Spoof news snippets from Sunday 3 February 2013
"You pleased to see me?"
Johnny Depp to play mobster Whitey Bulger having previously turned down the role of Ivor Bigun!
One cannot believe it!
A man was tasered and arrested by Police outside Buckingham Palace, it was later discovered to be Phil the Greek in disguise heading for Ali Bongo's kebab cart parked in the Mall, Phil was not happy!
Boarded-up shops in UK = evolution?
Sir Terry Leahy, ex-Tesco boss claims he loves high streets with boarded-up shops! He even claims Darwin is to blame because Tesco's mean evolution and high street shops are devolution!
Man gives his left leg away
A Stoke man has sold his left leg to an Arab oil cartel for 20 billion pounds. "Well, they just wanted, didn't they?" said the owner, Graeme Limbless, "I wasn't going to ask any questions." Righton!
Parliament Find Cost Effect Way to Combat Crime
The Parliament has brought back the Iron Maiden, rack, public stock and public hangings to curb the going crime rate in Britain. While cutting cost of food shelter and clothing for an inmate.
It Still is the Economy Stupid
LONE RANGER: Pres. Obama spent his first term screwing up the US economy. TONTO: Republicans in 2012, concentrating on women's bodies, have given him another term to completely destroy the US economy!
New Regulations for Super Bowl XLVII
OSHA in accordance with King Obama I dictate's has banned tackling, tripping & mandated pillows & bubble wrap be worn by each player. Viewing of reruns of I Love Lucy are expected to be high!
Continuing challenges to ObamaCare with respect to contraception could reach the Supreme Court. Then the whole law will be found unconstitutional (religious liberty), as it has no severability clause.
Chicken Wing Shortage
The mandate by the EPA to produce ethanol has made less corn available for chicken feed, thus less chicken wings. However, the EPA will now provide all the birds killed by windmill blades.
Groundhog Day 2013
Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his burrow in PA this morning. The animal did not see his shadow predicting four more years of failed Obamanomics and he's not coming out again until Feb 2017!
Throwing Their Weight Around
Four 250 pound members of the food police lobbied the USDA to propose new regulations that limit calories and types of snacks sold in school vending machine, in order to reduce childhood obesity!
Obama Administration Naiveté
Vice President Biden says US is prepared to hold direct talks with Iran over its nuclear ambitions, if Iran shows good faith. Fool me once shame, on you; fool me twice, thrice, etc, shame on me!
Iran displayed its newest combat jet, a domestically manufactured fighter-bomber, that is claimed can evade radar and is powered by an Ahmadinejad two stage hot air turbofan engine.
King Obama I Disease is Spreading
A government lawyer is trying to get dismissal of almost $700 in traffic tickets given to USPS employees in Cleveland OH, claiming the service is immune from state and local regulations!
Democratic Palace Politics
House Minority Leader Pelosi [Lucy] pulls the leadership position [football] away from House Minority Whip Hoyer [Charlie Brown] by hinting she will retire at each new session of Congress!
Senator John Kerry's (D-MA) Seat
Governor appoints male African American former chief of staff as interim Senator until special election. Republicans search for an African American, Hispanic woman (Lesbian optional) candidate!
King Obama I Ignores Ruling II
US Appeals Court for Washington DC recognized the absurdity of fining gasoline producers for failing to use a nonexistent biofuel, as mandated by the EPA. Doesn't reduce air pollution either!
King Obama I Ignores Ruling I
EPA raises 2012 mandate of 7 billion gallons of cellulosic biofuels (produced near zero) to 14 billion gallons for 2013. Last week the US Court of Appeals for Washington DC threw out the 2012 mandate.
Terrorists see Obama as a Whimp
Three people are dead in a suicide bombing at US Embassy in Turkey. King Obama I is clueless about the high jacking of the "Arab Spring" and SoS Clinton did a cover up of the Benghazi Embassy attack!
Al Gore Goes into Hiding
UN climate studies indicate heat from the sun may play a larger role in regional impacts on climate change. NASA evidence indicates the "Little Ice Age" was caused by a dip in solar activity.
President Obama has an Economic Policy?
Any relationship to Obamanomics and the DOW Jones Industrial Average breaking 14,000 is purely coincidental!
Modern Roman Debauchery
Nero supposedly fiddled while Rome burned. King Obama I is fiddling with gun control, illegal immigration and climate change, while the US economy and US world leadership are burning!
Federal regulatory agencies need to find new ways to regulate items and people's lives to keep expanding the bureaucracy, otherwise they must close shop! (See Parkinson's laws).
Environmental Whackos Hands in Your Pockets
Latest scam perpetrated to raise state taxes on homes/businesses is rainwater runoff pollution. Yet, the pollutants come from road surfaces (federal, state) and trash being swept into rivers and bays!