Spoof news snippets from Wednesday 27 February 2013
Liverpool's Raheem Sterling has lost his zip
Manager Brendon Rodgers said "It's down to his boutique jeans the zipper is hidden." Stephen Gerrard was able to help with what Rodgers said was "a miracle of dexterity at the cottage upright"
Pilot badger culls to go ahead
The RAF are ready for some tough dogfights with the little fellows who are said to have a fleet of MIG fighters given to them by President Putin.
Ronnie O'Sullivan announces return to snooker
The 'Rocket' served his self-imposed sabbatical in true whirlwind style, taking a years break in only nine months.
Barcelona 0 Real Madrid 3
See - Barca and Lionel Messi are actually human.
UK in turmoil after losing AAA credit rating.
Chancellor George Osborne has looked down the side and back of the settee, but has not found it.
The government have now urged everyone to buy Triple A batteries instead to boost the economy.
MOODY strips UK of Triple A credit rating
That was one hell of a stag night.