Spoof news snippets from Monday 25 February 2013
Britain to be assigned AA rating
I know we drink a lot in this country, but to assign us an AA rating is a bit harsh.
Horse in Ikea meatballs
Ikea have withdrawn their meatballs after horse DNA was found in a batch. Food watchdogs said that this was like bolting the stable door, after building it from flat-pack, obviously.
Cardinal O'Brien resigns
Cardinal O'Brien resigns as Scottish Bishop when it transpires that he once kicked Bishop Brennan up the arse.
Because Birds Are Stupid
A new game has emerged in the wake of Penguins: Spy in the Huddle. "What you do," said TV Watcher, Ben Stiler, "is say 'because penguins are stupid' after everything the present says. It's hilarious."
Swedish giant forced to eat humble "horse pie!"
Swedish furniture giant, Ikea, not only drives their customers horse-mad whilst building their furniture; they also leave them "chomping at the bit" after eating their meatballs!
It's impolite to ask a lady
New politeness rules governing online forms mean that if the Gender Field is filled in with 'Female' then the Date of Birth or Age fields must be removed from the form.
Against All Odds
An IKEA meatball won the third race at Belmont Park yesterday.
You want spare screws with that sir?
IKEA flat packed meatballs withdrawn over Norsemeat fears!
Contaminated Meat Scandal Continues
Traces of cabinet drawers found in IKEA meatballs
Further Pistorious Details Emerge
According to reports Oscar Pistorious wanted a hook on the bathroom door, but his girlfriend was dead against it
Britain's Highest serving Catholic stands down
Keith O'Brien has committed a Cardinal sin.
Catholics to take out middle pages of tabloid newspaper advertising vacancies.