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Rating:

Al-Qaeda Celebration Over Some Victory

Whatever it was & wherever it was they certainly celebrated by tearing clothes, knocking down their own houses & shot each other dead. "I'll never understand these people: Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama."

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

A Mysterious Rise in the Number of Dolphin Deaths

Scientists can't explain it but, television evangelist Pat Robertson blames gay marriage. He says that every time two gay people say I do, Jesus kills another dolphin.

written by Geraldo O'Reilly, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Group of Illegal Immigrant Nudists Say They Are victims of Prejudice

All nine Supreme Court Judges agree but ask them to come back tomorrow and the next day to allow discussion and final ruling.

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

OJ Simpson Caught Trying To Dig His Way Out of Prison

"We'll catch the sorry sucker who snuck in that backhoe", promises prison warden!

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Local Man Ponders Leap to High-Tech Nose Hair Clippers

"I'm going to do it", says local man, Art Lee. "It may pull like crazy but I'm tired of singling out one hair to cut with scissors." "You're a wild man, Art", says girlfriend for the past ten years.

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

It's Death & Taxes Again

The Treasury Department say that should a cure be found and Walt Disney's head come back to life, they have a few questions about his bank account and some deductions he took in the 1960's.

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

President To Turn Rose Garden Into Miniature Golf Course

"We can keep growing the roses around the little windmill and all around the borders. It'll be fun plus it will still smell good."

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Haunted House at the End of Long Side Road Lonely

"Stupid fire department has put out every fire I've tried to set and now the stupid rat done pissed on the matches!"

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

US Deeply in Debt!

Government Auditors discover that Bernanke forgot to carry the 'one'. We are actually in debt over 160 Trillion Dollars!

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Local Man Learns Ventriloquism!

"I use the old rolled up sock in my pants and if my blind date turns up ugly, big boy down there begins to take nasty!"

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

President May Cut Out H.S. Bands

"These are hard times & we must make some hard decisions", stated Obama. "But we would save billions in gas without busing the bands plus we could put in local golf courses for all students alike!"

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

ObamaCare Hits Family Hard!

"We're pooling all our funds and betting on "Surefire" in the third at Churchill Downs", says father. "If we lose, we head for the welfare line. It must be a mile long by now."

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

White House Scandal Stratedgy

"What we do is have them pile up, releasing one at a time, and keep them off guard", President tells Democratic leaders.

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Ne'r Even Ben Thar!

Eastern Kentucky family facing audit say they ne'r even ben to no Taxes. "But we heres shes a biggun! Ole Dave Crocker done died thar!"

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Man With Huge Ass Can't Take A Joke

"You call me that one more time and I'm going to lap-dance you to death!"

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

What other secrets does Edward Snowden have to spill?

It's probably you and those calls you placed to your "Cousin" in Idaho!

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

U.S. 'deeply concerned' about reports of chemical weapons attack in Syria

"That's definitely a 'No! No!'", the President stated this morning. "Either they must stop or i'll lift my nose higher!" Nothing yet said about all Christians massacred in Egypt.

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Gay Reporter Kicked Off Russian TV After Protesting Anti-Gay Law

Sentenced to ten years of hard neighbor!

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Government program to subsidize pot for poor patients stalled

After pot farm catches on fire and whole town nearby evacuated while laughing hysterically!

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Surveillance Screw-Up Has Police Arresting FBI Agent!

Just as he was closing in on suspected terrorist who turned out to be from the CIA.

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Police adding 'portable' surveillance cameras on most streets

Police in 54 countries now say they have a right to bug random vehicles in order to protect you!

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Shock Claim: Obama's brother linked to Muslim Brotherhood

"Could be", says President. "Dad sure got around didn't he?"

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Yep! It's Lindsay Lohan Again

This time a couple from Potunka, South Carolina say she took gensing money that they had been saving up for their kid to have some shoes. They recognized her on "that there TV Enertanemint Thang".

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

New Reality Show

Ten couples from the Mormons have beaten the Amish on "Who Will Get Pregnant First Reality Show", 3-2! The Mormons will take on the Catholic/Sailor group next week. Be sure to tune in!

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Mall Announcer: Attention Please!

"There's a 'Special Person' of limited IQ taking a whiz in the penny pool. If you are family or friend, would you help our security people out?"

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Local Man Lauded By Many Still Single

But the poor good-looking slob is a doctor, has never taken drugs, been drunk, still a virgin and never used bad language so what woman could put up with all that?

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Google Seeks Sex Experts For New Help Service

Google to launch SexHelp, through which frustrated housewives and horny men can offer advice to other frustrated housewives and horny men for free or a fee via online video.

written by Moose, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Christie heads to the Hamptons to woo GOP elite

Eat, play a little miniature golf, eat, throw some horseshoes, eat.

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

China to fine people who 'miss their mark' at public toilets #2

"Designated "Aimers" will be placed outside public toilets should you be drunk or have palsy!"

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

China to fine people who 'miss their mark' at public toilets

"Citizens of China, please get a hold of yourselves!"

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Massive Radiation Leak at Fukushima #3

Japan warns the world that Godzilla now 500-foot tall with three heads!

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Massive Radiation Leak at Fukushima #2

Record 20-pound seahorse caught by Japanese fisherman.

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Massive Radiation Leak at Fukushima

Official reports that if leaks continue at Fukushima, "We're All Fuked!"

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Cameron A Real Man

David Cameron has asked people to compare himfavourably to Putin as the most macho man on earth.

written by j.w., 21 August 2013
Rating:

Viagra To Sue Cable Television

If they go ahead and allow a "24-Hour Penis Perker" Channel.

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Russia Acts

Russia is summoning the UN to slam the UK over Human Rights denial to Barazilian

written by j.w., 21 August 2013
Rating:

UPS to drop 15,000 spouses from insurance, cites Obamacare

Also, all drug companies to double drug prices if they have to practically give away others!

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

23% of German Men Say 'Zero' Is Ideal Family Size

"I'd do away with myself first and then I'd take out the old lady!"

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

"Bored out of his mind"

Worker at nuclear facilities blows up half the world!!

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Toxic Tide Worries Residents, Scientists On Long Island

Especially worries those few residents who are still alive.

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Welfare pays more than a minimum-wage job in 35 states

Unemployment jumps another ten percent!

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Clown Who Lost Job Over Obama Mask Sues President

"My company made me wear that ugly puss to begin with!"

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Homeland Security tests face-scanning BOSS -- the Biometric Optical Surveillance System

Totally confused after scanning reveals over 300 clowns with Obama faces!

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

WSJ: 'Retains content of emails between citizens, domestic phone calls made via Internet'...

K-i-s-s m-y a-s-s!! Got that one??

written by Bureau, 21 August 2013
Rating:

Anti Bully Bullying Law Passed in Texas

A former San Antonio teacher accused of directing kindergartners to hit a classmate for being a bully has resulted in new legislation, outlawing bullying of bullies.

written by Moose, 21 August 2013
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