Order by:
Rating:

Hezbollah leader slams Israel in rare public speech

"Usually we have no problems with the Jews. But I do want to make it clear that I hope they all die soon, like tomorrow. But until then, "Mazel tov"."

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Weiner says he is '100 percent not' sexting anyone right now

"I am not sexting anybody right now", Weiner tells staff. "No. right NOW! No. OK, not right NOW!"

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Study: Record Number 21 Million Young Adults Living With Parents

Five million parents are living with grandparents. "Good-Night John Boy!!

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Clients drop $180 for bird poop facials at NYC spa

"Junie Marie, we got us a fortune on them three old cars out back set up on blocks!!"

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

TODD STARNES: Agents raid animal shelter, kill deer named "Giggles"

"Probably laughed at the wrong time", says shelter worker.

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Indian doctors discharge baby with swollen head

How so many Indian Doctors who have swollen heads came to help this one child, is still a mystery.

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

L.A. priest molested over 100 boys, file says

f the Pope won't judge them, turn them over to us", say parents of boys.

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Benghazi Witnesses Forced Into Silence?

"I was told by FBI that I could stay silent now or stay silent forever."

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Beatles Remind Me Of Amish

John Lennon's widow Yoko got her eyes set on Ringo. Eric Clapton eyeballing Heather Mills. Paul seen with Barbara Bach.

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Kerry says U.S., others working to bring Egypt parties together

"Why not have one big fight, winner take all, and get it over with?"

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Japan's Aso refuses to resign over Nazi comment

"It came from our Aso. He speaks for itself...himself."

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Mali presidential race goes to runoff

"They eat too much", say locals. "they got the 'Green Apple Nasties!"

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Bob Schieffer: U.S. situation with Russia over Snowden is a "high school" scenario

Why do they think we're sending Joe Biden?

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Your TV might be watching you

"Hello Caldwells. Quite a time you had on the couch last night! Hit 'Replay" on your remote."

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Happy hour ... at the supermarket!

"The only thing about having those Two-Buck Chucks is that the next day you discover that you half bought 50 frozen turkeys."

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

The queen's secret WWIII speech

Queen's video begins with: "Now that 95% of us are all dead..."

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Liza Minelli May Be Getting Married Again

This time it is to an unknown 32-year-old male who's never been married, named "Steele Pullen."

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

FDA issues 'gluten-free' labeling rule

"From now on, if it says gluten-free there has to be no gluten in it', says FDA Directer. "We're cracking down."

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Italy's Berlusconi sentenced to prison

"Just don't put me in the cell with Willie the Enforcer!"

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Gay athletes stand up to Russia

Putin: "Put those things back in your pants before I shame all of you!"

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

NYC woman on date falls 16 stories

Woman on street: "Must have been quite a date. She's fallen for him hard" in typical NYC dark humor.

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Massive geyser puts on surprise show

Joe Biden: How old is the old geyser and where is he putting on his show?"

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Kerry signals end of drone strikes

"Once that one that just zipped by looking for Snowden."

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Sunday, in Brazil, Pope Francis said it was not his job to judge gays.

However, he did say that he had no idea how that one topless lady near the lifeguard station could stand up straight. "I thought I could judge gravity until then."

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Joe Biden Picks Half Soup and Salad at DC Restaurant

Also picks at really dug-in ear wax with salad fork, toothpick.

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Iran's new president calls Israel an 'old wound'

President calls new Iran's new President an "Old Fart"!

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Edward Snowden Now Permanent Citizen of Russia.

He says he now knows how the Russian computers work. He will be staying at the Hotel California!

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Colin Powell reportedly had interracial affair

For the sake of race relations, Sexretary of State Colin Powell reportedly had an affair with Romania's blonde bombshell, "diplomat" Corina Cretu. "We were intimate," he admits, "but never got naked."

written by Gee Pee, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Seattle seeks ban on 'potentially offensive' language, like 'citizen' and 'brown bag'

All totaled it would include over 200,000 words like "red, yellow, white, black, green, poor, wrinkled, weener.

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Monica Lewinsky sex tape?

The National Enquirer claims to have unearthed a sex tape in which Monica Lewinsky issues President Clinton an invitation to the "Orifice Orifice," where she will allow him "executive privileges."

written by Gee Pee, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Seattle bans use of "offensive" language

Seattle officials banned "hate speech" as offensive and "dangerous," outlawing the use, in government documents, of such "incendiary" terms as "conservative," "Republican," "democracy," and "freedom."

written by Gee Pee, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Rise in violence 'linked to climate change'...

Al Gore: "See. I tried to tell....tell you...WILL YOU ALL SHADDUP AND LISTEN! Makes me soooo mad. Sorry folks. That was the global warming shouting!"

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

OHIO: Health premiums to soar.

Georgia: We're looking for a 200% increase here. Well, actually 198%. At least I want to tell the truth.

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Cop snaps "personal" photo of George Zimmerman

During a recent traffic stop "for no reason," a Horny, Texass cop snapped a "candid" photo of George Zimmerman. The cop also reportedly bought him flowers and asked him for a date.

written by Gee Pee, 02 August 2013
Rating:

President: I Misspoke

President Obama explains that he misspoke. "It's not the upper 5% that will pay for government taxes and health care but 50%. Had the decimal in wrong place."

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Congressional employees' health care to be paid by taxpayors

Public will will pay 75% of premiums. Congressional employees will also be exempt from Obamacare. That's nearly 100 billion exemptions thus far.

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Obama adopts isolationist policy

On the pretext of protecting American embassies from Benghazi-type attacks, President Obama is closing embassies across the globe. "With falling ratings, I don't need more phony scandals," he said.

written by Gee Pee, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Jennifer Aniston stuns Chelsea Handler

During an interview with bosom buddy Chelsea Handler, Jennifer Aniston stunned the comedienne, telling her that journalist Katie Couric is "illegitimate," which makes "her both a bitch and a bastard."

written by Gee Pee, 02 August 2013
Rating:

953,000 Jobs Created In 2013; 731,000 Are Part-Time.

Those entering college told that they should take Two Majors!

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Eye-Popping NSA Report

Ex-President Bill Clinton's looking elsewhere for action may be from fact that Hilary is a transvestite.

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Report Revealed By Snowden

According to information received, NSA agents have mistakenly bugged each other and recorded law-breaking incidents.

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Precautions Taken

West Nile Virus near President's favorite vacation area apparently has left area. Never-the-less, barbed wired wall constructed to keep it out.

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

West Nile Virus Detected Near Obama Vineyard Vacation Home...

Virus said to be one "Helena Virus". Claims she's from the East Nile Region. Tourists allowed in so that one of them may come down with it and President can come back.

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

President's birthday...

U.S. Government orders all pressure cooking hold off for another day. Thank you.

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Late Deal anyone?

Australia sends first batch of illegal immigrants to Papua New Guinea for processing under new tough immigration laws to deter people smuggling....why not send our lot to the Falklands Dave?

written by Herrdoktorfox, 02 August 2013
Rating:

"Gercha!!"

Illegal immigrant raids across the UK: Nearly 140 'arrested' after police raid 'Operation King Canute'...well done chaps only another 20 million to go!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Face of the Mets' Future

If Ike Davis corrects his timing, listens to his coaches and takes extra batting practice, he could develop into the next Jason Bay.

written by Michael Balton, 02 August 2013
Rating:

Airport Employee Lower Than Weiner

Airport search leader admits that he started the rumor that there might be a female suppository bomber flying out of their airport.

written by Bureau, 02 August 2013
« Jul 2013 August 2013 Sep 2013 »
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