Spoof news snippets from Thursday 31 January 2013
When is volcanic ash an act of God?
Volcanic ashes to ashes is an act of god claimed Ryanair boss Michael O Leary and because he is a self proclaimed "god" and "good samaritan" he is to blame! So pay up you tight sod!
Hold that Camel!
Do-nothing-Dave makes surprise trip to Libya, another late deal with Thomson Dave?
Hundreds of birds have washed up on South Coast, sounds like another TOWIE appreciation society day trip that's gone wrong!
Panda Garden and exercise prove fatal
CLINTON, MO--Edward Garvey figured that 12 hours was enough distance between a Panda Garden meal and a treadmill run. He was wrong.
Boris not amused
"Bleedin' hell, I've got one of them!" cried the Mayor of Greater London, Boris Johnson, after a crafty salesperson tried to sell him a celebrity clock with Johnson's face featured on it. Touche son!
High Speed Rail Network Announced
With a full two decades before implementation however, it will take ages to get here.
First Group have already secured the west coast high speed route. For a fiver.
Kindly Leave Us Alone
Americans are finally coming together in a bipartisan effort to tell liberal and conservative politicians to get their noses out of our lives and their hands out of our pockets!
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore" San Francisco
Super Bowl XLVII played in New Orleans between the Baltimore Ravens and the San Francisco 49ers matches' two Harbaugh brothers coached teams in gridiron rivalry.
The sitting Democratic governor of Maryland, to mark the 139th birthday of Harry Houdini, will reveal how he makes the Transportation Trust Fund money disappear each year in order to raise taxes!
Welcome to the Obama Recession of 2013
Economically clueless Pres. Obama has squelched every endeavor to bring the USA out of the recession of 2008. The presidents's over spending, over taxing & over regulating policies are to blame!
Blue States Will Turn Red
In currently Democratic blue states more & more conservatives are coming out of the closet each election cycle due to the poor economy & liberal pandering. By 2050 people will be asking Barack who?
Don't You Wish it Was True?
There are Alcoholic Anonymous and Gamblers Anonymous chapters in Washington DC. President Obama is starting an Overspending Anonymous chapter, inviting insolvent blue state governors to join!
Get With the Program
King Obama I and his Democratic far left liberals missed the memo about the US Constitution telling the federal government what it can't do, not the government telling citizens what they can't do!
Rabid Liberal Stupidity Run Amok
A number of gun control groups are suing the EPA to force it to regulate ammunition containing lead. The only lead to be gotten out is in the part of their anatomy that members of these groups sit on!
Lest We Forget the Louisiana Purchase
Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-LA) indicated on the Senate floor that the non-entitlement spending problem is a creation of Fox News. The Senator's ObamaCare vote was bought for a $100 Million bribe!
History Repeats Itself
US government approves sale of taxpayer funded A123 Systems to a Chinese company, despite security concerns. Sounds like before WWII, the NAZIs bought the formula for high octane aviation gasoline!
Second Amendment Rights are in the US Constitution
Gun control supporters urge President Obama to use the power of the Executive Branch to go around Congress. These are the same left liberals who cry to the ACLU when their civil rights are violated!
What's the Rush?
LONE RANGER: President Obama wants immigration reform now. TONTO: Kimosabe, the president has taken four years to determine if an oil pipeline between the US and Canada should be built!
Ignore the Disarm America Crowd
In the 1920s and 1930s if African Americans in the US and Jews in Germany had firearms, perhaps the KKK and the NAZIs would have been dispatched earlier.