't be able to carry sawed-off shotgun down inside pants leg.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

DREAMWORKS, SPIELBERG PLAN NEW 'GRAPES OF WRATH'.

Only this time, Indiana Jones will be driving the family out west...drunk as a skunk.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

US drone kills 16 suspected militants in Pakistan.

What does these things do, count the number of dead after the explosion?

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

National Intelligence Director Apologizes for Lying to Congress.

Blames "Force of habit". "We usually just say 'misspoke' but this one was a whopper!"

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

World bets on British royal baby name, sex

Although there is much difference of opinion on the name, it's near 100% believe that they had sex.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

DRAMA IN THE SKY: Bolivian leader's plane rerouted on fear Snowden aboard.

"For pete's sake", says leader "we're returning from a vacation. There is a 'snowboard', not Snowden. Is everybody crazy?"

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Snoops True Facts #90

According to Snoops: Nine out of ten astronauts report a bowel movement upon re-entering the earth's atmosphere.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Egypt: 'Massive wave of anti-Obama sentiment'.

Everywhere else except with the Press in the United States.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Egypt's Islamist president refuses to step down.

"Are you kidding? There are banana peels all the way from here to Mecca!"

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Snoops True Facts #1156

According to Snoops: The late great George Jones was born with two livers!

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Feely touchy

Police Stop and Search powers to be 'reviewed' by Home Secretary Fanny May...Robert Peel must be spinning in his grave!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 03 July 2013
Rating:

French energy minister fired for speaking out of turn

"I had to go use the toilet. I lost track", he pleaded.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Robert Pattinson and Elvis Presley's granddaughter are allegedly dating, and more

Gossip columnist apparently won't comment on what he meant by "more". Probably sparking.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Clapper apologizes for 'erroneous' answer on NSA

"Did I say we bugged 10,000 Americans for security reasons? I meant 10,000,000. So I lied. It was for security reasons."

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Mandela Family Feuds Over Burial, Legacy

Grandson apparently wants him buried at "Mandela World" Theme Park he's planning. Mandela signals: I ain't dead yet!

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Defiant Egyptian president says he won't step down

Egyptian Army General: You can either step down now or we'll see that you step up...way way up.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Obama admin delays major requirement of health law

Says timing of announcement had nothing to do with any old election years coming up. "How does he do that with a straight face?" asks Rush Limbaugh.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
Rating:

Armed group forces closure of Libyan Interior Ministry

Israel: "Did you hear what Egyptian leader just said about Iran? No? How about that PLO spokesman saying Jordan was a rotten kumquat? (Hey, this is working.) Muslim Brotherhood say they hate Qatar."

written by Bureau, 03 July 2013
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