Order by:
Rating:

Walmart Announcement!

"Attention all workers, massive cleanup on adult diaper aisle. Also, need to bring forklift to help customer off floor."

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

France Decides Not to Surrender to Taliban

Talks were going well until female came by wearing thong. Taliban leave right away. "Where you going?" "To hell no doubt."

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Anthony Weiner: My Weiner isn't running for office

"Something's Up!" yells reporter just before Weiner decks him. "Who's the weiner now?"

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Moleturd! Get out of the snippets!

Soldier drilled out of the U.S. Army who stated that he was tired of fighting for a President that couldn't pass a small olive pit. There's a whole line of them now. I should have tried that on Nixon.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Man with No Harness to Climb Skyscraper, Nat Geo to Air it Live

First time it's ever been done on a horse, let alone with no harness!

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Weiner Still Trying to get a grip on himself

"I really think I can win. I haven't sent out any dirty pics or e-mails in over three weeks. I think I still have a shot."

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Weiner Back in Again!

Anthony Weiner has changed his mind and is back in the race. "I wish he'd make up his mind if he's in or out", says wife.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Hacker Barnaby Jack dies in San Francisco

"Poor soul shot himself seventeen times", says CIA agent! "Guess he just wanted to be on the safe side."

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Plague-Infected Squirrel Closes Campground

Infected Squirrel: She swore to me that she was clean!

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Ethics Committee Investigating GOP Rep. Bachmann

"This is just our tenth time", states Head of Committee, especially the mouth part.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Obese Inmate Spared From Execution Dies

Guard dressed as "Grim Reaper" said he meant no harm. "I dressed like a fried chicken leg last year and he laughed so hard he shook for two days."

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

U.S.: We Promise Not to Torture, Kill Edward Snowden

President to Putin: You still have some of that ricin, don't you?

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Teasing obese people may cause them to gain more weight #2

Advice: "Everyone should ignore the elephant in the room!"

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Teasing obese people may cause them to gain more weight

Study shows that not teasing them also causes them to gain more weight.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Obama tells Congress: It's time for bold economic action

"You're all fired. Bring in their replacements!"

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Study shows l'uomo lupo cycles can disturb sleep

I'm sorry. That should be "lunar" cycles. (Don't those have one wheel?)

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

McCain hopes $1 coin leads to bigger tips for strippers

"Also penny pitchers looking for a little more action...Coin tossers for who kicks off." Led away by men in white coats.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

100 arrested in Italy Mafia crackdown

Most of those arrested in crackdown were disguised as plumbers, according to Police.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Madison Square Garden to move

Also Statue of Liberty and Central Park. Brooklyn Bridge still thinking about it.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Full moon may disrupt sleep

After seeing really fat lady's pants split while bent over to get can of beans at Walmart. "That can keep you awake for up to six months", say sleep experts.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Detroit to build $444 million arena

Won't name source of funding. Name of team changed to the Detroit Dragons!

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Who Picked This Juror?

Juror in George Zimmerman trial: The man who killed Trayvon Martin "got away with murder. He was supposed to be in prison for robbing jewelry store. But that was the man on the grassy knoll."

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Cowboys say complex to be renamed AT&T Stadium

"OK! OK! so we sold out", stated Cowboys owner. "But we haven't won a championship for a long time now. It could have been WalMarts Cowboy Stadium, you know!"

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Toyota top-selling automaker despite China slump

Even though most buyers refused beautiful set of China for half price with Toyota new car purchase, Toyota remained its Number One position!

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Houston Man Provides High-Crime Neighborhoods With Free Shotguns

Houston police officer says that it's an explosive situation. "These idiot home owners will now shoot some innocent burglar!"

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Lincoln Memorial Vandalized

Photograph of Weiner placed in statue's lap.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Students sign petition to legalize abortion AFTER childbirth...

"You mean we can get rid of George legally", says one of the signers parents!

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

College Republicans Denied Admittance to Obama Speech.

"They just didn't want to admit that none of us were planning to come hear him", states one 18-year-old.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Kate Middleton lets slip about royal baby...

When given a teddy bear as a present, kate said thanks I'll take that for my d...
So thats it then, the royal baby will be called DARREN!

written by radiogagger, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Feds investigate Redneck Day at AZ high school

Every high school in the south announce that they too will have a Redneck Day! Feds should be kept busy.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Christie calls Rand Paul 'dangerous'.

Rand Paul calls Christie a traitor. Aren't these two in the same Party? Who knows what's happening when both parties get together?

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Weiner At Seen Sperm Bank

The Staff of the NYC Sperm Bank say they hated seeing Weiner drop out. "He was our biggest Weiner....Boner...Doner!"

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Weiner In Rock Grope

That should be "Group" not grope. Anthony Weiner may join rock group, replacing Reynolds in "Hamilton, Joe, Frank & Weiner".

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Weiner Beaten Already

Most polls now show Anthony Weiner at only 10%. "No use in him coming out now", says one lonely Weiner supporter, Jay Jockey.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Top Ten Things that will ruin a date #3

Hiding your plate under the table and asking waitress when will YOUR food arrive? Then asking for a carry-out box for leftovers.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Top Ten Things that will ruin a date #2

Number Two: Taking out false teeth and chasing date across restaurant. Note: This will also get you tossed out and prevented from returning.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Top Ten Things that will ruin a date

Number one: Scratching your ass at restaurant and then smelling your hand. It may itch but no further dates. Also, it always smells the same.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Michelle Obama Says She Knows How Royal Baby Feels

"I was once a baby myself. Baby's can have it rough."

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Congressmen reach across Aisle and slap opponents

Both houses of Congress deeply divided over why chicken crossed the road! Was Crazy Horse really crazy? Why Sam Cooke's date couldn't do the "Cha Cha Cha!"

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
Rating:

Cronkite Remembered

Old TV janitor fondly remembers Walter Cronkite. "We'd only have about 15 minutes of real news. Walter made up the rest. That man had a great imagination.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2013
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