Order by:
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Dr. Oz Back on the Air #8

"When you crap, you sit on a chamber pot and force the poop out. No. Gravity is involved. You need to do the natural thing and hunker down. That way gravity helps. Squat on the top of your commode!"

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Dr. Oz Back on the Air #7

"You want to hear what the stool sounds like when it hits water. If it's a bombardier, you know,'Plop, Plop' that's not right because it means constipation. It should slither in like a submarine."

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #771

According to Snoops: Mickey Rooney says that he has only been married once. "Look at me! Do you really think I could handle more than one woman?"

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #295

According to Snoops: After his death, the crook Al Capone's scar disappeared from his face.

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #790

According to Snoops: In order to save money in this bad economy, the White House has announced that the Chief of Staff will also server as Bottle Washer!

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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N.Korea executions 'ominous sign' of instability: Kerry

And these people were always so peaceful and stable in the past! You just never know.

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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McCain: CIA misled Congress on missing American

Congress admits it misled the President. The President admits he misled Vice President. Biden: I'm OK. I'm never told anything.

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Obama plans 17-day holiday vacation in Hawaii

Congress to take a month off, week before he leaves and week after he comes back. Supreme Court: We'll see you in 2015!

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Saudi Prince Accuses Obama of Indecision.

President: "I can decide! I just don't know which way I will decide yet."

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Ryan Defends Cutting Benefits for Military Retirees

"What did they ever do for us?" A cry of "Bring Back The Bull Moose Party" goes across the land.

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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What happened to Lady Gaga?

She got GooGood by Miley on a Wrecking Ball, Twerking!

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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GOODWIN: How West was lost by selfie president.

"Once upon a time you dressed so fine, didn't you? ...How does it feel? With no direction home...like a complete unknown...like a rolling stone." (B.D.)

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #888

According to Snoops: Before Washington DC became our nation's capital, the first capital of the colonists was at Plymouth Rock.

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #793

According to Snoops: The writer of the song "The Surry With the Fringe On Top" named his first daughter Surry Fringe and her husband told friends that she always wanted to be on top.

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #66

According to Snoops: Early witnesses to public executions always became quiet at the point of death to see if were true if the old guy/gal took anything with them.

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #633

According to Snoops: In Lincoln, Nebraska, there is a doctor named Carl De Doctor.

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Bus brawl caught on camera

As you can see, the buses pull along side by side and open fire immediately as some swing aboard opposing bus with skeleton flag!

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Dr. Oz Back on the Air #6

Green stool can occur with rapid transit through the intestines where bile hasn't broken down to brown color. Green can be a sign of Crohn's disease, ingestion of leafy greens or that you're Popeye!

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
Rating:

Dr. Oz Back on the Air #5

"I've just been told that some of you are or were eating while watching our show. I suggest you blank out the screen and turn the volume off."

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Dr. Oz Back on the Air #4

Red stool is most worrisome as it indicates bleeding in the lower GI tract from conditions like hemorrhoids or diverticulosis, or more serious conditions like a big gay partner! Or you shit a brick."

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Dr. Oz Back On The Air #3

"See all these worms in these feces? That's a sure sign that you have parasites. Look at them squirming around like Miley Cyrus!"

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Dr. Oz Back On The Air #2

"See these little rabbit looking poop? That means the guy or lady has been eating carrots."

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Dr Oz Back on the Air

"We've been out all week collecting piles of human hockey to show you what is healthy!"

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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McCain at Ukraine protests: I'm with you

"Whichever one you are! I don't want anymore time as a prisoner."

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Kerry: Kim Jong Un is 'reckless'

"But in the case of leaders of North Korea, a reckless moderate."

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Heavy snow heading to Northeast

After big cocaine delivery into the Southwest!

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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'Lie of the Year': Why Obama's healthcare claim is a 'winner'

Between politicians over 1,000 nominees but still lose to TV commercials, used car salesmen.

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Miley Cyrus Twerks a Tree

Big monkey in the tree takes the hint. Cyrus in hospital.

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Pope Francis says he is no Marxist

"The Stooges had Groucho and brothers beat by a mile. Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!"

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Pope's crackdown on order alarms traditionalists

Apparently there will be no more Spanish Inquisition! Nobody expected that.

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Kim Jong-un Executes More Victims

This time it's a family that looked like his own! (I didn't think there could be any others with that head.)

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Kim's aunt appears OK after husband's execution

"They just blindfolded me and fired blanks. I could have died from a heart attack."

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Extent of Snowden's Leaks Eludes Feds.

"It's according to how much liquid he consumes, you would think!", says CIA Spokesman.

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Man Breaks Into High School, Goes Wild With Fire Extinguisher; 17 Injured

Nancy Pelosi: "When are we ever going to get the 'Ban The Fire Extinguishers Bill' paused?"

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Sun Activity at Century Low!

It's just hanging out there in the sky, farting around.

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Airport opens private terminal for upscale travelers

It's the old rich versus the poor once again.

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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China bans shellfish imports from US West Coast

And so should we as three-headed fish, octopus with 16 legs come in with nuke waste from Japan.

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Meet the Robot Telemarketer Who Denies She's A Robot

"Does a robot have legs like this? Watch me do Miley Cyrus dance!"

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Ready to take on the world!

BigDog, Cheetah, WildCat and Atlas have joined Google's growing robot menagerie.

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Invasive: Obamacare exchange 'mistakenly debting bank accounts'

Better check your bank accounts first thing Monday morning.

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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BBC's Stargazing Live Returns On 7th January 2014

Brian Cox and Dara O Briain will describe the wonderful sights that can be seen in the night sky. They will then go out into the rain and apologise to viewers about the blanket cloud cover.

written by Swan Morrison, 15 December 2013
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Danica Patrick - The NASCAR Cutey

Danica Patrick has commented that since she hosted the American Country Association Award Show she's had 3,429 marriage proposals.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 December 2013
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That Bloke From Culture Club

Boy George recently said that he has grown up and he now wants to be called Big Boy George.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 December 2013
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Robert Plant And The Lads Had To Start Somewhere

Led Zeppelin was once the opening act for Marie Osmond.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 December 2013
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The NBA Mascot Was Shown The Door

An NBA mascot has been fired after he allegedly molested two cheerleaders and a hot dog vendor.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 December 2013
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The Mean and Heartless Demi Moore

Demi Moore said that she doesn't wish Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis any bad luck but added that if Mila got kidnapped by space aliens that would be fine with her.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 December 2013
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Edward Snowden Alias The File Freak

Edward Snowden's computer files are so extensive that he has photos of Joan Rivers that were taken back before she began looking like a space alien.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 December 2013
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Donald Trump - One Scary Old Fella

Plans for the Donald Trump Bobblehead Doll have been dropped due to the fact that they would end up scarring too many children.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 December 2013
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Angelina Jolie To Have A Procedure

Angelina Jolie is tired of having huge lips and plans to have a lip reduction.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 December 2013
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The Highly Confused Ann Coulter

GOP maven Ann Coulter revealed to her therapist that deep down inside she feels like she's really a Democrat trapped in a Republican's body.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 December 2013
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Rihanna's Ex-Boyfriend Finally Admits He's A Scumbag

Chris Brown is seriously thinking of a getting a tattoo of the letter "L" for Loser.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 December 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #086

According to Snoops: The Japanese invented a time traveling robot last year but lost it somewhere around 2522.

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #882

According to Snoops: The very first cameras that were invented took photographs in black.

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #377

According to Snoops: Most Santas in the malls use fake beards over their real ones after the first lollipop gets stuck!

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Ohio State Football Coach Urban Meyer to Be Executed According to the Terms of His Contract

Due to a clause in his contract that states if Ohio State doesn't place in the BCS Championship Game or at the least the Rose Bowl, Urban Meyer will be executed by lethal injection at the Orange Bowl.

written by Al N., 15 December 2013
Rating:

More Advice From Dr. Oz

"The perfect turd looks just like a Babe Ruth Candy Bar like this one bar here...uhoh. Anyone back there got some handy wipes?"

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
Rating:

Still More Advice From Dr. Oz

"The expression "Bless You" when you sneeze was originally, "Blast You!" because a sneeze carries germs and cause your ass to bleed or turn red."

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
Rating:

More Wisdom From Dr. Oz

"Green, yellow, brown, black shit is all an indication of something deeper. I'm an expert on this. Now I need 4 volunteers from the audience who haven't crapped for awhile."

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
Rating:

Dr. Oz Recommends!

Never completely block your sneezes, especially in class or at a meal. Not only is it harmful to your system, the sudden blockage at one end will produce a loud backfire at the other.

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
Rating:

Kim Jong Un and Tom Hanks in Flame War on Twitter

In news that could have repercussions on a global level, Kim Jong Un and Tom Hanks are engaging in a flame war on social media Twitter. It started when Kim said Hank's movie Philadelphia was "gay."

written by Al N., 15 December 2013
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German Party Clears Way for Merkel 3rd Term.

President Obama Caught Drooling on shirt front!

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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Doc's Latest Advice

"Drinking a lot of water will certainly clean out and flush out your body functions. However, don't overdo a good thing. You might drown.", says Dr. Wing Dang of Beijing

written by Bureau, 15 December 2013
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