Spoof news snippets from Thursday 6 September 2012
A US girl who has caught the bubonic plague got it off a dead squirrel. Dam Americans they'll eat anything.
A spider has been found with nine legs. Perhaps it has eight and an extra large member.You read it here LIVE!!!!!!!!!!
What is Hoomananwanui?
It's the sound of Bill Belichick laughing at sportscasters trying to pronounce the name of his football player.
Red Sox Manager Checks Out!
Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine has checked out--at the local supermarket at ten items or less line. He had 11 items and threatened to punch the store manager in the mouth when he was stopped.
Miracle in Charlotte?
God sets foot on Democratic platform, crushes delegates.
Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 129
Anne C. Pants
More than 1,300 immigrants a day flood into the UK
Half a million immigrants flooded into the UK last year, shock new figures reveal.
"Well it's no surprise to me!"
Unemployed kids to be forced to work for nothing!
Claimants aged 18 to 24 will be denied Jobseeker's Allowance if they refuse to do work experience.
Then the NHS will suffer when they all get imaginary illnesses!
Cricketer Andrew Strauss to become MP?
Why, is he greedy, a nepotist, or an egomaniac?
If so, he'll do fine!
3,100 written complaints against the NHS every week!
There might of been more if more people knew how to write!
Letters to Whitehall and Number 10 Downing?
"No man is a sailor if he can't take a joke?" Just like Doctors in movies like M*A*S*H who can't take ENNEMA's but give them out like Carter has pills?
To hell and back?
If kids can't work on their family's farm then how would guys like Audey Murphy get to dig latrines for Uncle Sam and the ARMY? Let alone spread it around unless of course it's the funny farm ?
If kids can't work on their family farms then how will Lawyers like Mr.Douglas(Eddie Albert) and his wife(EVA GABOR)ever leave New York and the crap of Manhattan for the Manure of Hooterville?
I cut a fart in the aisles of old walmart!
I was at a local WALMART store in San Jacinto when I farted as I reached for a pack of WhiteCloud toilet tissue," and I sang out"I cut a fart in San Jacinto," because I don't think Frisco had WALMART?
Down on the farm
They say the president doesn't want children to work on their families farm? I say " You ever milk a " BULL's -UDDER?" Talk about a MAD COW ?
23 Million Americans Want to Know:
Mr. President, what is this "middle class" you speak of?
Political Red Meat Served
With all the Democrats now in Charlotte NC for the convention, a downtown restaurant has faux roast donkey on its menu. It seems all the male delegates are looking for a piece of ass!
He Meant Illegal Immigrants Education
Maryland's governor spoke at the Democratic convention about not cutting education funding. He would raise taxes again in 2013 so parents won't be able to afford sending their own children to college!
More Democratic Deficit Spending
President Obama asks China for a loan to fund the last two months of his presidential campaign after the Republican National Committee turned him down!
President Obama's nomination acceptance speech is being moved to a smaller venue because of "problems filling the seats" and lead balloons being discovered in the rafters of the original arena.
Pending Court Case
Upstate New York strip club claims nude lap dances are an art form and should be exempt from state taxes. The New York State tax department is looking to raise more hard currency!
LONE RANGER: The Democratic Party claims that DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Shultz's (D-FL) Pinocchio moments are due to the Florida Sun. TONTO: Can't be as she sits on what little brains she has!
Don't Be Left Behind
Have you or a loved one used rough toilet paper and suffered injury? You may be entitled to compensation. Please call the law offices of Poop and Poop at 800-TKA-CRAP for a free consultation.
The Biden Effect
LONE RANGER: Have you ever discriminated against someone? TONTO: I have not, except since encountering Democratic Vice President Joe Biden I have become anti-moron!