Order by:
Rating:

Saturday, The Nation Remembers!

OK, wait a minute. I know I had them when I took the golf clubs out. That's it! I left them in the trunk of the car and it's still up. We won't have to break into our house after all. Whew!

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Obama asks John McCain to come home

"You had good intentions, John, but it's not working out too well. I may be having flashbacks." Most people think the final episode was when Mccain asked the pope if he knew where Hitler was hiding.

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Terrorist Plot to blow up Brooklyn Bridge fails.

He's ran over in less than five seconds...twice!

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Paul McCartney is joined by ex-Nirvana members in Seattle

That old funny-looking drummer for McCartney's first band seen wandering about backstage. Shown out the door.

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Charges filed against Mich. boy, 12, after bank break-in

"Where do these kids get these ideas?', asks Hollywood reporter. Has to be that NRA!"

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

US Blasts off another rocket!

Rocket launch sends communications satellite into space (Wink! Wink! Nudge! Nudge!)

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Aretha Franklin To Obama Over Detroit Bankruptcy! "Think About It!"

There ain't nothing you could ask I could answer you but I won't, I was gonna change but I'm not, if you keep doing things I don't. You better think, think about what you're trying to do to this city!

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Palestinians: U.S. says 1967 borders will be basis for new peace talks

Israel says it could be between 1967 borders and those of king Solomon!

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

The nation's best parks you don't know about

Goofy section, row 24, number 17 at Disney World has a tree near by and withing two feet of shuttle bus pick up!

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Ten Cheapest Cities to rent an apartment!

Number one: Detroit! Many in the $50 a month range but with a $1,000 deposit you better recheck landlords.

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Fires fast approaching Palm Springs!

Photo of fire in trees show image of laughing Sonny Bono. Cher scared out of her wits after seeing pics.

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Las Vegas Flooded!

Billions of cards of prostitutes given out on the street jam up all the drain systems.

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Aaron Hernandez's future getting clearer

ESPN cites unnamed sources in reporting Hernandez planning a Longest Yard inspired prison football league. Hernandez envisions himself as a player-coach running his newly designed Pistol Offense.

written by Selmer, 20 July 2013
Rating:

FAA warns against shooting down drones

FBI warns against shooting up prones!

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

'Justice for Trayvon' rallies set for 100 cities

"Justice for Ron Goldman Rallies" not until next weekend. Be sure that you don't get the two confused or somebody might hurt you!

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Tom Cruise will be 50 next April!

Tom Cruise is looking to do a movie that real men will like. He is now studying for the lead role in "NASCAR, Football, Sex, Hunting and Farts"!

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Wonder What Al Gore's Up To?

Gore: It's global warming! Global Warming!! That's why people are sweating like crazy. Not the Middle East, Egypt, Syria, People sweating because they are afraid of losing jobs! It's Global Warming!

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Deputy suspended for bringing Skittles, iced tea to work

"Where's the beer and pizza? Where's the doughnuts?", asks local sheriff?

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Eagle Scout Accused of Killing, Eating Eagle!

"Why else would I want to become an eagle scout?", asks Ted Nugent III.

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Obese Boy Scouts banned from outing #2

"They can't take ten steps without huffing and puffing and sweating like crazy. I don't want them to have a heart attack", says Scout Master. "Maybe we need a Big Boy Scout Unit."

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Elin Nordegren Approves of Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn

"And all the other women he may be seeing."

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Fake William and Kate at Hospital

Yep! Turns out to be Tareq and Michaele Salahi up to their old tricks! Apparently they are even resorting to plastic surgery.

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Longtime journalist Helen Thomas dead at 92

Lady loved to ask embarrassing questions of Presidents. "Mr. Bush, you're attacking Iraq because of Daddy? Mr. Clinton, how long did a session with Monica last? Mr. Peanut, I mean President Carter..."

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Briton kidnapped near Nigeria's Lego airport

I'm sorry. That should be Nigeria's Lagos Airport!

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Spider-Man swoops into Comic-Con in full regalia

Especially after tight Spidey pants split right down the middle!

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Pakistani clerics ban women from shopping alone in northwest area

"Any woman caught shopping not protected by family male will be beaten severely. Shopping alone can be dangerous", says leading cleric.

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Boat rolls backward at Ohio amusement park

Amusement mishap leaves all seven aboard injured, rich.

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Judge finalizing deal in Toyota acceleration cases

Judge Jenny Haas Cartwright: This acceleration class suit needs to be sped up!

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Concussion suit vs NCAA seeks class-action status

Judge: Looks like a few blows to the head may also affect their off-season idiocy.

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

GOOGLE plans on implanting chip in brains.

"This will allow us to spot zombies right away", says Head of new program.

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Vatican prelate in 'gay romance' with Swiss guard.

"I love it when he's standing tall!"

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Delaware officials admit tax snooping; Won't identify Christine O'Donnell as target

Delaware State congressman: We were ordered by the U.S. IRS Department.

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Record rainfall scatters gamblers as flooding hits Vegas strip

Several prostitutes floating by on inflated condoms from downtown!

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Arrested Reporter: I stated 'raining' ashes!

Reporter finally proves he stated 'raining ashes', not 'Reigning Asses' as thought by police to be threat to President, Congress.

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Update: Fire Spreads Near Palm Springs

Local: "First time it's rained this year and it has to be raining ashes!"

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

COURT: NYT reporter must testify against source.

"Plus it must agree 100% of the secret recording of what you said before."

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Kerry to Palestinian President: 'You Should Look Happy'

Palestinian President: "Not until all Israeli are dead. It's right there in our proposal."

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Iran's mullahs demand justice for Trayvon.

Also recommend going after anyone owning a gun. Rumored: Al-Qaida next to endorse.

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

Insurance rates to spike 72% in Indiana.

Thus far, over 200,000 are ready to drop all health insurance and pool funds, get discounts for paying in cash.

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

"You may be able to keep your current doctor."

If he hasn't moved to another country. See ObamaCare: Page 989, fifth paragraph down and made plain in "z "See section 498.4". "Be sure to use magnifying glass furnished inside front cover."

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

FANNING THE FLAMES: If teen had been white, 'outcome and aftermath might have been different'

IF O.J. Simpson had been white he would have been convicted of killing innocent man.

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

President Recalls suffering racial profiling

"Me too", says 92-year-old Irish immigrant. "People used to come up to me and ask me for a potato."

written by Bureau, 20 July 2013
Rating:

TV Viewing Tip Gleaned from Real Life

I need to pay closer attention when using my cable TV box's remote control.
I thought I was watching the latest Jackass movie for the past two hours. Turned out to be tonight's Met game.

written by Michael Balton, 20 July 2013
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