There were 365 spoof news snippets published in September 2012. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.

Order by:
Rating:

Student couldn't care less if called Mike or Michael

LANGHORNE, PA--Neshaminy High School sophomore Michael Bellamy didn't really care if his English teacher Mr. Comeau called him Mike or Michael, but chose Mike because it has fewer syllables.

written by rvler9201, 19 September 2012
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Kate's task

Keeping abreast of the news

written by j.w., 15 September 2012
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Man tweets #Occupy for old time's sake

NEW YORK, NY--Paul Easthouse tweeted #Occupy today to mark the movement's one-year anniversary, then after looking at the tweet and sighing heavily, returned to his life of corporate enslavement.

written by rvler9201, 18 September 2012
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Big Ben to change its tune

After extensive research, it has been shown that the BONG! BONG! BONG! of Big Ben is a secret advert for drug paraphernalia. For this reason, the tone will be changed to say "BOOM! BADA! BING!"

written by IainB, 04 September 2012
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Greek Waiter Becomes National Hero When He Protects Protesters

Business sucks. The guy hasn't been able to insult anyone all week.

written by mikewadestr, 30 September 2012
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Obama goes AWOl!

President Obama has gone AWOl because he hasn't moved a thing in 4 years and is sick of his own rhetoric so he decided to follow Dr. Livingstone and if you want to know where he is, ask Stanley!

written by Jaggedone, 07 September 2012
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New Japanese/Taiwanese theme park to open: Senkaku Islands

A Japanese and Taiwanese capitalist is seizing the moment created by tensions between the two nations over island disputes. "Naval ships will fire water at each other while kids ride between them!"

written by Lyndon, 25 September 2012
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Boston Red Sox For Sale?

Fans have been scouring eBay for the listing. We suspect price of the team will include free shipping.

written by Ossurworld, 13 September 2012
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New Digital Weather Channel

The Weather Channel are to launch a new TV Channel called The Weather Channel+1 so people can see what the weather was like an hour ago.

written by IainB, 20 September 2012
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Prince Harry deployed to Afghanistan

To atone for naked pictures, claims Taliban!

"You never know..."

written by Inchcock, 10 September 2012
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Perverting the Course of Justice

Yorkshire Police are teaching students of criminal law how to deal with those who pervert the course of justice. The Sun will be assisting.

written by j.w., 12 September 2012
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French Gendarmerie look into naked royal photos

Inspector Clouseau to inspect Closer magazine.

written by radiogagger, 14 September 2012
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Nick Clegg student fees apology goes viral

Now he's a POKE as well as a joke.

written by radiogagger, 25 September 2012
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Spoof Snippet goes missing!

A recently written snippet disappeared today. Investigators believe it was not funny enough and was deleted by the writer.

written by radiogagger, 22 September 2012
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US Drone Obliterates Scottish Pipe Band

And a bee hive.

written by Skoob1999, 13 September 2012
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Kate goes topless for charity!

The Duchess of Cambridge went topless for charity but didn't really mean to because Willy saw the photos and thought there's not a lot to see; OOPS! Divorce proceedings could commence soon!

written by Jaggedone, 14 September 2012
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Royal Family to boycott 'French Connection' clothes

It's a bit late for British Home Stores, but good news for Marks and Spencer.

written by radiogagger, 19 September 2012
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Voters want a cut in migrants

The British Social Attitudes report also found that 75 per cent want to see immigration levels reduced, compared to 63 per cent in 1995.

"It's too late to bother now mate!"

written by Inchcock, 18 September 2012
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Poll: Cameron cares less for UK people than last 8 PM's

Cameron was deemed to care less about the UK and its people than eight former leaders.

"And we needed a poll to prove this?"

written by Inchcock, 18 September 2012
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Black + White = Gray. Romney Is Not Amused

When Romney was asked about "Fifty Shades of Grey," he retorted, "I knew a black presidency would lead to massive race mixing. Not that there's anything wrong with that -- it's just not natural."

written by sylvia kronstadt, 18 September 2012
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McDonalds go meat free in India

The Golden Arches has opened its first all veggie branch in India. Anyone from the UK who wants to order anything can do so via the McDonalds call centre. Ask for Dave.

written by radiogagger, 05 September 2012
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Bank robber discount

Discount clothes store Prickmark is offering a 70% discount on
balaclava helmets marked ROBBER across the forehead in a scheme with the Police authority to make bank robbers easier to spot on CCTV.

written by Rocky Kray, 25 September 2012
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Android Table 16-pack

Android tablets are now available for bulk buy.

"Tablets can now be bought in blister packs of 16," said Anne Droyed of Android App Weekly

written by IainB, 26 September 2012
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Ready meal manufacturers change their packaging

Manufacturers of microwavable ready meals are changing the instructions on the packaging after one consumer followed the instruction to pierce the lid, and the earring stud made the microwave explode.

written by IainB, 26 September 2012
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Prince Harry back in Afghanistan to fly choppers bare-assed

Prince Henry has returned to Afghanistan where he's expected to fly Apache helicopters in dangerous missions. The danger level will be raised several notches as the Prince will only fly knicker-less.

written by Lyndon, 08 September 2012
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French magazine print topless pics of Kate Middleton

Who knew that Harry even owned a long lens! - (No word yet on the spoof front page of Pippa's arse)

written by radiogagger, 14 September 2012
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Call me Snoop Lion says Snoop Dogg

Snoop Dogg now wants to be known as 'Snoop Lion' after being reborn during a trip to Jamaica.
Sounds like a social security scam to me.

written by radiogagger, 18 September 2012
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Obama tells voters rally: I'm just like Jay-Z

I see he's aiming for the hip-hop R'n'B vote.

written by radiogagger, 19 September 2012
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In Milton Keynes Today…

A girl stepped on a frog in the Park. She took it home and wrapped it in a pillow case. The next day the frog turned into a handsome prince - she couldn't believe it and neither could her parents!

written by IN SEINE, 04 September 2012
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Mitt Romney in shock gaffe at fundraiser

Controversial video captures Mitt Romney saying that 47 percent of Americans 'believe that they are victims'.

Do they have a National Accident Helpline in America? COuld be popular...

written by radiogagger, 19 September 2012
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Oral sextape scandal hits Royal couple. Chief Whip resigns

The now famous Royal Lug Nut Tapes have been traced back to Conservative party head quarters. The Right Honorable Simian Rench'Fister publicly defends the Chief Whip, and his right to a cycle path.

written by Percival, 22 September 2012
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Screen Hires 'Cinema Ninjas' To Shh Film-Goers

Its good to see the Olympic Games-makers get re-employed.

written by radiogagger, 19 September 2012
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Huffington Post launches in Italy

I'm looking forward to the bunga bunga party coverage.

written by radiogagger, 26 September 2012
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Get Your Story Straight President Pinocchio

President Obama is misleading the American people about a spontaneous protest to an anti-Islam video vice a radical Islamic terrorist group causing the deadly attack on the US Consulate in Libya.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 September 2012
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Nottingham Castle to be revitalised

Nottingham City Council has announced plans to revitalise Nottingham Castle to turn it into a world-class tourist destination.

"That'll please the muggers... more targets!"

written by Inchcock, 15 September 2012
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Mayan Calendar Message Revealed for Red Sox

Experts re-reading the Mayan calendar now realize that the glyphs show empty seats at Fenway Park in 2012, not an asteroid as originally thought.

written by Ossurworld, 12 September 2012
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King's Body Found

The body of King Richard the 3rd has been discovered under a car park in Leicester. The discovery came after an archaeologist had a hunch.

written by IN SEINE, 12 September 2012
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Cockney Steps on "Richard III"

A Cockney builder claims to have stepped on a "Richard III". The Richard III was deposited on a footpath on the Thames embankment by a stray dog and it took him 3 hours to clean it off his shoes.

written by IN SEINE, 12 September 2012
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High Street store to launch a more sexy shop

A popular high street clothes shop is launching a store that sells sexy underwear and toys for the imaginative.

"We're going to call it TK-MaXXX," said a spokesman.

written by IainB, 12 September 2012
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Kate & Wills want two children!

Prince William is desperate to be a dad and he wants two kids, he revealed.

"My neighbour says they can have two of hers - she can't afford to keep them, she's working!"

written by Inchcock, 14 September 2012
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Salmond blames job losses on the Olympics

... but was delighted that it was a platform for Scottish sporting success. You can't have it both ways chubby!

written by Quentin Muffin, 13 September 2012
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Children Of The Crown

Prince William has said he wants to have two children….one for weekdays and one for Sunday best.

written by Backandtotheleft, 13 September 2012
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New Bombshell of Disastrous Statin Side Effects

Such as: Short temper - Hostility - Homicidal urges - Amnesia - Kidney failure - Diarrhea - Cramp in legs - Nerve damage - Mental awe - Liver damage & Neuropathy etc

"Oh dear, and me on 40mg a day!"

written by Inchcock, 15 September 2012
Rating:

Duke & Duchess of Cambridge 'Want to do a serious job'

There's a few million proletariat citizens that would like that too!

But they have no choice in the matter, and no rich Mummy and Daddy either!

"Just thought I'd mention it like!"

written by Inchcock, 16 September 2012
Rating:

Cannabis dealer allowed to keep luxuries!

He was told he could keep his household luxuries after claiming he paid for them with his £14,400-a-year state handouts.

"Good old British justice! Hah!"

written by Inchcock, 07 September 2012
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Saint's Nigel Adkins caught speeding for 5th time this week!

Southampton Manager Nigel Adkins apologised and said he was desperate for points!

written by Inchcock, 01 September 2012
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Men's DNA in Women's Brains Could Prevent Alzheimer's

Scientists suggest that women who have sons are far less likely to develop Alzheimer's disease because they have male DNA in their brains. A study of Elton John's mum is inconclusive.

written by IN SEINE, 26 September 2012
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The Height of Hypocrisy

For Andrew Mitchell MP to call the police "f***ing plebs" must reach the pinnacle of hypocrisy! Either that or he is not got a mirror.

written by IN SEINE, 26 September 2012
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"Jesus would probably have tweeted"

The Archbishop of Canterbury imagines a day in the life of famous people for Radio 4.
I always had Jesus down as a Myspace type of guy.

written by radiogagger, 19 September 2012
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Up the spout!

Prince Whotsisname wants to have two children with his wife, Kate. Is that before or after Harry gives her triplets I wonder?

written by Herrdoktorfox, 12 September 2012
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If Ben Bernanke Left The Federal Reserve

would he be known as Fed-Ex?

written by Adam Click, 15 September 2012
Rating:

Davina McCall lookalike on the X Factor

I'm just glad she didn't say f*ck or b*gger!
(It's a no from me)

written by radiogagger, 02 September 2012
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Red-Headed Ginger nutters meet in Holland!

Gloabal "Ginger Nutters" meet in Breda, Holland; where else could they possibly get their "orange heads" together!

written by Jaggedone, 03 September 2012
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Pistorius is pissed!

Oscar Pistorius the "Blade Runner" is angry that a Brazilian was using stilts. The Brazilian says that he has only just bought them for his day job - picking apples.

written by IN SEINE, 04 September 2012
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Tory Cabinet Reshuffle Required Because…

Politicians and nappies should be changed often and for the same reason.

written by IN SEINE, 04 September 2012
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Ronaldo retires because he is sad (and pathetic)!

Cristiano Ronaldo is depressed (AAAHH) because he knows he will never be Numero Uno unless Lionel Messi dies, so he's retiring. He is going to Calcutta to become Mother Teresa Numero dos! Bueno Dios!

written by Jaggedone, 04 September 2012
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Prince Harry makes first public appearance since Vegas pics.

Thankfully, this time he kept his clothes on!

written by radiogagger, 05 September 2012
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Baby Born At Camp Bastion Named...

SEBASTION

written by IN SEINE, 20 September 2012
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Government Hatch Secret Plan To SWELL Ranks

In a cost-cutting exercise, the MOD are going to train new recruits in Afghanistan from Cradle to Grave! A spokeman said "Our lastest squaddie was born yesterday."

written by IN SEINE, 20 September 2012
Rating:

India don't want British supermarkets!

Gandhi, Aldi yes! Tesco no! The latest "Raj" in India causes a supermarket war; Holy cows and Lidl!

written by Jaggedone, 20 September 2012
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Cabinet Reshuffle latest: Spoof writer rejects cabinet position

I am disappointed to announce I have not been promoted in the cabinet reshuffle.
In fact I don't even own an ipod.

written by radiogagger, 05 September 2012
Rating:

Manchester United launch new TV Channel

Manchester United are to launch an additional channel for MUTV for the hard of hearing, called MUTE.

written by IainB, 20 September 2012
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Don't Panic!

Keep calm and carry on… Cpl Jones' butchers van is for sale at an estimated £20,000.

written by IN SEINE, 20 September 2012
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Potential Killer Crayfish Invade Hamstead Heath

Swimmers who have been using some of the pools around Hampstead Heath have already received nasty nips in their nagers from huge swarms of crayfish.

written by IN SEINE, 20 September 2012
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Spanish magazine to try and provoke more outrage than rivals.

A Spanish Magazine has commissioned an artist to draw a cartoon of Mohammed looking at the topless pictures of Kate in an attempt to upset as many people as possible.

written by John_L, 21 September 2012
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Nicks Knackered

Nick Clegg has apologized over not keeping pre election promises. Don't worry Nick nobody expected you too.

written by Backandtotheleft, 21 September 2012
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Nicky Minaj Raps About Voting Romney

Shouldn't that be 'craps' ???

written by radiogagger, 05 September 2012
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Richard Branson halts £13bn rail deal with legal action

Makes a change from leaves on the line

written by radiogagger, 05 September 2012
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2nd Victim of Abnormal Behaviour

The Orwellian EU abnormal behaviour monitoring system has caught its 2nd victim - an unnamed MP was found NOT to have claimed any expenses .

written by IN SEINE, 05 September 2012
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Prince Harry: "I Had to Do It"

Prince Harry said that he was aware that he was being monitored for abnormal behaviour by the EU. This practice was considered normal for the area and he did not want to stick out like a sore thumb!

written by IN SEINE, 05 September 2012
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Jesus' Wife's Name Discovered

A new Coptic papyrus has just been unearthed naming Jeus' wife. It's Priscilla.

written by PP Rega, 22 September 2012
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Googlemail becomes GMail

With the news the Google's email is become Gmail, industry watchers are wondering what happened to fmail.

written by IainB, 22 September 2012
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Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 138

"Why Cars Stop."

By

M T Tank

written by IN SEINE, 24 September 2012
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Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 139

"It's Springtime!"

By

Theresa Green

written by IN SEINE, 26 September 2012
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Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 140

"It's Pouring!"

By

Wayne Dwops

written by IN SEINE, 29 September 2012
Rating:

Clarissa Dickson-Wright Is Writing New Recipe Book

Food author and chef, Clarissa Dickson-Wright is in the middle of writing a new recipe book on badgers. Gordon Ramsay was heard to say: "badgers, badgers… We don't need any stinking badgers!"

written by IN SEINE, 24 September 2012
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A Victim of "Afghan Belly"

After suffering a bout of what she thought was "Afghan Belly" turned out to be a newborn baby boy for a Lance Cpl in Camp Bastian. "At least it's not terminal." An MoD spokesman said

written by IN SEINE, 24 September 2012
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Teaching Maths

15 plus 30 = 69

written by j.w., 24 September 2012
Rating:

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 134

"How to Cure Scratching"

by

Ivan Awfulich

written by IN SEINE, 19 September 2012
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Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 135

"Outdoor Advertising"

by

Bill Board

written by IN SEINE, 21 September 2012
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Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 136

"Attracting Your Ideal Mate"

by

Mary Persons

written by IN SEINE, 22 September 2012
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Mitt Romney "sucks"! Open windows in aeroplanes!

If Mitt Romney wins the election he has vowed to have open windows installed in the Presidential plane; What a "Sucker!"

written by Jaggedone, 26 September 2012
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Miracle in Charlotte?

God sets foot on Democratic platform, crushes delegates.

written by Adam Click, 06 September 2012
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Madonna Calls Obama's Muslim Comment Ironic ?

Madonna Calls Obama's Muslim Comment"Ironic?"Well I call Madonna's Obama Comment"Moronic?"I guess isn't much for her worshipfulness since her "Imaculent Conception,"Material Girl World,went to GaGa?

written by mancalledhorsemanure, 26 September 2012
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Double Amputee Expelled From Paralympics

"He kept arsing about" a Games spokesperson said last night.

written by Clive Danton, 07 September 2012
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ere... You're Nicked!

A cardboard policeman, used to deter shoplifters has been stolen from a Sainsbury's in Barnsley. He was found by a member of the public who remarked that he looked a bit board.

written by IN SEINE, 28 September 2012
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Lorry Loses Hair in Halifax

A lorry passing under a low bridge in Halifax this morning shed its load of human hair of various colours, bound for a wig factory. Police are combing the area ascertain whether the load was secure.

written by IN SEINE, 29 September 2012
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Judge Peter Bowers says burglars are brave!

Then let the burglar off, adding: "I think prison rarely does anybody any good!"

The Pratt! It does some householder or OAP a lot of good not being burgled while the perp is in prison - The Pratt!"

written by Inchcock, 09 September 2012
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HMS Ark Royal to be sold off as scrap metal

Why not moor her up as a tourist attraction?

Then sell of the metal hearts of government Ministers?

written by Inchcock, 10 September 2012
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Tory MP damages 4 cars and blames Maggie Thatcher!

Sir Tony Baldry parked his Merc and it went AWOL damaging 4 cars on the way! He wasn't pissed but swore he saw his ex-boss, Maggie Thatcher, behind the wheel, but she couldn't remember a thing!

written by Jaggedone, 10 September 2012
Rating:

Too much Monkey business!

A man has been arrested at New Delhi airport trying to board a flight to Dubai with a seven-inch Loris monkey hidden in his underpants...I bet his new girlfriend is well pissed-off!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 10 September 2012
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What a car wreck.

Lady Ga-Ga to perform Diana Tribute...hopefully a one-night stand in the back of a Mercedes-Benz W14O in the Pont de l'alma road tunnel, France!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 10 September 2012
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OAPs asking for audio version of kinky novel!

50 Shades of Grey Hair: A charity which provides audiobooks for the visually impaired has had to order in extra copies to cope with demand!

"And why not?"

written by Inchcock, 01 September 2012
Rating:

A Political Comedy Act

David Letterman hosted President Obama on his late night TV show, but Vice President Biden couldn't make it. Too bad that Moe, Larry and Curly were not on camera all together!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 September 2012
Rating:

Man Utd fans attempt to commit mass suicide!

After hearing of Robin van Persie's injury masses of Man Utd fans tried to jump off of the railway bridge, but they had a guardian angel; Balotelli who saved them by throwing his money in the air!

written by Jaggedone, 12 September 2012
Rating:

Richard the III body found in car park

The body of King Richard the III has been discovered under a car park in Leicester.
Better than being found in a Merc in a tunnel in Paris like other royals.

written by radiogagger, 12 September 2012
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Denise Welsh admit's she's a sex addict!

Well she didn't answer my begging letters...!

written by Inchcock, 15 September 2012
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Topless pictures of Kate Published in France

The Duchess of Cambridge is said to be devastated that photos published in a French magazine show her with out the wig she wears to hide her alopecia

written by John_L, 14 September 2012
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Kate 'saddened' by topless pictures

She should never have had that box of donuts last week...

written by radiogagger, 14 September 2012
Rating:

Naked Royals exposed again!

First Harry, now Kate, whose next?
William, Camilla, Charles, Phillip?
Perhaps the paparazzi should quit while they're ahead!

written by radiogagger, 14 September 2012
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