Spoof news snippets from Friday 12 April 2013
Question of the week: Is Simon gay? Question of the Month: Who gives a right f**k?
The question of whether or not Simon Cowell is gay may not be answered any time soon as the question of whether anyone gives a right fuck is much easier to answer.
"Michelle Hon, Can You Move A Little To The Left Please"
President Obama recently confessed that he enjoys his teleprompters so much that he has even had one installed in his bedroom.
Another Big Foot Sighting?
Wyoming officials say the giant size 18 footprints campers came across a few days ago were not made by Big Foot but by Happy, the Shrine Circus fat lady who recently picnicked in the Wyoming woods.
KIA's Rhythmic Recall
KIA is recalling 400,000 KIA Magna Carta's that were built in 2011. It seems that if the car should hit speeds of 50 miles per hour the windshield wipers could completely fly off the windshield.
Earthquakes Have Now Joined Hurricane Status
The U.S. Meteorological Society has announced that effective immediately earthquakes like hurricanes will now have names. The first six names are Alonso, Betty, Cordelia, DeKeysha, Elmer, and Fifi.
Montana Approves A Roadkill Bill
Lawmakers in Helena, Montana have voted to allow residents to salvage meat from wild animals killed on the states highways. One senator stated that this falls under Montana's 55 Second Rule.
From The Lips of Governor Jan "The Traditionalist" Brewer
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer has said that if women want to marry other women then it is only right that one of them be required to wear the pants.
Massachusetts - The Hands On State
The state of Massachusetts has just banned the gesture known as high-fiving. They stated that it could lead to low-fiving, which could then lead to...well you-know-what.
The Astounding Planet Mercury
After years of extensive studies, scientists report that the planet Mercury is actually made up of 71 percent mercury.
A Ketchup Recall
The Big Red Mater Ketchup Company, which is based in Atlanta, is recalling over 800,000 bottles of ketchup due to the fact that they may contain slight traces of mustard.
Minnesota Teacher Fired For Drawing Pornographic Stick People
Lola Belle Prinski, a St. Paul, Minnesota teacher stated she was just trying to visually demonstrate to her second graders the art of safe sex.
Facebook 'Like' Patent broken by Prior Art
Facebook's patented Like button has had the patent broken when Prior Art was found. "Apparently, Tommy Cooper did it first," said Stephen Hawkins. "He said he 'Like that' and 'Not like that'."