Spoof news snippets from Thursday 14 February 2013
Who was that naked masked man?
LONE RANGER: Nancy Pelosi supports a new San Francisco ban on nudity. Identified offenders will be fined $100.
TONTO: How that work? Naked people not carry identification and money, Kemo Sabe!
No Parsley, Thyme, Sage of Omaha
Warren Buffett pays $23.3 billion for Hienz food conglomerate. More bad news for consumers, who Buffett apparently expects to be eating more canned spaghetti sauce, frozen potatoes and TV dinners.
Oscar Pistorius charged with murder
Prosecutors say that he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
Liverpool fans fear Racist abuse at Zenit St Petersburg
However Brendon Rodgers said in his press conference that he has spoken to Luis Suarez and he has promised to behave himself.
South African news say Pistorius may have been drunk at time of shooting
This after reports filed with the court by police state the athletes condition was described as "Legless"
Beating the War Drums
Justin Bieber fans, angered by post-Grammy comments of Black Keys drummer, tweet death threats. Wayne LaPierre decides to follow Bieber online, hoping to find NRA recruits among fans.
Boehner, McConnell: "More Money Bad for Poor People"
For minimum wage increases, top Republicans look to example of Ronald Reagan, who kept it at $3.35 for 8 years, increasing number of Americans in poverty from 26 million to 33 million.
Japan, South Korea Ready Armies After North Korea Nuclear Test
North Koreans forced to cannibalism after tough sanctions following previous missile test ready to take a bite out of Japanese, South Korean armies.
No Punch Line Needed
At the National Wild Turkey Federation's annual show on Thursday, NRA head Wayne LaPierre will deliver a formal response to President Obama's State of the Union Address.
Getting Our Money's Worth
LONE RANGER: John Boehner says employers can't afford a minimum wage hike.
TONTO: Proposed increase 19%. Boehner not aware corporate profit up 19%? Maybe him need to make $7.25 an hour, Kemo Sabe!
Beating a Dead Horse Joke
Forensic analysts surprised to find charred remains of body believed to be former police officer and accused killer Christopher Dorner contains traces of horse meat.