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Justin Bieber's biggest slip-ups

Busted his ass twelve times the first time he tried Bunny Slope!

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Thousands evacuate as powerful spittoon hits China

I'm sorry, that should be "Thousands evacuate as powerful spittoon hits Phillippines!"

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Zimmerman Found Not Guilty

Family of Trayvon Martin hires Fred Goldman to keep badgering Zimmerman!

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Protesters Rally After 'Not Guilty' Verdict

"Wow!", says Vice President Biden. "Protests were the last thing on my mind. Football almost here!"

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
Rating:

China naval fleet seen off northern Japan.

"Bringing Naval oranges! Joke! Play Cat & Moose!"

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Pope spends day in hill town, jokes with residents

"Rush Letterman on American TV said that during my meeting with Pope Benedict was "Pope Classic" meets "Regular Pope". Ha Ha Ha! Let me tell you one on Americans."

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
Rating:

Robots to revolutionize state workers, ease labor woes

Just as soon as shovel created strong enough for robot to lean on, learn flagging traffic skills.

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Nigerian activists protest visit by Sudan leader

Outside of this, Africa and Middle East pretty well quiet as usual!

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Egypt announces criminal investigation of Mursi

"As soon as we get settled, we will have the guilty Mursi trial", says speaker close to new leader.

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Feathers Fly In Turkey

Turkish police fire tear gas at Istanbul protesters!

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
Rating:

Egypt Government Takes Shape

Egypt goes retro. New Pharaoh to be named!

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
Rating:

Taliban Delivers 30 Lashes

The Taliban are back to their old tricks as woman sneezes veil loose, showing mouth and nose. No protests from NOW here in US.

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Audits: Prison vendor charged for unserved meals

Light Salade aux Lardons turns out to be Spam in wilted outside lettuce leaves.

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Naked Woman In Single Tree Left By Loggers

"Well, I made My point!, she tells Press. "All I can say is that it took the men twice as long to cut down the rest", agrees foreman.

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
Rating:

Tension Mounts in The Middle East As Rockets Exchanged

And in Europe, the Girl Scouts have taken Lyon. On their way to Dijon!

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
Rating:

D.C. to consider decriminalizing marijuana

If you think filibusters last a long time now, wait until pot approved. "Hey dudes. I'm gonna...ummmm.. Uh This is the case! Gotta light, Joe? Joe. Joe Blow! Ahahaa!"

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
Rating:

Zimmerman Found Not Guilty

Next: Trial for holding up Las Vegas store, armed robbery!

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
Rating:

Will Zimmerman jury remain anonymous?

"Not while I'm still out here", say Snowden!

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
Rating:

Sheriff appears nervous after Zimmerman trial

Asks the community to stay clam. "I mean for everyone to clam down!"

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
Rating:

Steroids Again? First Bat Home Run!

The steroid issue came up again after baseball player misses ball for strike three but loses bat...over the fence and into the right field bleachers. No one hurt.

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
Rating:

NFL Players Still Having Off-Season Troubles

The Philadelphia Eagles were arrested this morning for DUI!

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
Rating:

More Trouble For Iran

After computer bug stopped building of nuclear weapons, today an anthrax factory catches on fire. No one responds.

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
Rating:

Experts Agree on North Korea

Kim Jong Un has the right shaped head to bring about World War Three!

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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4 Ways to Avoid Running Out of Money in Retirement

Number One: If you have a $500,000 portfolio, President Obama done found you, so you might as well skip the other three.

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Fear Keeping Employees From Speaking Up at Work

Hours are now 70 minutes long at factories.

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Sharks No Match for Invasive Lionfish

Lionfish no match for Nessie, Godzilla!

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Dylan Mistaken for George Zimmerman, Yelled at by audience

Dylan: "I used to be Robert Zimmerman!" Begins singing "William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll"

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Protests begin against fracking

Organized group calling themselves "The Dirty Whacking Whackafracks".

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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BLT Killer still on the loose!

Three victims have been found choked to death thus far!

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Myths about high blood pressure

Myth #1 "You can not get it from being high!" Myth #2 "Myth #1 is wrong!"

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Pentagon Denies U.S. About to 'Invade' Egypt

Uh-oh, Invasion of Egypt about to go down!

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Whaling ship launching in Conn. after $7M overhaul

Since whale oil now cheaper than oil, whale breeders say they are ready. Ahab Whale Oil Co. Head list of new companies.

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Police say 2 deaths in Warsaw was apparent suicide murder!

Neighbors heard yelling. Then man killed himself and then turn his gun on his wife.

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Report: Israel led air strike in Syria on July 5

And not the aborigines of Australia as previously thought.

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Snowden documents could be 'worst nightmare' for U.S.: journalist

Some witnesses say he's adding new material all the time. "He's very good in adding new documents." says journalist that got a peek. "Apparently UFO's are real."

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
Rating:

Zimmerman cleared in shooting of Trayvon Martin 2

Many vow revenge. Many more vow revenge on those that seek revenge. Still others agree to avenge avenger's avengers.

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Zimmerman cleared in shooting of Trayvon Martin

Goes into hiding. Martin family try to contact Snowden on Zimmerman's location.

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
Rating:

Nissan to unveil Datsun in cheap-car push

"It's a lot easier to push because it's so small", says dealer. "Two big men should be able to push it."

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Bucks sign OJ Mayo to 3-year, $24 million deal

"That's a lot of Bucks", OJ Mayo tells ESPN.

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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Murray having conquered Wimbedon now hopes to conquer us all

Andy Murray says he will now raise a Scottish Peoples Army and seize control of the British Isles. "Just you wait you southern lackies. We're coming for ya!" cried Murray. British troops are on guard.

written by whatinthe world, 14 July 2013
Rating:

Rocky Mountain High #3

Last November, Colorado voted to legalize the recreational use of marijuana. Yesterday a Sasquatch, high on pot, tore up one who ski sloop and cabin chasing an imaginary Abominable Snowwoman!

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
Rating:

Visitors From Uranus?

Scientists say recent visitors who left crap circles could be from Uranus!

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
Rating:

Rocky Mountain High #2

In November, Colorado voted to legalize the recreational use of marijuana. Several frostbites after group spent two days looking at a rabbit.

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
Rating:

Rocky Mountain High

In November, Colorado voted to legalize the recreational use of marijuana. You should see the weird tracks on the ski slopes. Rubber bumpers on trees called Sonny Bopos.

written by Bureau, 14 July 2013
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