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Rating:

Late Night Adventures at WalMart

Whole groups are going shopping at night to see the nightly group of freaks. Last night two weird looking, six-foot tall ladies ran into each other and one lost a wig, the other dropped a tit.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

PETA Asks for kids to be taken from parents

"These monsters allowed those kids to catch lightning bugs and PLACE THEM IN A JAR! What's more, no one even checked to see if there were air holes in the lid!"

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

FAA warns public against shooting guns at drones

"Then quit sending them to spy on us", replies Hermit. "Taste awful."

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

New Chain of Canadian Restaurants in U.S. Doing Well!

In national food revue, "Moose & Dumplings" highly recommended! Also, "Polar Bear with Berry Chutney"!

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Which is America's most escalator-challenged state?

The answer is Maine. Most there were installed by Red Green!

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

NBA's Charles Barkley Says Jury Got It Right

"You would think that our people would have had enough of people wearing hoods many years ago!"

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Obama: 'Trayvon Martin Could Have Been Me 35 Years Ago'

"Only he hadn't been born yet...who wrote this, Joe Biden?"

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Eliot Spitzer & Anthony Weiner Running on same platform

"If the Taliban eventually take over here, we have more experience and practice on how to treat women."

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Next on Rolling Stone Cover?

It's Apparently O.J. Simpson although his photo has been photo shopped until he looks more like Johnny Mathis.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Honus carter, Jimmy's Cousin, Enters Dialogue

"Let's face it folks, blacks under hoods or white under hoods both look like hoodlums!"

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

One-Sided Conversation

President calls for 'soul-searching' and 'national conversation' -- but warns white folks to butt out.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Detroit Could Still Be Saved

Huge company thinking of opening in Detroit that should employ thousands as baby boomers now in big numbers. The Acme Adult Diaper Testing Facilities having a close look. Smell of Detroit should help.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Plenty of jobs available in Arkansas & Kentucky!

Employers in these 2 states and others that have many openings for Purdue and Tyson Chicken Catchers from the chicken super buildings. Pay is per bird caught. Average $9.00 per hour.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Jobs Avaible but Rejected

With millions looking for jobs, there are at least ten employees that are begging for help and paying well. For example: Rectal Thermometer Tester!

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

2 space probes to take Earth's pic

One is a close-up so be sure to wear something nice when you go outside today.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Shocker for breastfeeding mom who's a little older

Police: "Put the kid down and put those things back in your pockets!"

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Obese Boy Scouts banned from outing

"We can't afford now do we have room for circus type tents", says one eagle scout.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Obama: 'Martin could have been me'

Trayvon maybe, but you're certainly no Martin Luther King! One had a dream, the other a hood.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Horse Manure Baking In Heat Stinks Up Philly Street.

"We're starting to smell like Detroit", says Mayor.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

NYC and DC Face Power Outages, Water Restrictions in Soaring Heat.

Al Gore spotted dancing nude in the woods yelling "See! See!"

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Policeman releases manhunt photos of Boston bomber.

Wanted people to know what accused killer REALLY looked like without cleaned up, air brushed Rolling Stone cover. Fired for his effort?

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Ten Jobs Employees Cannot Fill #4

The great skills gap mystery. Despite millions of workers still looking for jobs, there is a wide variety of positions employers just can't seem to fill, research shows. For instance: Roadkill Remover

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Deformed Vegetables, Fruit Reportedly Pop Up Around Japan Nuclear Plant

Plans are for feeding them to animals and tour the world with "Freak Show" to help raise money for clean-up.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Although millions are looking for jobs, these employers cannot find workers

Despite the high number of workforce & all the people out looking for jobs, some employers cannot fill jobs they need done. For instance: Cat Food Taster

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Are You Suffering with Joint Discomfort?

If you are in a state that allows smoking pot, try "Kentucky Presents Loafer's Glory". No discomforts here!

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Ten Top Jobs Employers Cannot Fill #2

Despite all the skills of workforce and all the people out looking for jobs, some employers cannot fill jobs they need done. For instance: Portable Toilet Cleaner!

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

16th World Bodypainting Festival Under Way in Austria

Lots of sci-fi movie personnel on hand for ideas about possible new movie aliens.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Futuristic British Space Plane Engine to Get Flight Test in 2020

Flight tests of an engine for the giant space plane Skylon are expected by 2020. "We Are Borg".

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Ten Jobs Employers Cannot Fill!

The great skills gap mystery continues. Despite millions of workers still looking for jobs, there are a wide variety of positions employers just can't seem to fill, research shows. #1 Laxative Tester!

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

They're Getting Younger

Flash mob of kids overturn ice cream truck and make off with whole load of ice cream.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Alaska only state not to reach 90 degrees.

Also only state where cases of "Road Rage" below 100.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Women lure man to rooftop for sex; man maced, robbed, falls to death.

"We call them 'Sirens', says local policeman. "Listen. Sounds like Enya doesn't it?"

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Former GOP Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell told her tax records were breached

"Just so long as they don't get into the actual figures." Loud "Amen!" heard from all over Washington.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Hollywood big budget flops spell crisis.

May concentrate on redoing old classics in 3D, rearranging theaters to match movie.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Obama Ponders Ccaceling Moscow Talks With Putin

"On my last trip, we say and stared at each other for two hours."

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

PAPER: Karzai's regime issues harsh exit levies on U.S.

Obama: Coming right up! Bush: You can deduct that from what you owe us.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Study: Sex Addiction Not Real Disorder.

But best excuse anyone ever had, say those who claimed it.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

REPORT: Charities sitting on large amount of Superstorm Sandy donations

"Just preparing for the next big one", say charity overseer, from from seat of her new Mercedes.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

UPDATE: WWE embarrassed as wrestling match outcomes leaked online

"The very first time we issue a script and it gets stolen", laments Hairy The Fairy!

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

FLASHBACK: Obama 2012: 'We refused to let Detroit go bankrupt'.

"Hey it's 2013, the election is over!"

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Filing Paints Bleak Picture of Motor City.

How about a "MoTown Aid" Smokey? Willie, Young, etc. helped our farmers!

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Detroit Goes Belly-Up! Largest state to go bankrupt

Billions made by car makers, singers could have raised enough money to help place that gave them a start, but no thanks.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Muslim Brotherhood: We are 'willing to die' for our cause...

Other extremist agree: We will try to help you out there!

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Holden: Zimmerman won't get his gun back!

"Think what that would sell for on eBay!"

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Charles Barkley: 'I Agree With Verdict'

"I usually agree with whatever others don't, disagree with what other's agree. Shows I can think on my own, thank you."

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Jesse Jackson Calls For Boycott of Florida

NRA: Order everything you can from Florida! Lots of fruit available.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Jesse Jackson: Florida an 'Apartheid State'

Florida: Jesse Jackson "A Mental State"!

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

The Queens Will Be Flying To England

Now that Britain has allowed gays to marry, the country is expecting a tremendous influx of queens moving to England from Scotland, Ireland, Wales, France, Denmark, Germany, and even Lower Zamgola.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 July 2013
Rating:

The 2,300 California Prison Hunger Strike Inmates Have A Plan

2,300 California prison inmates are into day 11 of a hunger strike. Some now weigh 90 pounds and guards are concerned that they'll get so skinny they'll be able to crawl out through the iron bars.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Detroit Is In Bad Shape Except For The Tigers, Lions, Pistons, and Red Wings

Detroit goes bankrupt. Los Angeles says they can lend the city $7,000.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 July 2013
Rating:

England's Kings and Kings and Queens and Queens

England's Parliament has agreed to allow same-sex marriages. Count Bruce and The Duke of Liverpool both yell out "Yippie! Matey"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Penn and Teller Say They Want The Snowden Documents To Go Away

Edward Snowden says that he has 6,312 pages of secret documents on Penn Jillette and only 4 on his partner Raymond Teller.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Jesse Jackson Says Just Say "No" To Florida

Rev. Jesse Jackson says that every person in the United States should boycott Florida. So that means that old New York City couples are going to have to settle for Georgia.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Alec "The Arrogant Diva" Baldwin Strikes Again!

Alec Baldwin is furious that someone used black paint to cover up his Hollywood Walk of Fame Star. He said when he catches the culprit he is going to waterboard him (or her).

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 July 2013
Rating:

You Can Run - But You Can't Hide

The word out of Florida is that Zimmerman Trial Juror B-37, wants to change her name to F-93, and go into the Witness Protection Program.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 July 2013
Rating:

IST taking industrial action

Astronauts on board the International Space Station have downed tools and are sriking for better conditions on board the space station. "We want more video games and dart boards" declared one striker

written by whatinthe world, 19 July 2013
Rating:

The Reason Edward Snowden Turned Down Anna Chapman's Marriage Proposal

NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden says he rejected Russian spy Anna Chapman's marriage proposal because he is afraid she would always be spying on him.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Rihanna Could Have Used An Umbrella In Manchester

Rihanna pelted with chips during her Manchester Arena concert. She yelled out a few choice curse words. One concert goer replied, "She was bloody looky we didn't pelta with bangers and mash she was."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 July 2013
Rating:

More Cave Drawing Found in France

After deciphering, experts say these may not be as old as others: "Kilroy Was Here".

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Another NFL Player in Trouble?

No name released yet, but apparently a member of the Tennessee Titans was caught making moonshine in the East Tennessee mountains.

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Snowden still at Russian Airport

"Kind of funny", says airport worker. "The man knows everything, but doesn't know whether he's coming or going."

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
Rating:

Spiders overrunning northern towns in U.S.

Lack of the usual cold the past 2 winters has led to an invasion of spiders up north. "They say they are 99% harmless but I hate stepping on the things", stated one lady. I send out for everything."

written by Bureau, 19 July 2013
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