Website offers advice on translating texts from men
"hmmmm ok, whatever"
Do your best website!
Gary McKinnon avoids extradition to US for hacking case
Rumours that he hacked into the computer of Theresa Mays speech and policy writer have been hushed up, I mean played down.
Nike ends sponsorship with Lance Armstrong
In a way, they're partly responsible for the whole shenanigans - with a catchphrase like 'Just Do It'
A top British diplomat called the Argentineans "Gay and Cowards" and he's in trouble. If he'd used the words "cheating, bastards" he'd get a medal.
Nike drop Lance because Lance dropped his Nike tight cycling pants!
Nike have divorced Lance Armstrong because he has said wearing their tight pants caused sore bums and balls so he was forced to take medicines and change brands; "cycling hell!"
Serbia FA deny racism at England Under 21 team.
They close their ears, they never heard a thing.
Imagination never lets them take the blame.
Sky TV bills used to nab benefit cheats
A woman claiming to live alone with kids caught out by sports package. She admitted it was all lies when asked to explain the offside system.
Police fail to deal with suspected break-in at HM Treasury
A suspected break-in at HM Treasury could not be dealt with by the police because because it took 10 police officers to separate 2 cats fighting and the back of number 10! Taxpayers will pay the bill
Men are most likely to pull a woman if they are wearing a purple, according to a new study.
I don't know who to believe, my mobile phone provider just emailed me to say the futures orange!
Rebekah Brooks emails to David Cameron not seen by Leveson
Apparently they were just Rebekah explaining text acronyms like LOL, ROFL and LMFAO.
Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmondson abandon plans for Bottom revival
The Bottom revival has gone Bottoms up.
My jokes aren't racist but the government is, says Frankie Boyle
No no no, the government are posh elitist pleb hating snobs, but not racist.
Government bars release of Prince Charles letters
I think Charlie was embarrassed they were all written in green ink.
Down, down, didderly down!!
Part-time work drives Britain to record employment, then record unemployment in January 2013 once 'Christmas temp' jobs are over and part-time workers are no longer needed due to falling profits!
"Ouch, what the feck' was that!"
A 'terrified'blind man was hit with a 50,000 volt Taser gun after police 'mistook' his white stick for a samurai sword...obviously the old Bill should have gone to Specsavers!
Romney attempts to woo Transgendered voters
GOP candidate Mitt Romney used last nights debate to reach out to Trans Men. However Trans groups were dismayed that he called them Women in Binders.
written by John_L
, 17 October 2012
Racism Row after England Serbia Youth game
Racist tensions have broken out after the Serbia v England youth international football match. Serbia have since admitted that installing Slobodan Miloševic as youth team manager was a mistake.
written by IainB
, 17 October 2012
Jamie Oliver: Customers are stealing toilet rolls in my restaurant
Police investigating the claim admit they have nothing to go on.
Heather Watson first Brit to win Womens Tennis title in 24 years!
She's doing so well, she can now afford to give up her part-time work as a Jessica Ennis lookalike...
David Cameron rules out 'mansion tax'
Instead, expect a 'massive tax cut' for Tory millionaires...
Victims never came forward because Savile was 'Untouchable'
Andrew Mitchell gets new Parliament nickname
After his 'plebgate' gaff, the Tory Chief Whip is now known as the Chief Drip.
Seven Art paintings stolen in Holland.
The security guard must have been on the funny fags.
BBC Panarama to investigate BBC Newsnight
The BBC Director General announced the investigation on the BBC Six O Clock News. The BBC Ten O Clock News refused to comment, when approached by the BBC News Channel. More as the BBC get it.
Emile Heskey scores down under!
In Australia! For his new A league team.
Makes a change putting the ball wide, or over the bar!
European Union wins Nobel Peace Prize
Narrowly pipping The Womens Union and the African Cup of Nations.
The Open Top bus tour has been planned for next monday.
Frankie Boyle sues the Daily Mirror after they called him racist
Rancid maybe, but not racist.
Lance Armstrong to be stripped of 7 Tour De France titles
Will now be known as the Naked Cyclist.
Conrad Black to appear on Have I Got News For You
The former Daily Telegraph owner is now out of jail. Ready for the most humbling day of his life perhaps?
No news yet on Rupert Murdoch being invited to the show...
Rebecca Brooks gets £7 million NI pay-off.
She'll be able to afford the best room in Hollway...
PS NI stands for News International, not 'No Income'...
Poland v England match rained off.
I thought the rain stayed mainly in Spain! (or Ukraine)
Beyoncé has announced that she will play the Super Bowl 2013 halftime show.
I'm booking my seat early in case of a wardrobe malfunction.