Spoof news snippets from Friday 18 January 2013
"You want ice with that cobber?"
Here we go again, quote: 'Snow costs UK economy £500m a day'...so that £55m per day we flush down the EU membership crapper is a bargain after all, well I'll be buggered!!
Shake it up baby!
Earthquake tremor felt in Leicester, could not have happened to a nicer place.
Seemingly panic buying has broken out across parts of the country, rotund MP Eric Pickles has so far been forcibly ejected and banned from several leading Supermarkets and Greggs Bakery outlets!
101% off everything!
Retail sales over Christmas disappointing, not for ALDI, Lidl, 99p Shop, Poundland and Primart is wasn't, lower prices & better busines acumen could be the reason for their respective soaring profitS!
Who are you-hoo-hoo?
Tory boy democracy, Dave has dismissed calls for the leader of the UKIP party to be allowed to take part in the next election leaders debate only his two favourites 'Bungo'! Clegg and 'Zippy' Milipeed
Southanpton Boss Nigel Adkins sacked
He is now favorite to be the next Blackpool boss then the following week replace Benetez at Chelsea.
Duke sits entire team out of 2nd half vs. NC State!
Duke University sat thier team on the bench for the 2nd half, in a game that wasn't even close. Even with the extra help, NC State almost lost when NC state player scored in the wrong basket.
Melting ice in Alaska endangers Florida's citrus production
Recent studies from the Florida department of citrus suggest that the melting ice in Alaska is causing the ocean to raise to dangerous levels adding too mach salt to the soil in Florida's farm region.
House GOP introduces bill to test welfare recipients
REP. Mike Simpson, from Idaho, has introduced a bill that would require all people on any form of welfare to submit to a wheat test. Simpson said "Anyone who can afford bread, does not need help!"
Romney shows support for KKK
Mitt Romney speaks out about the importance of raceism in the US and shows support for KKK. "Without raceism howcould Obama achieved what he has?"
Te'oing takes internet by storm!
Manti Te'o's imaginary girlfriend has sparked the new internet craze. Get your camera's ready and snap a shot with you and your imaginary significant other.
President Obama Reinstates Don't ask Don't Tell
Obama, via Executive Order, has reinstated DADT when it comes to doctors asking their patients if they have guns at home. Doctor don't ask patient don't tell!
Chip, Chip, Chip
President Obama has been called a Chicago Democratic politician. No, he's more like a 1950s eastern European Soviet politician, slowly chipping away at US citizen's Constitutional rights!
Obama's Enemies List
LONE RNGER: President Obama has an enemies list just like President Nixon did. TONTO: A lot worse Kimosabe, as anyone who disagrees with Obama is on the list and are derided as special interests!
Hollywood to start filming an epic, costing trillions, entitled Obama the Magnificent. The president's gun violence plan omitted Hollywood movies as having anything to do with gun violence!
President Obama's Mental Health Program
LONE RANGER: Obama wants doctors to ask their patients if they have guns at home. TONTO: Yes my dentist wanted to know if I had an Abrams's Main Battle Tank or an F-22 Raptor Fighter in my basement!