Order by:
Rating:

Massive Fire Threatens San Francisco's Power, Water #2

Governor Jerry Brown out of state to attend New Grateful Dead concert.

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Massive Fire Threatens San Francisco's Power, Water

California Governor Jerry Brown: "What I want to know is what is George Bush going to do about this!"

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Samantha Power in Ireland During Urgent Syria Meeting, Sources Say

"George Bush told me to come here. It's George Bush fault!"

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

STUDY: Birds can tell speed limit on certain roads

Explains all those dead birds from heart attacks always on the ground at Bonneville Salt Flats.

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

At Least Weiner Not Hurt

Anthony Weiner emerges unscathed after a three-car piled up on New York's busy FDR.

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Horse Shit Fight Stopped By Elder

Happens every year about this time. It's really a busy gardening season & I guess the guys need to let off a little steam. Just thankful it wasn't another corncob up the wazzoo! Those can be rough."

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Obsessive/Compulsive Man Finally Caught

"He caused us a lot of trouble and we had to finally bring him down with a dart", says police officer. "Apparently he stepped on a used baby diaper and couldn't get it off his shoe."

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Another Bad day On Wall Street

Twenty-fifth blacksmith shop closed this year. Plus, rumor on the street has it that Cobbler facilities are down 50% from a year ago!

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Meanwhile Back at The Typical Liberal Home

'The tooth fairy left me a dime, Daddy." "And what do we do with that dime?" "Save 5 cents for college fund and send 5 cents to Mr. Obama." "That's my good girl."

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

More Government Closures

The Mail Service Smoke Signals in Arizona, Utah and 8 other states will stop at the end of the year.

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Bugging Thing Not All Bad

Every day my drawer says, "Time to change your underpants, Rand Paul. "I wrapped an old dirty pair around it a month ago. I wonder if they get tired of listening in to that?"

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Earthquake Shakes Mount Rushmore

Washington's nose falls off. "The worst sign possible", says old hag with wart on her own nose. "With Washington's Falling Nose, Comes the Time of the Close!" Hee Hee I just now made that up!"

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Julia Child WWII Report from Snowden

"Tripped boy carrying hot soup that hits Hitler in the face. It just steamed off. Poor kid. Cost of war, I guess."

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Man Denies Undressing Barbie Doll

For the 100th time while the kids were outside playing. "I think the thing is haunted!"

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Butane and Other Startling Ingredients Not Listed On The McDonald's Menu

Dimethylpolysiloxane? "A polymer of silicone used especially in pharmaceutical & cosmetic preparations." The purpose stated on McDonald's nutrition page is an anti-foaming agent, so fries don't foam.

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

America Gets Setback

As hacked drone plane rams into Washington DC Think Tank. One survivor tells reporters, "I never thought they'd think of the Think Tank."

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Present Obama First Person Arrested After Stop Eating Junk Law Passed

"I told Michelle to leave that business alone! I'll still hold my head up high. Some of you guys guide me."

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Atlanta Braves Hold "Any Adult Can Pitch Tonight"

As the Houston Astros pay a visit Turner Field!

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Tuesday On "The View"

The table sisters interview "Priests who are invisible on all the cameras after an accident." Will they appear? Have they already been on but, couldn't be seen?

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Monday On The View!

Tha gang around the table interview "People Who Always Say "Moanback, You got plenty of room to backer up."

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Singer Linda Ronstadt has Parkinson's Disease

"Can't sing 'Poor, Poor Pitiful Me!' she jokes with reporter.

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Jersey Man issued DUI ticket taken to jail!

"See this knife? I'll show you how soober I am by throwing it and hitting that knot on that tree. "That's a lamp post, Sir. Plus I am over here. Turn slowly in this direction and drop the knife."

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Affleck as Batman? | It might work!

Especially if it is an animated version!

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Workers strike at world's largest radio telescope

"If you heard what we just heard from space, you'd strike too! Strike out home to be with my loved ones", says employee.

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Street Man Really Down

"I paid more money for that cap upturned on the sidewalk than walkers-by have put in it all day."

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

US arrests man 'with uranium for Iran in shoes'

"People say I'm crazy. I got uranium in the soles of my shoes.
Well that's one way to lose these walking blues. I got uranium in the soles of my shoes."

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Putin Bans Demonstrations At Winter Olympics.

Will the United States and other western countries ban teams from going there?

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Churches changing bylaws after gay marriage ruling

They need to be sure that they change their Bibles also. Or do the by-laws supersede the Bible?

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

IRS targeting veterans' organization

Better watch out. Vets have a lot of experience in gorilla warfare. 90% Americans Like Vets. 90% hate the IRS!

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

NSA Employees Eavesdropped on Love Interests, Significant Others

Ex-Employee says it was like they had their own soap opera every day.

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

New Policy Warns Border Agents Not to Detain Illegal Immigrant Parents

"And be sure that you arm them because they may have to defend themselves from the IRA people."

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

'Daily Fail' have new evidence in Diana case

The paper now claims that Diana was murdered as part of a plot by Romanian Gypsies to take over Britain. It repeated it call, first made in 1938, for all gypsies to be put in a camp and executed.

written by John_L, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Harry Reid Makes A Discovery

"Someone has been rerouting billings from House to Senate for years. No wonder they are only half as much in debt as we are."

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Local Ronald McDonald Fired

After wearing button, "Laughs A Bitch!" button for a week.

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Hope It Doesn't Ruin Any Wedding Nights

Old Arkansas couple go down to rundown motel at edge of town for their fun. "We spot a couple sneaking in & we stay next door where we shake the bed & groan & moan for hours! It sure shakes them up!"

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

...splish splash.

British Olympic balcony flinging team may be disqualified after one member found dead in the sea off Ibiza instead of splattered on the pavement...Olympic Committee deliberating.

written by Herrdoktorfox, 24 August 2013
Rating:

"Take five....or six!"

Tulisa was on suicide watch after her arrest....quite obviously the guard never had a tea break poor sod.

written by Herrdoktorfox, 24 August 2013
Rating:

It's A Different World

Most people today communicate by cellphone or emails I guess. So at most family & friends get-together, we have to wear name tags so that we can recognize each other. -I.M. Moleturd from Rooters.

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

PETA Protesting Police For 4th Day! #5

"We have proof", says leader. "Listen: "So we may as well quit that one. No use beating a dead horse." "See! They have beaten a poor old horse to death & were still at it when Captain made them quit."

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

PETA Protests Against Police Continues #4

"Now we overheard them talking about badgering us to death. They can't do that. A true animal lover cannot defend himself against a badger. Are they using badgers now instead of police dogs?"

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Writer of "Blonde" in Trouble

"It's really hard working the "terrorists" into the funny pages, especially Dagwood and Blonde. Maybe I'll have Mr. Dithers blown up in his office or that mailman Bumstead runs into being al-Qaeda?"

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Male Model Wakes Up From 20-Year Coma #2

Looks into mirror and sees he now looks like Floyd the Barber. "I'm going back into my coma now."

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Male Model Wakes Up From 20-Year Coma

On the first day he looks out hospital windows and see young men wearing pants halfway down their ass and goes back to bed.

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

PETA Protests Police! #3

The PETA organization have filed a protest of city police after hidden microphone reveals Captain saying, "We're going to dispose of this nest of vipers!"

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

PETA Protests Police #2

After police Captain explains to reporters that they have been chasing after some red herrings.

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

PETA Protests Police!

After police officers caught on video while on a wild goose chase!

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Transgender death possible hate crime

If killers hate crime so much why do they keep committing them? Duhhh!

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Wildfire: Emergency for San Francisco

This is bad. All the old flower children are now old dried up weeds.

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

U.S. prepares for quick Syria response

After Obama, Bush, Clinton, Nuther Bush, Carter...I really dread the next one in the Oval Office. He/She's gotta be pretty dumb. We are NOT the world's police force. Send them some drones.

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Peace Activist Admits He Owns 12 Guns!

"I'm just doing my part in keeping these guns from falling into the wrong hands.!"

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Winner of Ten Million Lottery Sues Lottery!

After he shits and goes blind when his winning numbers came up!

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Judge Rules Against GM's New Air Car

"But your Honor, we're only asking $3,000! An Eric Clapton autographed air guitar would bring twice that amount."

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Affleck as Batman? Fans outraged!

Affleck: Hold on till you see a preview. We got Whoopee Goldberg to play Robin!"

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Acupuncture patient calls 911 after being left pinned in clinic

"I felt like a pincushion. Wait until my lawyer pins their ears back. They won't do it again!"

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Huge Crowds of the Poor Forming in Front of Banks

Homeless Man Robs Bank Of $1, Waits For Police In Attempt To Get Healthcare.

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Online doctor visits

"Where we...uh..doctor can download everything you can tell them about problems and we....they can answer for a smaller fee", says President.

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

U.S. Warships headed toward Syria?

"At least they're not sending those awful cruise ships", says Assad!

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

BLOOMBERG: Take fewer bathroom breaks!

"Or have all your employees wear adult diapers. Less breaks, more output. If astronauts wear them, so can you. I must leave now and change mine. I guess that wasn't just a fart."

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

NSA Paid Googlefacebook Millions To Spy on Taxpayers...

"Then we were hacked and we received over 100,000 moonings sent to us from home computers."

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

Styles Mum styles son

Harry Styles is well known as a singer with the internationally successful pop band One Direction. But his mother has not seen him in 6 months and has begun building a replacement son out of Marmite.

written by CaptainSausage, 24 August 2013
Rating:

50,000 abandoned dogs roaming streets of Detroit in packs

Almost as vicious as the street gangs!

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
Rating:

15 people show up at Bloomberg anti-gun rally

That's 10 more than last year! "Up 200%", says Mayor!

written by Bureau, 24 August 2013
« Jul 2013 August 2013 Sep 2013 »
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55
2nd
48
3rd
42
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5th
57
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55
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83
8th
40
9th
45
10th
57
11th
43
12th
71
13th
61
14th
72
15th
40
16th
85
17th
50
18th
53
19th
66
20th
69
21st
45
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