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Rating:

Drug Company Makes Quick Switch

Several drug companies close to curing the common cold, bird flu and Luekemia drop tests immediately as one guy accidentally discovers a new and much improved penis pepper-upper!

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
Rating:

Professor Tossed From State University

A Kentucky University has fired Professor Ronnie Hawkins for teaching that cave men were merely ordinary men who had to walk low inside those caves and developed a stoop.

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Kansas School Board Update

The state of Kansas school board has voted against teachers teaching....well, just teaching.

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Kim Jong Un Embarrasses North Korea

"It's bad enough with silly grin but when he farts he suddenly runs forward going "Beep Beep!", whispers guard. "Of course, the old man ran cartoons night & day."

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Many New Yorkers Celebrate Little Known Holiday

Tomorrow, it will be 78 years since King Kong shot down from Empire State Building, landing on and killing over 100 nosy reporters.

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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It's A Baby Boy!

Royal couple finally have a baby as Kate gave birth to ?. He will be third in line to the throne and would be called King ?. "You should have seen the proud father as he took little ? into his arms."

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Norwegian Woman Jailed For Being Raped Released

A Norwegian woman who was sentenced to prison in Dubai after reporting that she was raped has been given a pardon and will be heading home soon, she said Monday. "I guess I forced him to rape me."

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Prince William's wife Kate gives birth to baby boy

"I think he liked it in there, Prince William. It took awhile before he came out!" joked a friend. "Can't blame him for that. I feel the same way", joked his majesty, sounding like his late mother.

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Pope Francis lands in Brazil for first papal trip abroad

"And you make sure those a-broads keep their tops on", jokes the new pope! "I know Brazil!"

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Redskins' RG3: 'Doctors cleared me to practice'

"Not that R2D2 couldn't have done a good job. I'm sure he'll get some time in as I'll need to rest some."

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Tragedy In The Smokey Mountains

Too late, tourist discovers that he is near the top of black mountain bear's food chain

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Butcher's Floor Scrap Pizza Makes Gains.

"Just as long as there's a plenty of meat", say affectionados. "You can't beat a large pizza for $1.25."

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Latest On The 4th of July Hot Dog King, Down to 39!

"My specialist says that I have now reached the half way point of getting rid of the things. Maybe by Christmas I'll be totally cleansed."

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Rolling Stone Author Asks Honest Question

"This is David Crosby with the Byrds. Now THIS is David Crosby today. You tell me these are the same people? No way. the real Crosby died during that liver transplant.

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
Rating:

Bought It At Louisville Concert in 1975

Favorite old Bob Dylan shirt really warn and ragged. Amazingly, it still looks just like him!

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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First Lady Michelle Obama in Hot Water

Asks her maid to add a little cold water to her bath. "Mister President, come wash my back!"

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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New Trend?

Some goths are now turning to the "New Tonto Look" but crow feather sometimes hard to get.

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
Rating:

Latest from The Candy World

New Three Musketeers now downsized to Two Musketeers but with the same old price! "Think of the calories you're saving", say ads.

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
Rating:

Save on cooling costs with easy tips

Number One: Fill bathroom full of cool water and swim around in there. Remember, the deeper you make it, the higher the water bill but not by much.

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Wave of Celebrity Weddings This Weekend

With the largest crowd expected to see Bert marry Ernie on Sesame Street Special.

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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McDonald's predicts tough year despite new items

"You can now get a pink slimer and a large Bottle of faucet water for under $1.00", says counter person.

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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EU calls for Mursi's release, democratic elections in Egypt

"No", states military chief. "You want us to keep on Killing each other off."

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Grass fire at Hwy 41 quickly contained

Homeless Hiker congratulated: "I just whipped her out and whizzed her down."

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Lefty Michelson claims a trophy he thought might elude him

Meanwhile Tiger Woods ran around and around a tree until he melted into pancakes.

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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And How long Have These Guys Been Fasting?

Video Claims to Show Imam on Jerusalem's Temple Mount Calling for Caliphate and Destruction of the U.S., France, Britain, Rome, Atlantis!

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Still no baby news from the royal family.

"I know one thing", Kate has told relatives. "He/She is going to be shy."

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
Rating:

Most Americans Asking The Same Thing

"At what point did we all lose our minds?"

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Dear Diary: The NSA, IRA, CIA Nazis Are Very Busy

Community organizers will use Federal Data Hub to sign up people for subsidies, housing and even ballots with only one name on them.

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Drug Companies: Say What?

Scientists discover brain's 'misery molecule' which affects stress, anxiety, depression.

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Sly, Family Stone, Prices All Getting Higher!

"Feeling's gettin stronger! Music's gettin longer too! Music is flashing me. I want to take you higher. Baby baby baby light my fire. This gas is getting higher. Boom-Boom, Boom Boom, Ba Boom Boom!"

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Feds to Map Every Neighborhood in Effort to 'Eliminate Segregation' #2

Isn't this the way that Hitler started? Are we going to be separated by race, influence on elections and how high the income?

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
Rating:

Feds to Map Every Neighborhood in Effort to 'Eliminate Segregation'

Some families to be bused to other neighborhoods to sleep at night.

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Detroit Plans to Cut Retirees' Pensions.

Thirteen "Old-Timers" gangs already formed and making deals with young hoods.

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Gay Marriages

With lawful gay marriages approval, the latest Who's Who will also include a section on Who's What.

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
Rating:

NRA States Have Less Bullying At School

Especially among those college students with gun rack in back of pick-up trucks.

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
Rating:

Fudge Report

Matt Fudge: Fudge looks good this morning. A good shape and brown color. Also didn't float. Keep up the fiber.

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Royal's baby = legs eleven!

Fred and Hilda Royal are about to give birth to their eleventh and hope the country will welcome the little buggar to a long line of mouths that are fed by the country; do I detect a comparison!

written by Jaggedone, 22 July 2013
Rating:

CIA backs study into controlling weather.

This after 50% of forecasts wrong already. When will we learn that "it's not nice to fool with Mother Nature?"

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
Rating:

AIR FORCE Facing Severe Pilot Shortage.

"Not enough pilots being trained because future of pilots up in the air. Ahem. That wasn't meant to be a pun", says spokesman. "It's all the drones flying on their own."

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
Rating:

Royal Baby Appears

"The Royal baby has appeared and it's a, it's a....it's devouring the crowd run for your lives" BATTL News at the Royal birth

written by Backandtotheleft, 22 July 2013
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Royal baby: Kate in labour as world waits

Still only black smoke coming from the hospital chimney!

written by Bureau, 22 July 2013
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Last Reporter With Balls Passes Away

When other White House reporters eagerly licked factoid tidbits from the fingers of administration flacks, Helen Thomas was required to wear a sign around her neck that said "Do Not Hand Feed".

written by The Ruling Authority, 22 July 2013
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