Spoof news snippets from Tuesday 4 September 2012
Big Ben to change its tune
After extensive research, it has been shown that the BONG! BONG! BONG! of Big Ben is a secret advert for drug paraphernalia. For this reason, the tone will be changed to say "BOOM! BADA! BING!"
Annie Lennox is related to the Queen
After appearing on the BBC's genealogy program Annie Lennox has discovered she is a third cousin of the Queen. In her honour, the show has been renamed Who Does One Think One Is.
In Milton Keynes Today…
A girl stepped on a frog in the Park. She took it home and wrapped it in a pillow case. The next day the frog turned into a handsome prince - she couldn't believe it and neither could her parents!
Ronaldo retires because he is sad (and pathetic)!
Cristiano Ronaldo is depressed (AAAHH) because he knows he will never be Numero Uno unless Lionel Messi dies, so he's retiring. He is going to Calcutta to become Mother Teresa Numero dos! Bueno Dios!
Tory Cabinet Reshuffle Required Because…
Politicians and nappies should be changed often and for the same reason.
Campaigners from past haunt Republicans
The Republican Convention in Tampa, Florida was remarkable for the sudden appearance of old campaigners John Dewey and Barry Goldwater. Both defeated in their presidential campaigns. Good on you guys.
Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 127
Bobby Valentine's Breakfast with Red Sox Owner
According to witnesses, Valentine ate crow, and owner John Henry had cream puffs that he threw at his manager.
80,000 Paralympic crowd Boo Osborne!
Come on... some of them must have voted Conservative - a bit like at the end of the war, could you find a Nazi supporter?
Pistorius is pissed!
Oscar Pistorius the "Blade Runner" is angry that a Brazilian was using stilts. The Brazilian says that he has only just bought them for his day job - picking apples.
Clegg's Tax on Rich Rejected by Osborne!
Well who would have believed it!
MPs are earning up 13 times their salary taking on 2nd jobs!
"Oh... I am pleased for them..."
Mitt Romney Plays Ball with Barack Obama
After President Obama compared himself to the Miami Heat, Mitt Romney told an audience he was named after a baseball glove.