Spoof news snippets from Friday 22 February 2013
Cogito ergo sum non Congressista
Pres. Obama says finding a way to avert sequestration cuts should be a "no-brainer" for Congress. That's crucial because most congressional lawmakers seem to be performing without one.
Next: Ocean Front Property in Arizona
Climate change skeptic Marco Rubio raises $100,000 for "Reclaim America" by selling plastic bottles of Polish spring water from Maine to voters who don't recycle.
Tesco's are forced to check their beefburgers for traces of zebra as customers are confusing the barcode underneath the serving suggestions.
Once, and for All
Rush Limbaugh says that he is officially ashamed of America "for the first time." Poll says majority have been ashamed to admit Limbaugh is an American "for a long time."
Rush Limbaugh says he is ashamed to be American
Americans have been saying that they are ashamed that Limbaugh is a member of the human race for years,
South African Tourism Boost
Thousands of husbands have been booking tours to South Africa, taking their wives with them.
Oscar Pistoris in court
Oscar Pistorius, accused of murdering his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp, was dragged into court today for his bail hearing. It's a shame they took his prosthetic legs off him.
Charles to fight for Queen & country
Carrying a large cannon, HRH Prince Charles has announced that he's off to the war in Afghanistan in order to "knock off a few sambos". The Crown Prince then jumped on board a steamer and left.
Liverpool boss Brendan Rodgers calls for strong finish to season
He doesn't a good enough severance package in place for them not to.
Fed's Bernanke comes out of the closet
In a brief statement from his office in Washington, Chairman of the Federal Reserve, Ben Bernanke, stated, "I affirm my commitment to Basel III -- let's just leave it at that"
Biden gives speech to rally support for gun control
In his speech the Vice President said, "there will be a moral price to pay for inaction." Neil Kinnock in 1988 said verbatim in his run against Margaret Thatcher.
"D'oh!" muttered a Biden spokesman.