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Paula Deen to Start Diet Food Empire With Toronto Mayor Rob Ford

Paula Deen and Rob Ford said they will team up with each other to produce a new food featuring Rob Ford's secret ingredient. It is "guaranteed to make you lose weight and keep coming back for more!"

written by Al N., 10 December 2013
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GREENPEACE: Santa Warns Christmas Will Be Canceled Due To Global Warming.

Record 136 Below Zero in Antarctica. Maybe Santa Clause should switch Poles.

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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China: Smog is good for you

Chinese government says smog also makes you funnier, assists in national defense and gets it's citizens ready for the future.

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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POLICE: Man wielding sword steals several tacos.

Sounds like John Belushi in old Samurai Taco Maker from old SNL!

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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Cops break up family fight over decorating of Christmas tree.

"She wanted all blue bulbs! You ever hear of such a thing? A Christmas tree with all blue bulbs. I hope she dies a hideous death!"

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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GOOGLE Planning Brain Microchip.

"Google good! Google best. You say bad words about google, you die!"

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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INVENTOR: Humans Will Soon Reprogram Biology to Avoid Disease, Aging.

How about fat? You didn't mentioned fat. What about eating cake all day and not getting fat? How about it?

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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The True Facts from Snoops #339

According to Snoops: The Tyrannosaurus Rex ate it's weight in smaller lizards a week and had 400 teeth!

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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True Facts from Snoops #2002

According to Snoops: There has never been an Irish man listed by the name of McNuggets!

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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True Facts from Snoops #339

According to Snoops: Psychiatrists now say that candy cigarettes do not lead kids into smoking, However, they do help lead them into obesity!

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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Obamacare Reveals Another Surprise

One page 3343, paragraph three: "Any U.S. citizen that has Bird Flu will be transferred to a hospital compound in Kansas, surrounded by barbed wire."

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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S. Carolina Bill Would Nullify Obamacare

"If this works", then the whole South may nullify Obamacare", says Ron Paul.

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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White Rats Changing

Scientists say that while studying white rats, they have noticed a change in the past ten years. "Something's going on with the rats. And I don't think it's a good thing for us", says Dr. Elmer Ross.

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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Lesbians Giving Gifts

You would think that lesbians would give each other gifts like flowers or candy, wouldn't you? Well, you'd be wrong. It's a new vibrator.

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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Ex-female back seat driver takes over GM!

The first female CEO ever in the male dominated automobile world has been announced by GM and she was not Genetically Manipulated!

written by Jaggedone, 10 December 2013
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After 42 Repeal Votes And A Shutdown

GOP Senator Wuss Says He Likes A Key Part Of Obamacare!

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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Selena Gomez Curses, Storms Off Stage At Jingle Ball 2013

But it "Tis the season to be jolly! Fa la la la la, la la la la.." (SHADDUP!!)

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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Gifts Kids Will Play with for Years (5 photos)

Number One: Hammer! Number 2: Anvil! 3. Big Rock! 4. Old Car Tire!

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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'CBS Has a Lot to Answer for,' Dan Rather Says of '60 Minutes' Report

"Take it from one who had to answer for all that mess back when I left."

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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FNC's Megyn Kelly To Jay Leno: I Am Not One Of The Opinion Hosts At Fox":

"How about those prejudiced news people on CBS, NBC, ABC, MSNBC, etc.

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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Running is Best for Weight Loss

"That's why I run after all these women", says man arrested in park for the third time. "I hate to see them get all big and fat."

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #760

According to Snoops: Historians say that 4,000 years ago, the Nile in Egypt was with commercial gravy boats. Must have been quite a sight especially for gravy lovers.

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #110

According to Snoops: All brands of coffee creamer have neither coffee nor cream in them.

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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New Gibson Flick!

According to Snoops: Mel Gibson's new movie out in February. Gibson will play Haman (Boooo!) in Queen Esther!

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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SNOWDEN Does it again!

Now threatens to place videos of Clintons, Bushes, Obamas in bedroom scenes!

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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NSA spying on virtual worlds, online games.#2

"Tell that kid in Omaha, Nebraska that he's going to be late for school. If he's tardy, don't blame us, Ms. Wayne of 316 W. Herrington."

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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'Terrorist' could use to communicate secretly.

But, of course, they're going through terrorist exchanges also!

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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NSA spying on virtual worlds, online games.

Also spying on kids drawings on refrigerator, people walking across the street, Thanksgiving dinners, silly people writing snippets.

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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CBO: Bottom 40% of Households Paid -9.1% of Income Taxes?

"Don't know how we'll come up with it this year", says drunk. "I guess we can recycle these old Cracklin' Rose bottles."

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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Bloomberg to Force Flu Vaccines for All NYC Children.

All Amish, Mennonites, Witnesses, Quakers, Jews,others moving out of NYC.

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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Scientists close to developing world's first 'invisibility cloak'.

But having a hard time becoming visible again. "This will slow us down a bit", says voice somewhere in the room.

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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Bette Midler To Play Mae West In HBO Film From Friedkin.

Joe Biden to play W.C. Fields. "Ahhh yes", says VP when questioned. "We're all actors in Washington, anyway."

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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Man jumps to death in mall after girlfriend insists -- on more shopping.

"The key here is to counter by saying, "I'll just sit here by the mall clock and watch the young ladies while you finish."

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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CRITIC: American bourbon overtakes Scottish Whiskey.

However, Homemade Mountain Moonshine can knock them both on their ass!

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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Exercise 'significant role' in reducing risk of dementia.

But if you are running around naked, jogging in the snow to prevent dementia, it's probably too late.

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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VIDEO: NH Dem Refuses To Answer Benghazi Question.

Also, if you see the video, you'll notice that he does not answer in the form of a question!

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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Canada to make territorial claim on North Pole.

Discounting Santa Clause, that makes nine nations in all that are claiming the territory.

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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OBAMACARE open to Wi-Fi Attack!

Now we all know about your "Uncle" Bill and that dog you killed!

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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Cold Discomfort: Antartica set record of -135.8

The next time I complain about -30 degrees below zero, remind me of this fact. But I won't answer because I've frozen to death.

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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Obama greets Cuban strongman with handshake.

"We're making friends with old enemies and forsaking old ones. What are the Castros doing these days?"

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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Walmart to Cut Imports

Walmart has announced that only 90 percent of their products will be from China. The other ten percent will be from Taiwan.

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #809

According to Snoops: Bill Veeck not only sent a midget in to bat for the White Sox, he also sent a transvestite & a Pinhead, although the Pinhead just ran around the ballpark until he was caught.

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #777

According to Snoops: The first person in prison who had to have a rectal stitching-up was Benedict Arnold!

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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True Facts From Snoops #121

According to Snoops: Most ranchers like French and Thousand Island dressing but, in order to keep up tradition, they place the contents in "Ranch Dressing" bottles.

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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Another Prediction

Mayans wrote that Facebook will end by the end of December 2016!

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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Forgiveness

In the spirit of Nelson Mandela, Ian Duncan Smith is forgiving all those people who have died as a result of his policies.

written by j.w., 10 December 2013
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Mandela Mozzarella Paella named after Nelson Mandela

Mandela mozzarella paella will soon be in demand in every Tapas bar in the world. Washed down with Mandela Citronella the cheesy paella is a new dish thought up by Manuel Insertion of Barcelona.

written by Auntie Jean, 10 December 2013
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Lost scripture shows Jesus arrested for turning water into wine at an underage worship

Although all followers escaped, Jesus was still issued a ticket for providing wine to minors even though he stated it was almost Christmas and he's "kind of important" to the holiday.

written by Randy Sandhofer, 10 December 2013
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Frankenfoods: Protect Yourself From Hidden Dangers

FDA says: Buy nothing eatable while overseas nor bring it here. "They are always checking our foods but they eat dogs & horses. Now they're mixing squirrels & skunks. Remember, you are what you eat.

written by Bureau, 10 December 2013
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North Korea Asks Walmart to Help Organize Labor Camps

Kim Jong Un asked Walmart to help organize North Korea's labor camps and sweat shops today, in a new level of cooperation between a despotic Communist country and a domineering American corporation.

written by Al N., 10 December 2013
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